The Show Must Go On

This summer Naomi and I were  looking for free activities to take the girls to around our boring little town.  I saw in the newspaper that at one of the surrounding towns there were going to be free kids shows put on every Friday morning. 

The first one we went to was Old McDonalds Farm, and because of a panic attack that Madie had, I missed most of that show (not that I cared too much).  But, while waiting for the show to start, was surprised at the rudeness of the  parents – especially the mother who was standing up in the midst of the sitting children – blocking everyone’s view without a care in the world.

The second show was The Circus School (the show Naomi was most excited about).  We went in and sat down and as we did so, this woman walked past with the strangest looking shirt I had ever seen.  She looked to be about 15 months pregnant (in reality only probably 8).  Upon further inspection we saw that it wasn’t a strange top after all – but she was wearing a polo shirt tucked into her maternity jeans.  And the blue that we thought was a part of the shirt turned out to be the extra stretching material for the pants.  It was hard to focus on much else during the show until we got to the plate spinning part.  And the main guy?  The teacher at the circus school?  Couldn’t spin the plates!!!  So his wife (pregnant lady) would spin them for him and then pass them to him.  It was all downhill from there – for their last trick they were going to do the Diablo.  It is hard to explain, but it is like a little rubber shape (think the shape of a sand timer) and you have to spin that on a string.  If you get it right it could be quite impressive – not that I’d know – because they couldn't do the trick at all – try after try after try.  Naomi and I got the giggles – and with tears of laughter in my eyes I had to distract myself (not only because it was rude to laugh, but because they were recording the show for their website).  After the show was done, Georgia turned to Naomi and said, “This show is boring.” we quickly left – missing the “try it yourself” part of the show. 

After that train wreck of a show, we thought nothing could top it.

Yesterday we went to the show that was Mr. Fuzzy and his mind reading teddy bear.  He was by far the best  show yet, but something unfortunate happened during his show.  Let me just explain that the shows take place in the Sunday School room of the local church.  It is annexed to the back of the church – yesterday there was a funeral in the church.   Mr. Fuzzy was in the middle of his quite funny magic finger bit and the vicar from the church came storming in – asking who was in charge.  After searching for the man in charge and have a quick conference – I over heard that the microphone was on the same frequency as the funeral – to make things worse the music was up very loud.  Looking like things were settled, the vicar walked out and Mr. Fuzzy immediately turned on the music  (Ooo Ahh, just a little bit, ooo ahhh a little bit more).  At this Naomi and I lost it – and the giggles started again.  Imagining the poor family at the funeral with that music playing in the background.   The giggles wouldn’t stop (and if they were bad at the circus this was worse, I even snorted – good thing the music was up so loud!)  Then the music died down (no pun intended) – the rest of the show went off without a hitch – until the end when he had the children stand up and sing (shout) “If You’re Happy and you Know It”.  Then I started laughing again (avoiding eye contact with Naomi) – and the closing song?? (played loudly) – Celebration!!!  Naomi and I quickly got the girls and walked out of the room – laughing.  We got to the front of the church (along with the other 75+ people who were at the show) just in time to have the hearse drive away.  All the adults hushed the kids, and we stood there in silence paying our respects (and apologizing) to this person who unintentionally had a soundtrack to his funeral.

Next week is:  The Frog Prince – Lets see if they can top this last one (I hope they can!).

In Conclusion…

We finally reached his car and again we went through the whole, almost losing a limb portion of the date. By now there were crowds of people around his car because we got there so early, and they were just talking and laughing and standing in the way of my sanity! He got in. Sat down and didn’t turn on the car.

“Do you want to say it or do you want me to say it?”

Oh my gosh! This wasn’t happening! We said one prayer already! Did we really need two!?!? Where the comics sooooooooo “off color” that we needed this prayer. He wasn’t going to say it again, I knew it, it was my turn. My turn to pray in front of the crowds of people. My turn to pray for something! What? That I could get home SOON? That Ed might loose my number? That I might wake up from this nightmare?

“Ehhh, alright, okay.’

