Boy! Chris doesn't write much on this web site, so you know when he does we are BOTH incredibly frustrated! I love when he writes something so that everyone knows that I am not dealing with this alone, and I am lucky enough to have a husband who is as passionate about it as me.
I realize on a daily basis as I read other women's blogs about all different kinds of infertility that I am not alone in my frustration. Some women take the words right out of my mouth as they post, some are so faithful and patient, and yet, we are all the same despite how we handle it - we are all frustrated.
Today I got out some pamphlets on adoption from the local council. Here in England if you go through the council you don't have to pay for adoption, in fact, you receive benefits for adopting. I was reading through the qualifications for adopting and found the following:
* You must be over 21 - check
* You need to be in reasonably good health - check
* A two year age gap between them and the other children at the home - check! No other kids to speak of!
* Live within one hour of Huntingdon or Cambridge - check (unfortunately)
* If you have been involved in infertility investigations or treatment, we would expect these to have been completed BEFORE any assessment was started - uhhhhhh what?!?!?
So in order to give a child a loving home out of the social services system you can be anyone who is in good health and over 21 EXCEPT someone who is struggling with infertility! Does this sound completely backwards to anyone else???
Then get this, it then reads:
Some criminal offences might prevent you from becoming an adoptive parent for example, if you have ever been convicted of a sexual, a violent act or any offence against a minor you man not be able to adopt. However, we are prepared to look at individual circumstances to establish if we can progress your interest further.
WHAT!?!?!? So even if you have been convicted of the above offenses YOU COULD STILL adopt - but if you are dealing with infertility - sorry!
Somehow it all seems twisted around - shouldn't those who are desperately trying for babies have first dibs?? Instead of a family fully able to have their own children, single, disabled, same sex, or unemployed??? Those are all people who can adopt - and although I have absolutely nothing against any of those groups adopting - shouldn't somewhere in the list be me?
I know adoption seems, to us, to be a far away option - but it would be nice to know it is an option - but unfortunately, here in England as far as adoption goes - people struggling with infertility are the only ones discriminated against.
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Thursday, 26 March 2009
The Sucky NHS
So, I have decided that the NHS really does officially suck.
I have had to phone the fertility doctor and my GP to chase up a referral that Dr M should have made.
Upon speaking with her secretary, we find out that Dr M hasn't even sent the referral across to Dr R.
I'm just wondering at what point do we tell them to try and stop playing God with our lives and our abilities to have children.
Do I really have to do the Dr's jobs for them.
I have had to phone the fertility doctor and my GP to chase up a referral that Dr M should have made.
Upon speaking with her secretary, we find out that Dr M hasn't even sent the referral across to Dr R.
I'm just wondering at what point do we tell them to try and stop playing God with our lives and our abilities to have children.
Do I really have to do the Dr's jobs for them.
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Mothers Day - Part 1
No, I don't have enough things to write about to make 2 parts to my Mothers Day post, but I do have 2 Mothers Days (lucky me!). I think that if I had children, then the prospect of 2 Mothers Days would be quite good but I just dread them for now.
It is hard for people who haven't gone through infertility or know someone who has, to know how to handle it. It is a tricky situation - especially on days like this. I know I may sound ungrateful, and I don't mean to - but like I said I wont censor my thoughts, after all if I did what is the use of a place to share?
Luckily today only Sacrament meeting was themed on Motherhood. I understand that it would be silly to NOT honour mothers today, after all I have one of the very best and she deserves all that honour and more, and I realize that things shouldn't be "toned down" for that one woman in the congregation who cant have kids.
Back in Utah, on Mothers Day they often gave out gifts for the mothers. The way that they handled it was saying, "Would all women 18 and older stand and be appreciated." I felt awkward doing that when I was single, but at least there were other single women standing up and I knew I wasn't the only one.
Today was different. They didn't make any women stand up but they did have lovely flowers for the mothers. They said they'd like to give a flower to all the mothers. Where does that leave me? I know people don't know what to do. Before going through all of this, I wouldn't have even given it a second thought. But this wasn't recognising WOMEN it was just MOTHERS. The 18+ girls didn't get flowers, just the mothers... and me (I was the only one without children there - trust me, I looked).
To tell you the truth I didn't want one, and it wasn't so much rubbing salt in a gaping wound, it was more like me, being an impostor. I would have much rather been passed over, not recognized for what I lacked, but rather, not recognized at all. Does this sound horrible? Does it make sense?
