A Reminder

There is a baby store right on the high street in front of my apartment.  I always walk past, tempted to walk in, but decide against it because I don't need to “rub salt into the wound”.   It doesn't stop me from looking in the windows.  Lately I have been trying to loose weight to get to a place where I can get surgery to find out what is going on.  I needed motivation – not just mental motivation but visual motivation.  I thought about buying a baby outfit and putting it somewhere where I could see it – but decided against it, so as not to look like a crazy if I forget to put it away and we have guests.  The other day while looking into the window of the baby store I saw this statue.  I needed it – it was a visual reminder of what I was trying for.  I have put it on the TV (so I can see it when I exercise).  It is lovely and hopefully one day, we can put it in a baby’s nursery.

Step One… Done! Next….

Hello everyone!!!  It has been a while since I have written.  I have had quite a hard week (or two).  I am struggling to follow my new “healthy lifestyle” (I refuse to call it a diet).  It is sooooo easy to get discouraged!!  I also went to a friends going away party on Saturday.  She is an American and her husband is English and she went through the same process we are going through.  She gets to go home this month and I am jealous!
We did get good news today.  Chris and I filed his paperwork for the VISA a few weeks ago.  On the website it says that the wait time for that to be approved is over a month.  Chris and I were expecting that and were very surprised when, in the post today, we got the letter saying it was received on the 18th of Aug. and was approved on the 25th.  What a blessing! 
Our next steps are to fill out more paperwork and schedule a medical appointment in London (oh yeah, and to save up all the money needed). 
Chris and I are doing everything we can to save up the money.  We are selling bits and pieces we don't “need” and trying to think of ways to save.  It is going to be a struggle but so worth it!
I try not to think about “when I get home” because I don't want to work myself up about it.  I am having some strange feelings about leaving England.  I am going to miss it.  I keep thinking, “I need to do __________ because it is our last summer living here….” etc.  I want to try to see as much as I can before we leave. 
I guess at this point we go with the flow.  I can say that I cannot wait for the support of friends and family.  I do have a few select friends here in England but, cant wait to see everyone.  I guess I just have to keep that in my mind when I have bad weeks like this last one.
So does anyone out there have any amazing ideas on how to earn money???  Do tell…

I Love Richard Simmons!

I hate to fill my blog with weight loss stories and news but, to be honest, I don't have much else to write about (not that I am complaining).
It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I SERIOUSLY started to eat healthier and try to incorporate exercise into my life.  I use the word “try” because there is little I like less than exercising. 
In my mind I have lots of goals associated with becoming healthier, and not just every 20 lbs. a ticket for myself to a musical, some of which are:  loose enough to safely have a child, go on a bike ride with my incredibly fit dad (and now friend, Kim), go jogging – for fun, shop at “regular” stores/thrift stores, etc….
Years ago when I first came to England for a friends wedding I lost 20+ lbs in preparation for it.  It was a good time, I felt GREAT and I was very proud of myself.
Since I have moved to England I have gained a lot of weight.  I know the thing I SHOULD say is that the motivation to start working on this was the drive to have a baby, but it wasn't… the real motivation was an email that a sweet friend sent me.  The day I got that email I started exercising.  Today, when I was feeling like I didn't care about it any more – I read that email and it made me want to work.
I don't think I will ever share how much I’ve lost on a public site like this (I cant handle the pressure) but suffice to say I was so pleased with the number on the scale last week – I actually started thinking that this whole, being healthy and fit thing, might be attainable.
But I still struggle with exercise – I hate it.  Well, most of it.  I love, LOVE my Richard Simmons DVD’s.  I know there are a lot of people that cant stand him but he makes me happy to exercise.   He says things like, “I am so proud of you!”, “You are doing so well!” and my all time favourite “You shined today!!”.  Today as I was exercising I found myself smiling and really enjoying myself.  I am pleased that I have found something that I can cope with.
I continue to use Sparkpeople.com and although at first it was quite overwhelming – it has been amazing for me and I find new recipes and motivation every day.  It does take time – tracking calories, all the food I eat, and all the exercise I do – but I have found it is worth it. 
I still cant see any results – but as long as the scale numbers keep going down… I’ll trust that it’s working!

Its My Choice

Recently I have been hearing so much about the new Health Care plan in the US.  I have held my tongue and not written anything about it on my public blog for fear of the repercussions.  But, while I do agree with a need for basic health care for all, I really struggle with a Nationalized Health Care.  Let me explain why.