And then I prayed. It was the shortest, fastest, and sadly enough, most insincere prayer I have ever offered. Ever. He looked at me when I was done and patted my leg. He started the car and backed up nearly hitting several people in the process.

We got onto the freeway and I said to him,

“So got any big plans for the weekend?”

Big mistake!

“Well, tomorrow I am going to get arrested. I am going to go to a few schools and take some pictures of some kids for a friend. It is illegal so I’ll have to sneak about it and if I get caught I’ll get arrested.”

What kind of a freaky answer is that??? I don’t think any amount of praying before, after, or during that little escapade was going to help him. Not wanting to know more I sat quietly in the car.

“I’ll have to take my gun.”

Great. I was driving down the freeway at 55 MPH with a man who the very next day was going to go take pictures of children, hidden from anyone, with a gun. Great.

“You know I was engaged two times?”

Did I want to hear this? Was this a confession? When people were telling me about Ed someone had mentioned in passing that he had killed the two people he was engaged to. I thought they were making a joke. I’m going to die tonight.

“Yeah the first one, we just didn’t know each other well enough. The second one wrote me for a while on the internet. We decided to meet up and she kept putting me off. Finally, I knew something was wrong and did some detective work and found out she was 60.”

5 more miles. 5 more miles. Say something.....

“Oh Ed, I’m sorry.”

There. I am nice, I care now let me out. We were now in front of my apartment complex but he didn’t stop. Nope he drove right past to the rail road tracks. About 2 houses away from my apartment. He stopped. Locked the doors, turned off the car and looked at me.

“Have you ever been in love before?”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Where is my cell phone 911 911 911 911. I answer,

“No, I haven’t, I mean I don’t think so.”

His hopeful eyes suddenly looked defeated.

“Oh, okay. Well I had a good time Jamie. I’ll call you again. Lets go out this weekend.”

NO! I was on the verge of being killed by my date, on the railroad tracks. I would have to say my words carefully.

“Awww Ed. Thanks. I am busy for a while with work and stuff you understand right? Hey, though thanks for the evening.”

By now the doors were unlocked, and the creepiness was out of his eyes, mostly. I just wanted to go home but what happened to dropping a girl off at her place. I know it would be best for a Ed to walk me to my door but at this point I think I felt safer knowing he wasn’t. The least he could have done was reverse his car to my place. I could tell he wasn’t going to. I would have to walk down the hill, in the mud down the sidewalk, to my apartment door. He turned back on the car. I took that as my cue to get out. I got out.

“Thanks again.”

“Hey, Jamie?”

I thought that maybe he was going to walk me to my door. I guess that wouldn’t be so bad. I mean after what just happened, that was cake. At least there would be more witnesses by the apartment if he was going to try anything.

“Jamie, can I borrow your cell phone?”

What?!!? Here I am out of the car ready to shut the door on this night of my life and now he wants to use my minutes?? My cell phone?? My time??

“Sure!”

I handed him the phone. He had to call his sister to go over to her house. He handed me back my phone. I start to put it back in my purse and search for my keys. Just as I got to shut the door, it barely closes and he speeds off like his in a race. I watch as his taillights go down the street and then I head back towards my house.

I get inside and immediately call my friend in New York and then my friend in West Valley and then my mom. I shouldn’t have told the people at work I had a date. The next morning I would have to go back and tell them the story. But I guess that is what I get for, what did I say at first?

…I had decided with my horrible, awful luck with men that maybe - just maybe it was the “type” of man I was dating. So I had decided against all of my better judgment and all of my friends judgment to go out with him.