After the lovely talks about mothers were finished and church was over, the last thing I wanted to do was carry around the flower - I made Chris. I know most of this is in my head, people aren't going to care if I get a flower or not - I get that. It doesn't change how I feel.
I just think for someone trying to have a baby, someone who desperately longs for a baby, someone who cant wait to make her own mother a grandma - this day, that is supposed to be full of joy and appreciation becomes slow and horrible torture.
It has been a hard day. Full of attention on my biggest failing.
To make matters worse, I got the defective flower, the one with only half a petal and I found that quite ironic.
So, you may be thinking - we cant win! I don't know what the solution is, maybe I would have felt just as bad had I not gotten a gift - but maybe, this next Mothers Day (for you Americans) look around - look for those women who are smiling but don't have any children to care for, those women who put on a brave face, those women who have tears in their eyes - and give them a smile or a hug and let them know, that you know how hard the day might be for them - and that Mother or not, they are no less of a woman and are loved.
It is hard for people who haven't gone through infertility or know someone who has, to know how to handle it. It is a tricky situation - especially on days like this. I know I may sound ungrateful, and I don't mean to - but like I said I wont censor my thoughts, after all if I did what is the use of a place to share?
Luckily today only Sacrament meeting was themed on Motherhood. I understand that it would be silly to NOT honour mothers today, after all I have one of the very best and she deserves all that honour and more, and I realize that things shouldn't be "toned down" for that one woman in the congregation who cant have kids.
Back in Utah, on Mothers Day they often gave out gifts for the mothers. The way that they handled it was saying, "Would all women 18 and older stand and be appreciated." I felt awkward doing that when I was single, but at least there were other single women standing up and I knew I wasn't the only one.
Today was different. They didn't make any women stand up but they did have lovely flowers for the mothers. They said they'd like to give a flower to all the mothers. Where does that leave me? I know people don't know what to do. Before going through all of this, I wouldn't have even given it a second thought. But this wasn't recognising WOMEN it was just MOTHERS. The 18+ girls didn't get flowers, just the mothers... and me (I was the only one without children there - trust me, I looked).
To tell you the truth I didn't want one, and it wasn't so much rubbing salt in a gaping wound, it was more like me, being an impostor. I would have much rather been passed over, not recognized for what I lacked, but rather, not recognized at all. Does this sound horrible? Does it make sense?
After the lovely talks about mothers were finished and church was over, the last thing I wanted to do was carry around the flower - I made Chris. I know most of this is in my head, people aren't going to care if I get a flower or not - I get that. It doesn't change how I feel.
I just think for someone trying to have a baby, someone who desperately longs for a baby, someone who cant wait to make her own mother a grandma - this day, that is supposed to be full of joy and appreciation becomes slow and horrible torture.
It has been a hard day. Full of attention on my biggest failing.
To make matters worse, I got the defective flower, the one with only half a petal and I found that quite ironic.
So, you may be thinking - we cant win! I don't know what the solution is, maybe I would have felt just as bad had I not gotten a gift - but maybe, this next Mothers Day (for you Americans) look around - look for those women who are smiling but don't have any children to care for, those women who put on a brave face, those women who have tears in their eyes - and give them a smile or a hug and let them know, that you know how hard the day might be for them - and that Mother or not, they are no less of a woman and are loved.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Jamie the Cake Maker
Yesterday was Chris' Birthday, and it was a big one – 30! Last Saturday we had a party for him. We had it at the chapel where we meet for church. We spent quite a bit of time setting up and cooking party food. We didn't have as good of a turn out as I would have liked, but we had most of the family there and some good friends from church. I made a special train cake for Chris which he really liked and so did the kids! That along with 45 cupcakes kept me in the kitchen the entire night before here is the cake:
I was pleased with the way it turned out.
Here is the party before the party:
His sweet sister Rachel did the signs and also spent a lot of time helping me set up.
Yesterday we didn't do much to celebrate. We went to dinner but it was PACKED so we ended up coming home and getting a take away. I felt really sad because no one from Chris’ family said Happy Birthday to him but his dad and sister and he has to wait to get his present from America, so I tried a new recipe for a chocolate cake. It was one of the best cakes I’ve ever had (if I do say so myself):
One of the things I did for Chris’ party was get his friends from around the world to send him birthday cards – we got quite a few and I am so thankful for them because I think it make Chris’ birthday even more special knowing that so many people care about him. Here in England they give cards for everything and then display them so here are Chris’ cards:
17 cards in all (yes the one on the far right on the TV is a pickle – thanks Abbie).