It has been over a year now that Chris and I have been seeing “doctors” about our issues and the run around we have had, I wouldn't wish on anyone.  All you have to do is read this blog and you’ll know what problems I’ve had – and it gets FRUSTRATING!

The other day I was going about my business and the next I was bent over in pain.  I knew I was ovulating and I often get cramps for a few days at that time (I know lucky me cramps twice a month) but this wasn't “usual” pain, this was cant breath, cant stand, feel sick pain.  I got into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed – not being able to move from the fetal position (ironic I know).  I laid there and thought – childbirth CANNOT be worse than this.  I was shaking and crying and finally decided to ask Chris to call the NHS call centre where they have you speak to a nurse and tell you where to go from there.  At this point I was very concerned that one of the lovely cysts had burst.  I spoke to the nurse and she said just to “take some pain killers”.  So I did – eventually the pain subsided.

Then I started to cry again – not from the pain but from the unfairness of it all.  If I weighed even 10-20 lbs. and walked into the nurses office for my fertility appointment – I would now be on a waiting list for surgery because according the the NHS “it would be worth it and cost effective”. 

You see the NHS doesn't do ANYTHING that costs them more money than it could.  If that means women giving birth in their regular PJ’s and sending them home before they're ready, limiting appointments to 10 minutes, using out dated equipment, having nurses do a doctors work, etc. then the do it.  It is all about money. 

I am a woman who is at the mercy of the NHS – they get to decide WHEN or IF I get to be a mother.  They have decided that even though I experience horrible pain for nearly 2 weeks of the month – I get to suffer because I am not skinny.

I understand that there are risks on operating on a bigger person – I get that – but let ME choose, let me evaluate the risks.

There are many things I cant fault the NHS for, in terms of my basic care – and it is nice not to think about how I am going to pay for things.  But in the back of my mind I cant help by think that maybe, just maybe if I were in America I’d have a baby in my arms or at the very least be pain free while trying to get there. 

My Life in a Bullet List

I know it has been quite a while since I have updated my blog.  I guess that all those pictures pushed me over the edge, but to be more honest – nothing much of note has happened as of late – so this post will be reduced to bullet points.

*  MOST IMPORTANT – Chris and I have gotten everything in order to apply for his VISA.  Mine runs out on the 23rd of July 2010 so I will be home by then.  I cant wait.  It is making things a bit easier to deal with knowing there is an end in sight!  We’ll need prayers, happy thoughts, etc. sent our way for the next little while as the process progresses – hopefully without incident.  I will update as things happen.  In the meantime if you hear of jobs, cars, household supplies, etc. keep us in mind. 
*  Issues (to say the least) with the in-laws, I wont type much because I don't want to make anything worse (if it could be).  I really envy people who have great relationships with their in-laws.  It has also put me on a crash course of FINALLY realizing that no matter how hard I try, and believe me I’ve tried, I cant please everyone.
*  I quit my job.  I was hired with a promise of 10 hours a week and after 3 weeks of no hours at all, late pay, snide comments, and cleaning duty – not to mention migraines from the stress AND babies crying because I became a “stranger” from my lack of hours – Chris did my dirty work.  He went into the centre, asked for my passport, and then handed them my letter – and I haven't heard from them OR looked back since.  Now I just need to find something else – hopefully something I am more suited to.
*  Chris is still hard at work, doing TONS of extra hours so we can start saving for Utah.  What a hard worker!
*  I went for my fertility appointment last week and was told that I need to loose weight so last Monday, Chris and I started watching what we’re eating.  It hasn't been easy and it involved me cooking a lot more, but hopefully it will work.  I am using a great website called http://www.sparkpeople.com/  It is GREAT and soooo helpful – I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to track and loose weight.  Now if I can just get the motivation to work out…  P.S.  If you’d like an invite to my fertility blog – just let me know!
*  I have a bit of a writing bug coming on.  All my life I’ve wanted to write a book and finally I think I have some really good ideas sloshing around in my head.  I just hope I can make sense of them and turn them into something worth while.

So that is my life in a nutshell.  Nothing to exciting, but changes in the works.  Have a great week everyone!!! 

I’m Baaaacccckkk…..

Well last time I saw this blog I was on day 23 of Tiny Moments, it is now a new month and I missed out on the last few pictures.  Sorry…. 
Things here have been a little off here at the house.  Chris and I both got ill for about a week and a half and thought we had the Swine Flu.  I don't think we actually did because we never got full blown temps.  We had a fertility appointment that took away my attention from the blog – but I’m back now!
Chris and I did get a chance to go to the seaside with Georgia on Friday.  We wanted to make a whole day of it and started at the Sea Life Centre which is like a ghetto version of Sea World.