There Was This One Time When I Nearly Burned the Apartment Down…

Alright, so I tend to do pretty stupid stuff a lot of the time. I think I used to do it more often when I was single – but lately I have been making up for it. Take the other night for instance….
I was getting ready to make a really nice dinner of lasagne. I had turned on the burner to boil some water and left it. I went into the other room to watch my riveting “Civil War” documentary (and no, that riveting wasn't sarcastic – it really is). Sometimes when there is water on the bottom of the pan it pops a bit as the burner gets hot. I started to hear some “pops” and thought nothing of it and continued to watch TV.
Several minutes later I was still hearing those “pops” and I thought that it was strange, but then thought to myself, I don't want to miss the show and I’ll check on it at the next commercial. I finally went into the kitchen to see what the problem was…..
As I walked into the kitchen it was filled with smoke. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. I realized that when I turned on the stove…. wait, let me explain a bit – in England you turn on the power to the appliance through a switch AND the actual appliance once that switch is on. This is great for saving electricity – anyway, I noticed that I must have had BOTH burners on the last time I used the stove and then just turned the power off at the switch, forgetting to actually turn off the power on the stove. So when I turned it on BOTH of them started to heat up, which would be fine… if, I didn't put the mince (hamburger) on the other burner.
The rancid smell of plastic and mince, oh and SMOKE, filled the whole kitchen – the whole apartment for that matter – and I just yelled for Chris. As he came in we just laughed – you’d think after living here for 3+ years I would get how things work.
You’d think that was the end of the story and that I would be very careful about the stove, wouldn't you? Well the same thing happened the other day – and continues to happen – needless to say Chris has to follow me around “just to make sure”.

Bits and Pieces

I guess I keep this blog going because, one day I will want to look back (fondly) at all of the unfortunate things that happen to me and when I am 80 I will probably not remember the following things:

At the first of January, Chris and I got another car - Bella was getting too problematic to fix for the emissions and inspections (read: M.O.T. in England). Chris' dad, John, helped find us one that I was quite hesitant about but, we got anyway.  WHAT A JOKE!  Three weeks later, and we have already found out that it needs its alignment done, new front tires (tyres), new fan belt, leaky trunk (boot), its overheated three times, etc. etc. etc.  So we went back to the car dealership today and Chris pretty much said, "Fix it or give us our money back!" (It is so nice to have a husband to do stuff like that).  And the dealer said, and I quote, "Yeah, we'll give you another car for it or a refund - I HONESTLY SHOULDNT HAVE SOLD YOU THE CAR IN THE FIRST PLACE." (my jaw still drops!)  Can you believe it!?!?  I guess maybe some of you can.. but I think I still might have a "rainbow and butterfly" idea of the world... why would he do that?  At any rate, he wants to "trade" a more expensive car, for this one (Chris named the car Shirley).  What do I do?  I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, and we do still have Bella, should we spend the money to fix her up?  She has been PERFECT for 18 months (oohhhh I better bite my tongue)!

Just as side notes:
I just lit a small bonfire in the trash can in my bedroom - who would have thought even after the incense in burned out it could still create flames and burn unwanted receipts -- I now do, and so do you - LEARN FROM ME!
The other day on the way home from work I drove for about 8 blocks on the wrong side of the road in the dark.  I didn't even NOTICE until I got up to the junction and had to turn left and realized that the car in front of me, that was turning left, was on the opposite side.
I got acupuncture last week, it hurt a little when she was sticking needles into my hands and FEET (yuck yuck yuck) but the ones on my calves, neck and shoulders didn't hurt at all - even when she twisted them to stimulate them.  It was strange, tiring, relaxing, and helpful all in one - who would have thought - needles. 
Oh how I miss my disposal and dishwasher....

Other Updates?  None - Chris is still looking for a job and interviewing - but is keeping quite busy with his church calling?  Have I told you?  I'm married to the Elders Quorum President.  With that calling and mine (Councillor in the Relief Society) all we need is a home in Provo and 2.5 children.  We love it though - last weekend we got to go to a wedding, reception and baptism -- all for the same lady all on the same day (and a branch activity after that) - being in a branch is eye opening, that's for sure!  I am doing fine too.... working and sitting around (HEY! it takes a lot out of you!)

Thanks, Mr. Man...

Old Man.
Bald Man..
Late 60's...
Big Beer Belly....
Waddling Along the Shop.....
Food crumbs hanging onto his mustache......
Blowing his nose with a dirty handkerchief.......
Short Shorts and Sandals with socks........
Hot pink - tight, shirt that reads:
                                          "Love Machine, Satisfaction Guaranteed!"              