All in all it wasn't the surprise 30th Birthday party that I wanted but, I hope Chris’ knows how much people care about him!
I was pleased with the way it turned out.
Here is the party before the party:
His sweet sister Rachel did the signs and also spent a lot of time helping me set up.
Yesterday we didn't do much to celebrate. We went to dinner but it was PACKED so we ended up coming home and getting a take away. I felt really sad because no one from Chris’ family said Happy Birthday to him but his dad and sister and he has to wait to get his present from America, so I tried a new recipe for a chocolate cake. It was one of the best cakes I’ve ever had (if I do say so myself):
One of the things I did for Chris’ party was get his friends from around the world to send him birthday cards – we got quite a few and I am so thankful for them because I think it make Chris’ birthday even more special knowing that so many people care about him. Here in England they give cards for everything and then display them so here are Chris’ cards:
17 cards in all (yes the one on the far right on the TV is a pickle – thanks Abbie).
All in all it wasn't the surprise 30th Birthday party that I wanted but, I hope Chris’ knows how much people care about him!
Thursday, 12 March 2009
The Rope Just Got A Bit Longer
So...
Once I woke up on Wednesday I made the phone call to Dr. R's secretary. I explained to her that I knew that I hadn't worked with Dr. R before, but I was told to have Chris' test results sent to him by my GP and I was interested in the results and also making an appointment as soon as possible with Dr. R. I was quickly told that 1. They don't tell test results over the phone, and 2. I would have to go to my GP to give me another referral because the one I got last MAY had expired (they didn't have any record of the one from October that shouldn't have expired).
I hung up the phone and got right back onto the phone to my GP. I told the receptionist that I needed to speak to Dr. M as soon as possible about getting another referral. She told me she'd leave a message on the computer for her but she didn't know when Dr. M would get back to me.
I had to run off and take my driving test and so I crossed my fingers that Dr. M would call and Chris could speak to her (he is more persuasive).
Later that day when I called Chris he said that she did call back, he explained the situation and what the secretary said. At this point Dr. M got very frustrated (at Dr. R) and said the referral should be valid still and that she would call the secretary herself and get an appointment.
Good news! I am lucky that I have a GP that is on my side but, why wouldn't she be? She has been struggling with medical professionals for us since May - she must be frustrated with them wasting her time as well.
So now we are back to waiting for an appointment - I think next week I will be making a call to Dr. R to make sure that there is something in the works. I'll get in there to see him if its the last thing I do!
Once I woke up on Wednesday I made the phone call to Dr. R's secretary. I explained to her that I knew that I hadn't worked with Dr. R before, but I was told to have Chris' test results sent to him by my GP and I was interested in the results and also making an appointment as soon as possible with Dr. R. I was quickly told that 1. They don't tell test results over the phone, and 2. I would have to go to my GP to give me another referral because the one I got last MAY had expired (they didn't have any record of the one from October that shouldn't have expired).
I hung up the phone and got right back onto the phone to my GP. I told the receptionist that I needed to speak to Dr. M as soon as possible about getting another referral. She told me she'd leave a message on the computer for her but she didn't know when Dr. M would get back to me.
I had to run off and take my driving test and so I crossed my fingers that Dr. M would call and Chris could speak to her (he is more persuasive).
Later that day when I called Chris he said that she did call back, he explained the situation and what the secretary said. At this point Dr. M got very frustrated (at Dr. R) and said the referral should be valid still and that she would call the secretary herself and get an appointment.
Good news! I am lucky that I have a GP that is on my side but, why wouldn't she be? She has been struggling with medical professionals for us since May - she must be frustrated with them wasting her time as well.
So now we are back to waiting for an appointment - I think next week I will be making a call to Dr. R to make sure that there is something in the works. I'll get in there to see him if its the last thing I do!
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
The End of My Rope
I feel like I have no good news to ever put on this blog...
Today Chris woke up at 8:00 and started calling the doctors office. He tried for 25 minutes without getting through and when he finally did get a person and not a busy signal - all of Dr. M's appointments were full for the day.