Georgia wasn't too impressed by the whole thing, and to tell the truth – we weren't either.  I did touch a star fish for the first time – strange.
We decided to head out to the beach.  It was a lovely day but we were bombarded by wasps.  We finally got a bucket and spade and a mat and headed to the water.  The beach at Huntstation is a lot more “pebbly” than some of the others we’ve been too but we tried to make the best of it.  We spent some time in the sea, which was freezing, and Georgia only relaxed and started to enjoy the water once Chris was in the water with her.  The tide started to come in quite quick so we decided it was time to have some lunch.

We had a nice lunch of fish and chips and then we went to the arcades.  This is one of Chris’ favourite things to do – to play on the 2p machines.  He took it upon himself so share the fun with Georgia – which she loved!  She especially loved when she won something, but didn't seem to understand why we were putting the 2p’s in the machine instead of putting them in our wallets.

Georgia decided to take a ride on Brum “to America” she told us.

By this point I think Georgia was a little tired, and so were we.  We decided to head home.

We thought she was tired and would fall asleep on the way home but she didn't and kept us entertained saying things out of the blue like, “ *GASP* Look at that?!?!?!?!?” Chris says look at what?  “That, the… SKY!” or my personal favourite, “Jamie, I love you….. Jamie I love your bum!”
We love spending time with her!
Last night to end a very, very hard day I got to see this out of the window:

It was beautiful and maybe with the great day with Georgia and the lovely sunset it is a sign that this week will be better than the last few.  Fingers Crossed.

Wow, Its About Time for an Update!

Hello Friends!  After blowing the proverbial layer of dust off my blog, I figured it was about time to update.  To be fair, I haven't had much to update about but, I did have an appointment this last week and now have something to write about.

The appointment was on the 28th.  Chris and I got ready and got there on time only to find out the hospital appointment was at 1:00 but, Fiona (the nurse) was expecting us at 12:30.  She wasn't too happy that we were late but saw us anyway.

She started out by giving us all the test results.  We went over mine first, and they were all fine.  Lets see… Immune to Rubella, no Diabetes, no hormone imbalances, and ovaries full of perfectly healthy eggs.  That was a huge relief to start with.  She told us Chris’ sample results which were more than fine, they were excellent – so he wont have to do anymore samples, she seems content that any infertility isn't on his part.  They usually do 2 samples from the male and if they are alright then they leave it at that.

This was good news, nothing is obviously wrong – but it is bad news too.  If nothing is wrong why am I not getting pregnant???  It means more tests and no easy answers.

She said Dr. R looked through my notes and said, aside from the fertility stuff, that it looked like I was anaemic (thanks to the celiac) and also had a syndrome called Gilbert Syndrome.  Fiona then proceeded to tell me that she didn't know what it was.  My mind started racing, thinking – I cant do it, I cant have another health problem. 

Fiona then proceeded to tell me what our next steps are.  She said that they want to do some exploratory surgery.  Dr. R said there was some fluid in my uterus and that could be a sign of a blocked Fallopian tubes.  Then she said what I figured she would – Jamie, you need to loose weight before we do the surgery. 

This is a sore spot to me – I know that I need to loose weight, but, I don't think my weight should be a roadblock to surgery.  The pressure put upon me by Fiona is immense and the pressure put upon me by myself is even bigger. 

My next appointment is more than a month away.  I have a big chunk of time to loose some weight to let Fiona know that I am serious.  I do want a baby, but more than that I want less painful periods and to feel healthy.  I don't want Fiona to give up on me and I don't want my weight to be the reason I cant be a mother, Chris cant be a Father and just as importantly my parents cant be Grandparents (that is a whole other post in itself).

Fiona referred me and Chris to a specialized weight loss clinic that has supposedly produced great results, that will be helpful.

I got home from the appointment and immediately looked online for Gilberts Syndrome.  It is a non-health threatening syndrome where your liver doesn't take the yellow out of your blood, so apparently sometimes if I am stressed, dehydrated, or ill I will look a little yellow.  What a blessing that it is nothing serious.

So now we wait and I work.  I work on finding the motivation to loose some weight, to start on my gluten free diet, and to make my health a priority.  Hopefully that will lead to more answers and some solutions.  Hopefully.