How to Kill a Wasp in a Few Easy Steps

You'd think I would be the main character in this story... but its not me, its my husband and after you read this you'll see why we are quite suited for each other.
1.  Identify the problem:

I walked into the bathroom and hanging out by my window were two very angry wasps trying to get out.  Finding a wasp is unsettling enough as it is, but TWO...
Here is the window they were stuck in....
 

2.  Call for help if necessary:

So I RUN out of the bathroom, quick as anything, slamming the door behind me and saying in a panicked, alright slightly loud voice,
"CHRIS!"
He comes running from the sitting room to find me sitting on the bed, he is saying,
"What, What is it?"
"It is, there are, TWO wasps in the bathroom!"
and what do I get back,
"So, GO KILL THEM!"
But I am not going to go near the bathroom so I shoot back,
"YOU'RE THE BOY - ITS YOUR JOB!"

3.  Find the killing equipment:

Chris grabs the nearest thing to kill them with, maybe a rolled up newspaper? A book?
Nope, the air freshener.
He slowly opens the door and starts to spray those wasps, as he is doing so he is shouting back to me,
"They aren't dying!"
So I explain how he needs a more direct approach not some air freshener that he isn't even shooting near the wasps, but from the door.  He shuts the door and we try to figure out what might kill those wasps and then we (I say we, I mean ME) get an idea --

So he tries again, but he is still having the same problems and then I yell (through my laughter),
"Put it on the straight stream and AIM!"
So he does and he starts to give me play-by-play -- It isn't working, oh it is, one just dropped out, ooohhhh I got the second one!

4.  Clean-up:

What Chris didn't want to do is get near enough to the wasps to take down the dry laundry hanging from the window and after all of that spraying they smelled not only like air freshener, but also were soaking wet from the spray bottle.
But the wasps were gone with, probably quite a lot more effort than necessary, but at least they were gone.  Needless to say we keep that window shut most of the time, because as effective as those killing steps are, they really aren't worth it.

Toto, I have a Feeling We're Not in America.....

There are so many things over here in England that remind me on a daily basis that I no longer live in America (as if I need reminders...)  One of these days I will go into some detail, but today I will write of one.

I was droping Chris off at work and on the way home I was stopped at a stoplight.  Sitting in the car, in this quite little (and I mean SMALL) town, somthing caught my eye -- what?!?!?

SOME GRAFFITI!!!!!

I havent seen any kind of that here in March.  Sure there are groups of kids that you just know are aching to cause problems but gangs?

No Way!!! 

So I get closer to the graffiti and what does it say??

"Rabbit"

What?  Now either the building has been tagged by the 'Rabbit Gang' or they just couldnt think of what word to write...

And I cant decide which asumption is better....

Just the Right Thing to Say

We live with an old, deaf, blind and quite opinionated woman.

For weeks now, she has been telling me what a bad wife I am to my husband. 

If we have left-overs, I should make him a warm meal.

If I make him wait in town for me, I should be there to meet him.

If I ask him do some laundry (which I rarely do), I should be doing it.

And on and on and on....

A few nights ago it got to be too much!

Jamie:  Chris, I am a bad wife.  I didnt make your sandwhiches for you for lunch tomorrow.

Chris:   Jamie, you are not a bad wife, I can make my own sandwhiches.

Jamie:  Yeah, but if you do then Olga will just say how bad of a wife I am.

Chris:  Look at her, her first two husbands left her, I dont think she can tell YOU how to be a wife.

And that was just the right thing to say.

A Near Death Experience....

The other night I couldnt sleep in the caravan.  Chris could and did - and he fell asleep about an hour before me.  I caught up on some writting and then settled in to bed.  Chris was snoring as usual.  I put in my earplugs and then he rolled over and grabbed my hand to hold it, and fell back asleep.  It was at an uncomfortable angle so I shifted my hand to make it more comfy for Chris.  A few minutes later it got really quiet.  Usually I can hear Chris snoring, even with my earplugs in, and I didnt hear anything so I thought to myself - he isnt breathing.  I looked at his shoulder against the light outside to see if I could see it rising up and down - nothing.  So I started to feel around on his wrist trying to feel for a pulse.... nothing.... trying for at least a minute, I started to get worried.  Then the second I took out my earplugs Chris snored SOOOO lound that it scared me to death!  He was breathing and then so was I and I was conforted in the fact that not only now I knew he was alive.... my heart was beating so fast, so was I!