We were told to call again tomorrow morning. Chris just asked if Dr. M could call him and tell him the test results. The receptionist said yes, she'd have her call at the end of her morning appointments. 1:00 came around and we still hadn't had a call and so Chris called again. The receptionist said she'd have Dr. M call "in a minute" so we waited.... and waited.... and about 45 minutes later Dr. M called.
Chris answered it and asked for his results. She said she didn't understand them so I need to call Mr. R (the fertility specialist) to get the results. Chris asked if she had made me an appointment with Mr. R and she said no, I'd have to call and speak to the secretary.
So I called Mr. R, knowing he had no idea who I was since he's never worked with me before. I was told I couldn't talk to him I needed to talk to his secretary. I called her and she is on holiday until tomorrow.
Once I finally get a hold of her, I am sure I wont get the results over the phone, I'll have to get an appointment which is usually about a months wait - and that is positive thinking (even though I was told that since we were working through Peterborough and not Kings Lynn it should be faster, I wont hold my breath).
It is becoming increasingly frustrating. I keep hoping for that "light at the end of the tunnel" but cant seem to get to it.
At this point I just want some answers - What is wrong with me physically? Is something wrong with Chris? Can I get pregnant? Is it something that can be fixed? Something that cant? I just want to know. I know that the answers to some of those questions might be the end of some of our options, but at least we'd know. Whats more than that, the pain associated with the cysts is something I want taken care of, baby or not... the pain is unbearable at times.
You would think I would be getting quite good at waiting to get this sorted but, we started on this whole journey with the NHS almost a year ago and I am just sick of waiting.
Today Chris woke up at 8:00 and started calling the doctors office. He tried for 25 minutes without getting through and when he finally did get a person and not a busy signal - all of Dr. M's appointments were full for the day.
We were told to call again tomorrow morning. Chris just asked if Dr. M could call him and tell him the test results. The receptionist said yes, she'd have her call at the end of her morning appointments. 1:00 came around and we still hadn't had a call and so Chris called again. The receptionist said she'd have Dr. M call "in a minute" so we waited.... and waited.... and about 45 minutes later Dr. M called.
Chris answered it and asked for his results. She said she didn't understand them so I need to call Mr. R (the fertility specialist) to get the results. Chris asked if she had made me an appointment with Mr. R and she said no, I'd have to call and speak to the secretary.
So I called Mr. R, knowing he had no idea who I was since he's never worked with me before. I was told I couldn't talk to him I needed to talk to his secretary. I called her and she is on holiday until tomorrow.
Once I finally get a hold of her, I am sure I wont get the results over the phone, I'll have to get an appointment which is usually about a months wait - and that is positive thinking (even though I was told that since we were working through Peterborough and not Kings Lynn it should be faster, I wont hold my breath).
It is becoming increasingly frustrating. I keep hoping for that "light at the end of the tunnel" but cant seem to get to it.
At this point I just want some answers - What is wrong with me physically? Is something wrong with Chris? Can I get pregnant? Is it something that can be fixed? Something that cant? I just want to know. I know that the answers to some of those questions might be the end of some of our options, but at least we'd know. Whats more than that, the pain associated with the cysts is something I want taken care of, baby or not... the pain is unbearable at times.
You would think I would be getting quite good at waiting to get this sorted but, we started on this whole journey with the NHS almost a year ago and I am just sick of waiting.
Monday, 9 March 2009
Try Again...
No appointments available today.
Didn't help that neither of us work up right at 8:00 am to call.
I am quite frustrated at the whole thing.
I guess we'll try again tomorrow.
Didn't help that neither of us work up right at 8:00 am to call.
I am quite frustrated at the whole thing.
I guess we'll try again tomorrow.
Friday, 6 March 2009
The Waiting Game... Not Such A Fun Game.
Hello! I know it has been a while since I wrote, and I don't have an excuse for it except that I've had a very hard few weeks.
I thought an update would be in order.
We took the sample in Friday the 20th with no incident (even had time to stop at McDonalds). I kept it in my pocket, as suggested, to keep it warm and once we got to the hospital I thought we'd be in for a wait because we had to make an appointment (and its the NHS). Chris' sister came in with us so she didn't have to wait in the car. After trekking to the other end of the hospital we came to the Pathology Department window, the man took the sample from us, shook it around a bit, asked us some slightly personal questions (keeping in mind Chris' sister was there so we were trying to be as discreet as possible), and then said, "okay you'll have the results in about 3 weeks!" We said thank you and went home.
