Wow, Its About Time for an Update!

Hello Friends!  After blowing the proverbial layer of dust off my blog, I figured it was about time to update.  To be fair, I haven't had much to update about but, I did have an appointment this last week and now have something to write about.

The appointment was on the 28th.  Chris and I got ready and got there on time only to find out the hospital appointment was at 1:00 but, Fiona (the nurse) was expecting us at 12:30.  She wasn't too happy that we were late but saw us anyway.

She started out by giving us all the test results.  We went over mine first, and they were all fine.  Lets see… Immune to Rubella, no Diabetes, no hormone imbalances, and ovaries full of perfectly healthy eggs.  That was a huge relief to start with.  She told us Chris’ sample results which were more than fine, they were excellent – so he wont have to do anymore samples, she seems content that any infertility isn't on his part.  They usually do 2 samples from the male and if they are alright then they leave it at that.

This was good news, nothing is obviously wrong – but it is bad news too.  If nothing is wrong why am I not getting pregnant???  It means more tests and no easy answers.

She said Dr. R looked through my notes and said, aside from the fertility stuff, that it looked like I was anaemic (thanks to the celiac) and also had a syndrome called Gilbert Syndrome.  Fiona then proceeded to tell me that she didn't know what it was.  My mind started racing, thinking – I cant do it, I cant have another health problem. 

Fiona then proceeded to tell me what our next steps are.  She said that they want to do some exploratory surgery.  Dr. R said there was some fluid in my uterus and that could be a sign of a blocked Fallopian tubes.  Then she said what I figured she would – Jamie, you need to loose weight before we do the surgery. 

This is a sore spot to me – I know that I need to loose weight, but, I don't think my weight should be a roadblock to surgery.  The pressure put upon me by Fiona is immense and the pressure put upon me by myself is even bigger. 

My next appointment is more than a month away.  I have a big chunk of time to loose some weight to let Fiona know that I am serious.  I do want a baby, but more than that I want less painful periods and to feel healthy.  I don't want Fiona to give up on me and I don't want my weight to be the reason I cant be a mother, Chris cant be a Father and just as importantly my parents cant be Grandparents (that is a whole other post in itself).

Fiona referred me and Chris to a specialized weight loss clinic that has supposedly produced great results, that will be helpful.

I got home from the appointment and immediately looked online for Gilberts Syndrome.  It is a non-health threatening syndrome where your liver doesn't take the yellow out of your blood, so apparently sometimes if I am stressed, dehydrated, or ill I will look a little yellow.  What a blessing that it is nothing serious.

So now we wait and I work.  I work on finding the motivation to loose some weight, to start on my gluten free diet, and to make my health a priority.  Hopefully that will lead to more answers and some solutions.  Hopefully.

Moving Forward

Hello friends. I thought it was time for a little update, although there isn't much to report on.

I have finally gotten all of my blood tests done for my next appointment with Fiona (Fertility Nurse). It wasn't as many as I thought there would be. When we walked away from the Fiona’s office with a stack of tests I thought that I would be getting blood taken on a regular basis (which actually doesn’t bother me at all). But, I’ve only had to go and deal with the “Evil Blood Lady” twice, once last week when she tried my elbow for veins (NEVER have I gotten blood out of there without SEVERAL tries – even an ultrasound machine to find a vein once – I told her this and she tried anyway) and didn't get anything so she went to the spot on my left forearm that is always reliable. Yesterday she went straight to that spot - I don't know if she just didn't want to fight with me about “her knowing best” or if she just gave in – either way the blood tests are all done. Those tests have included my hormone levels and also my glucose levels and the one last week was for ovulation.

There are two more tests left to do – Chris’ sample on the 8th of July and the Chlamydia test.

Now a little commentary on the NHS and their cost saving methods. When I went in last week I also asked to book my Chlamydia screening. The receptionist promptly handed me an envelope for a “do it yourself” test. Now I have to stress out about that - doing it right and sending it away correctly – I think I might just have the nurse do it. I know the NHS is trying to save money but come on… are there not certain things that are better for the health professionals to do?

Anyway… we have another appointment with Fiona on the 28th of July. Thank goodness she fit us in then because if not we’d be waiting till the end of August while she is on holiday. Just another reason to feel confident with her – she genuinely seems interested in helping us.

While I was looking through my old pictures I came across this one:

This was taken years ago at a family reunion. I don't know when or where or even who that baby is, but I do know that it is my favourite picture of me with a child. There is nothing extraordinary about this picture and I have a fair few pictures with me holding or interacting with children, but this one goes right to my heart. Maybe it is the natural way I look, un-posed and comfortable – but in it I feel like I am seeing myself as a mother. It gives me something to look forward to, but also hurts my heart at the same time. Luckily we are moving forward and that gives me hope.