*  We are moving to Doncaster next Friday!  Finally getting out of the lovely caravan (camper) that, after waking up to a large spider crawling in my sweatshirt (yes its that cold), pulling it out with my fingers and waking up with it dead under me, I am R-E-A-D-Y to leave it behind as a memory.

*  Speaking of spiders, there was a spider in the bathroom here that was as big as an adult female's whole hand.

*  And FYI, since Jamie is a boys name in England, we (Chris and I) are contemplating changing my name in England to McKayla... what do you think? 

That Lemon Fresh Scent...

Here is what happened to me last week:

Here in England they have lemonade but it is clear and fizzy - just like Sprite.

Chris and I were dying of heat the first few weeks here in England so we bought some lemonade and coke for refreshement.  When we were done with the bottle of drink we'd fill it up with water, freeze it and have it the next day.

A week or so after the weather turned cooler, I was getting ready for church in the trailer.  I didnt want to go up to the house and fight for the one bathroom with 5 people.  I needed to put some water in my spray bottle to do my hair.  I found an old bottle we had filled with water and poured that into my spray bottle.  I wet my hair down really well so I could achieve the style I was looking for and then proceeded to brush my teeth.  I didnt have any water left in the bottle so I just used the spray bottle instead.  I put the toothpaste on and carried on brushing.  When it was time to rinse I took a big swig from the spray bottle and began to wash my mouth out, but there was a problem. 

I got that taste in my mouth.... how do I describe it???  You know that taste of mixing LEMONADE and toothpaste????

I had accidently put flat lemonade all over my hair and just brushed my teeth with it.  I couldnt believe it. 

And what was I to do?  It was time for church so I just went and hoped everyone enjoyed my new lemonade hair styling product, and made a promise to myself NEVER to get ready for church in the trailer again.

Overheard....

"So apparently I'm going to be an excellent husband and father."

"Who told you that?"

"My Chiropractor."

She's down for the count....

I have been performing off and on in front of groups of people since I was 5.  I can sing in a group and not be too nervous, but make me play piano and I am a bundle of nerves.

When I was asked to play a solo in church before I move, I said okay - but procrastinated til 3:00 AM Sunday morning to pick a song. 

So when I got to church and STILL hadnt decided on a song, I picked the easy one and sat down to wait for my turn. 

There were two speakers before me. 

The girl who was going to speak before me got up and started talking... suddenly she turns white as a ghost and says, "well I'm sick so I'm going to..."

And she faints.

Luckily there were people behind her to catch her and break her fall.... they all huddle around her and the crowd starts to whisper. 

Everyone is looking at each other... while I am thinking -- Oh great!  I have to follow that?!!?!? 

One of the men on the stand, stand up and say - "We'll now have a musical performance by Sister Wilcox"

Needless to say there was no reason to be nervous... I could have played any song and no one would have noticed they were too busy whispering about the fainting woman.

Its official....

Yesterday I decided to tell my cute nanny family that I am moving to PA to help them for sure.  I dont know when I leave yet, but it will be soon... within weeks...  I was okay with the decision, until I actually talked to the family and realized what a HUGE job this is going to be - 5 kids and me in charge of all of them - all of the time... ALL of the time...  it just compacted my bad day...  Here is a list of things that made my day bad...

1.   WORKING FOR THE DISHONEST, UNDERHANDED, THOUGHTLESS, THEIFS - I call them my bosses, you call them the Government... I had no idea just how corrupt the government is - now I do and it is worse than anyone thinks...

2.  I went to do piano lessons and finished in 5 minutes with 25 more to fill because she didnt practice... LISTEN to your mother -- practice your piano!

3.  I thought maybe to calm me down I would drive through the canyon -- I got up there and all the leaves had fallen off the tree and, apparently - were no longer as beautiful as they were 2 days ago...

4.  I drove on the skinny road and freaked myself out because there wasnt room for 2 cars so as soon as I got about 2 minutes into the canyon I turned around. I had freaked myself out about falling down the cliff because of the small road...

5.  I decided to try another canyon and got high enough up in the Bountiful mountains to see the entire Davis County... but still no leaves...

6.  I decided to just look at all the HUGE houses and got myself carsick doing that -- I guess there is a first for everything - my friends will understand - its now official I cant even drive and not get carsick. 

7.  I hate the stupid Baseball playoffs -- ruin my FOX program viewing...

8. And then the whole announcement -- come November I'll be a mother of 5 - not a nanny a mother...

And poor Chris and Kim get the brunt of it... let me say publicly... sorry I'm horrible sometimes...

What is that Burning Smell....

With so many changes in my life - it is no wonder I cant sleep very well at nights.  I've tried everything and to no avail - every night I lay there in bed - thinking, which as many people know - is like a slow kind of self-torture (at least for me, and most of the other girls I know).

Last night I read until I thought I couldnt keep my eyes open any longer -- 11:30 PM.  I shut the book and turned off the lights and that was my mind's cue to wake-up.  So I lay there for and hour an a half at least, trying to will myself to fall asleep and all of the sudden I start to smell smoke.

At first I just figure it is someone smoking outside, and try to ignore it - after you've had someone try to break into your apartment you try to ignore most noises - or you'd go MAD!  So after 10 minutes of smoke smell I get up.  I look at the clock 1:00 AM - Great I have to get up for work in 5 1/2 hours... I walk into the front room smelling around... still the smell, but no flames...  I look out the window for signs of fire or smoke.... nothing.  It seemed almost like the smell was following me...

So then - wide awake by now - I decide, there has to be a fire somewhere so the logical thing would be to get the collars on the cats so if I have to run out of my apartment and they run away too - at least they'll be identified.  I chase the cats around and force them to wear the bells around their neck. 

My next thought is, I have to change what I am wearing - if there is a fire - I dont want to run outside in my worst PJ's.  So I change clothes into something "presentable" and then I lay in my bed waiting for the smoke.  I start to think about what things in my apartment I would save -- how I would be able to pull Lola (the anti-social cat) from under the bed so she didnt get burned to death.  Then I started to think about maybe I should store my photo's at my parents house and then I thought, that isnt what they are for - then I'd never be able to just pull them out.

And then I realize.... The smoke MUST be coming from my brain -- I am overworking my poor mind so much that it actually started on fire....

And then I rolled over and tried not to think so much -- for another hour or so.... woken up through-out the night by the bells on the cats collars -- I cant take them off.... Just in case...

Just a City Girl....

I hate camping...

I hate bugs - of any kind (except Potato Bugs)...

I hate dirt...

I hate the smell of freshly cut alfalfa...

I hate my hot dog being cooked in the fire to be black - I call that burnt food, the same way it tastes...

I hate my marshmallows for s'mores being cooked in the fire 'til black... see the above reason...

What does this make me??  A real "City Girl" - look out Carrie Bradshaw and friends....

I have never considered myself a city girl, maybe because my "city" is Salt Lake - and compared to almost all other big cities - it is barely a city at all.  But, I guess when you grow up on a farm it is a big city.

This is what I was faced with in the latest chapter of my dating life. 

After splitting with my fiancee, my sweet friend called and said,

"Jamie, I know you just split, but, I have a friend that I would love for you to go on a date with."

I agreed, with hesitation, if, for no other reason - to get me out of my apartment, but more important - get me out of my Ben and Jerry's, pajama's and sea of tissues.

I did go out with him - 3 times, well 2 1/2 really.... one he sat by me at a birthday party and didnt say a word - so I wonder if that is even half... oh well...

After deciding he was very nice - but I still was in love with my ex, my friend asked me to try it one more time.

He called me and - I swear - it was the most flustered conversation ever (endearing really) - like those awkward phone calls you made to your "secret crush" in Junior High - but this time he was in college.  We decided I would meet him up North and with my friend and her husband, go up to the canyon for a bonfire.  I think they used the word "bonfire" because they knew if they put the camping spin on things - it would probably be a no go.