A New Start

Hello Friends I didn't want to leave you hangin’ about the appointment yesterday so here is the update:

The appointment went really well yesterday. We got to the hospital on time (barely). I was weighted (AHHHHH) and measured and told so wait for the nurse to see me. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing the doctor today because my letter from the hospital told me that I would be meeting with the nurse for an hour appointment. I was really hesitant about this because I didn't think anything would be accomplished (what could a nurse tell me?). Chris and I were waiting and waiting and the nurse (called Fiona) came out of the office several times to tell me that she was reading my notes and would be with me as soon as possible. I was impressed immediately with her friendliness. After waiting for about a half an hour she ushered us into her office.

Once in her office we were greeted with walls full of pictures of babies, the light smell of roses, and calming classical music playing in the background. I was immediately calmed and filled with quiet confidence. It was a stark contrast to our appointment in Kings Lynn already. She told us that she had hundreds of questions to ask me and 50 to ask Chris.

She started asked me about my cycle and said that both the Dr.’s in Kings Lynn and Dr. M had put in the notes that I had irregular cycles but when she looked at my nearly 3 year record (yes I have kept meticulous track for nearly 3 years) she found that my cycle was just fine and that it was well within the parameters of a “normal” cycle.

She looked at my scan notes and said that I did have PCOS for sure because there was evidence of cysts on both sides of my ovaries. She says 1 in 6 women have cysts on their ovaries and that they only become a problem when the cysts stop ovulation, and for me they haven't, so the PCOS isn't the cause of the problems. She did see the mass in my uterus. She said she is fairly confident that is isn't a fibroid or a tumour or anything of that sort. She said that it isn't rare to have fluid in the back of the uterus after a cycle or it could show that the fallopian tubes are blocked (which would cause infertility). That will all be explored at a later date.

As far as “the sample” we were finally able to get some answers! I can honestly say that this was the source of a lot of my anxiety concerning the appointment. It was all good news. Fiona said that in the sample there were around 200 million little guys and that 70% were alive and that 5% were usable (normal is 8%). She said with the higher amount (his sample had well over the average) that the 5% was totally fine and that everything seemed alright. She told Chris he would have to do another sample because, unlike women, male fertility can change quite quickly so they like to have 2 samples to compare. His appointment to take it in is on the 8th of July. Hearing those results were a HUGE relief. Male Factor infertility is a lot harder to fix.

I continued to tell Fiona about my history. She was quite confused at the course of action that Kings Lynn took in my treatment. She said that they NEVER should have put me on the Provera, especially with my cycle. It makes me realize and, reaffirms that it was the right decision to find someone else besides Kings Lynn to help.

So the course of action now is:

Chris:

Sample on the 8th of July

Jamie:

Chlamydia screening

Blood test on days 21, 28, and 35 of my cycle (to see if I am, in fact, ovulating)

Blood tests for hormone levels (5 tests in all)

Blood test to see if I am Rubella Immune (important to know for pregnancy)

Blood test for Glucose and Lipids

I am really pleased at the course Fiona is taking things. I am glad that she is testing me for everything possible. She said because I have such painful periods that Endometriosis is definitely an option (especially since my sister has had it and it is hereditary) and possibly a check on my fallopian tubes.

She could tell how frustrated I was with the whole situation and was so supportive saying, “We’ll get to the bottom of it” and “We will figure out what’s wrong” several times during the appointment.

The appointment was nearly finished and then the subject that I KNEW was coming was brought up,

“Now we need to talk about your weight.”

She said that my weight was not an issue in my fertility because it wasn't stopping me from ovulating. She continued to tell us that the government does a confidential report each year about mother and infant deaths in childbirth. She says they have found that women who have a BMI over 40% are at increased risk for complications including stroke, high blood pressure, and death. That children born to mothers with that BMI are at increased risk for birth defects and death.

Fiona said that I had a BMI of 41% (no, I am not afraid to say it – ashamed, but not afraid) and asked if I was willing to take those risks, to go through everything and then loose the baby. Then she turned to Chris and asked if it was worth us getting pregnant right now if the end result was a paralyzed wife from stroke or worse. We agreed that it wasn't worth the risk. She gave me some options for weight loss (Weight Watchers and stuff like that). I make excuses and said we didn't have the money and she said, “Diapers cost more a week than a weekly membership – it is a matter of figuring out your priorities.” She also told us that in the meantime that we should NOT get pregnant and to use precautions. She said she was sure it sounded strange coming from a fertility clinic but that it wouldn't be safe to get pregnant right now.

Chris and I left the office, especially me, filled with hope and thankfulness that we finally seemed to find someone who is going to help. Fiona told us she’d get us her next appointment (end of July probably).

The appointment has left me with so many thoughts in my head about my desire to have a baby vs. my weight. I wasn't insulted or upset at how Fiona broached the subject. It was in such a concerned way and serious way that I knew it wasn't a personal attack or a way for the NHS to save money.

I know that my weight has gotten out of control and I always knew in my heart that I wouldn't want to get pregnant at this weight. So now where do I go from here? That is a good question. I think it is going to take a lot of commitment, because it isn't going to be easy – but, like my mom said last night, I need to imagine holding my little baby in my arms and it will make it all worth it.

Needless to say this blog, I am sure, will take on different form now that I know what I need to do about weight loss but also finally being able to get some answers.

As always, I am glad for the support and will ask for that support to continue as we take the next step in the journey.