We did go up to the canyon and had a good time.  The strange thing was that I picked up a nickname from him, very early into the night - he insisted on calling me "City Girl" for the rest of the night.  I wouldnt burn my hot dog - city girl.  I only ate one s'more and the marshmallow was hardly gooey - city girl.  I wanted the spider webs dusted off my chair - city girl.  I thought I was doing well because when a monster dirty butterfly (that is what me and my sister call moths), flew dangerously near my face - I didnt scream and run.  I helped put some wood on the fire... actually I think I just put my drink-cap in the fire, nevermind that.  I did notice the amazing sky filled with the most stars I've seen in a long time, and even said "Maybe if I went camping now (the last time I went was over 10 years ago - with a church group), I would actually like it."  But, to no avail - my nickname was set.  It didnt ruin the mood too much - we still had a good time playing the "Would You Rather" game...  We left the "bonfire" around 10:00 - the drive home was when I got to smell fresh cut alfalfa - a smell that I can only describe as wet grass and cow manure.  This was the conversation:

Him: "Can you smell that smell?"

Me: "Yeah, I was just going to roll up the window!"

Him:  "WHAT?!!?  That is the best smell in the world!!!"

Me: "WHAT?!?! Are you kidding???"

Him:  "Nope, that smell reminds me of home.  What is your favorite smell?"

This is when I realized he was right and I was so proud of my "City Girl" title -

Me:  "My favorite smell is the smell of new shoes!"

I am sure we'll be friends... but, as far as a relationship between this City Girl and Mr. Country -- I really dont see it happening....

The Mating Habits of Crabs...

Last Saturday I was sitting home, by myself and watching a nature program about the phases of the moon...

It came to the part where it said when the moon changes the tide for the spring the crabs come to the shore and lay eggs.  The female crabs lay the eggs and the male crab attaches to a female and wont let go of them... even after they swim out to sea.

While watching this, the thought went through my head, "Even crabs can find a mate!"  the thought continued... "yeah but I bet those women crabs arent picky - maybe I'm too picky."

Then I realized they were crabs - of course they werent picky... and then I thought, "Jamie, you do realize you are compairing your life to that of a crab."

And then I turned off the TV and went shopping....

Its a First!

I am proud to say that yesterday I had a panic attack.... I've never had one before so I didnt know what was going on at first, but... I had one, and in hind-sight for the stupidest reason...

I had a job interview yesterday at a prominent LDS bookstore for evening work (I have to fill my time with something - and if the "something" involves money - sign me up!).  I was sitting in the waiting area because, true to form I was 30 minutes early.  I sat and watched people leave the elevators to go home from work and I also had a great view to "people watch" those eating in the food court.  As people filtered by me I started to take notice of their left ring finger for wedding bands...  several girls walked by without wedding bands - but EVERY man that walked by had a wedding ring on his hand.  EVERY ONE!  That is when the panic came...  Now, people reading this entry who live outside of Utah wont completely understand this but I started to freak out thinking - "What if I never get married, what if I had my chance and I ruined it..."  And then came the pounding heart and sweaty palms (not good for that first impression handshake, by the way) and I started to breathe really REALLY fast and all I could think about was that I was going to be the extremely obese woman eating her pizza in the corner - ALONE!  I tried to get my mind off it and not look at the rings - but they were taunting me...  and in my panic and confusion - it was my turn to go in for the interview...  First Question:  "Why do you want to work here?" and in my head I thought "I dont know if I do - I'll drive myself crazier than I already am!!!"

I made it through the interview with little or no incident....

I got home that night and really needed to take a nice relaxing bath so I got all settled and a HUGE brown spider crawled out of the water plugger (I dont know what it is called, you know the thing you push up or down to stop or let the water drain?) And in one sweeping motion I got up and a huge wave caught the spider and dropped it right into a cup I had at the side of the tub. Sweet hu?  Then I stayed there and for a good 10 minutes watched the spider struggle to get out and slowly die... and then of course I had to get out of the tub because I kept thinking spiders were crawling all over me....

And then I thought I guess there are worse things then not getting married.... like having spiders crawling all over you... now there is a reason to have a panic attack!