I guess at the first of this process I would have been very impatient about the results, but this time I haven't even noticed the wait. Yesterday I said to Chris, "Why don't you call the hospital at the off chance that the sample results are in." He did and we were told to call our regular doctor.
Chris called the office and the receptionist answered the phone. Usually, when there are test results the doctor gets them and then types on the screen what to tell the patient the results are. Surprisingly when Chris called the test results were in (shocking!) but the receptionist said she couldn't tell us the results and we'd have to make an appointment with the regular doctor to discuss things further.
Suddenly my complacency turned to anxiety with questions shooting through my mind about why the doctor needed to talk to us. The way the surgery (doctors office) works here is if we want an appointment with the doctor pre-bookable appointments are usually a 2 week wait, but they leave several appointments available each day at first come first serve - you have to call right at 8:00 in the morning and hope there are places left, so that is what we have to do for Monday.
Last night I said to Chris, "are you worried about the results?" he said, "no, they are what they are - no use worrying about them, nothing you can do." Do I wish he was a little more passionate about it? Yes! Do I wish he was kept up at night with thoughts of the future like I am? Yes! But, am I so grateful that I have a husband who can stay calm and inject a sense of sanity into the situation? YES!
I know he's right - whatever the test results are, they are - no use worrying. We'll do what we can with the information given... says my rational mind...
But my louder, emotional mind is shouting at me, "This could put an end to your hopes!" and I cant get it to be quiet!
I thought an update would be in order.
We took the sample in Friday the 20th with no incident (even had time to stop at McDonalds). I kept it in my pocket, as suggested, to keep it warm and once we got to the hospital I thought we'd be in for a wait because we had to make an appointment (and its the NHS). Chris' sister came in with us so she didn't have to wait in the car. After trekking to the other end of the hospital we came to the Pathology Department window, the man took the sample from us, shook it around a bit, asked us some slightly personal questions (keeping in mind Chris' sister was there so we were trying to be as discreet as possible), and then said, "okay you'll have the results in about 3 weeks!" We said thank you and went home.
I guess at the first of this process I would have been very impatient about the results, but this time I haven't even noticed the wait. Yesterday I said to Chris, "Why don't you call the hospital at the off chance that the sample results are in." He did and we were told to call our regular doctor.
Chris called the office and the receptionist answered the phone. Usually, when there are test results the doctor gets them and then types on the screen what to tell the patient the results are. Surprisingly when Chris called the test results were in (shocking!) but the receptionist said she couldn't tell us the results and we'd have to make an appointment with the regular doctor to discuss things further.
Suddenly my complacency turned to anxiety with questions shooting through my mind about why the doctor needed to talk to us. The way the surgery (doctors office) works here is if we want an appointment with the doctor pre-bookable appointments are usually a 2 week wait, but they leave several appointments available each day at first come first serve - you have to call right at 8:00 in the morning and hope there are places left, so that is what we have to do for Monday.
Last night I said to Chris, "are you worried about the results?" he said, "no, they are what they are - no use worrying about them, nothing you can do." Do I wish he was a little more passionate about it? Yes! Do I wish he was kept up at night with thoughts of the future like I am? Yes! But, am I so grateful that I have a husband who can stay calm and inject a sense of sanity into the situation? YES!
I know he's right - whatever the test results are, they are - no use worrying. We'll do what we can with the information given... says my rational mind...
But my louder, emotional mind is shouting at me, "This could put an end to your hopes!" and I cant get it to be quiet!
This and That – Odds and Ends
I know it is past time for an update:
* My Celiac test came back with bad results – My score 119, normal below 8. I am now off to get a endoscopy and biopsy. I still haven't gotten back to the hospital to get my other 5 tests done. Hopefully when I do they will all come back normal. With the prospect of a diagnosis of Celiac I have decided, for right now, to cut out most of the gluten in my diet but not all. I know a lot of people disagree, but I know my body and I know right now, this is the answer and way to go for me.
* We spent a busy weekend with our lovely nephew Tyler. He was VERY hard work, but an absolutely perfect baby. I loved the time with him, loved watching Chris with him, and loved having someone to take care of – but realized once again how much work it is!
* I put up new pictures.
* It is still freezing here in England!
* I have found some websites that I think are great, you should check them out!!!!
http://tipjunkie.blogspot.com/
http://cutegirlshairstyles.blogspot.com/
http://annemariesmusiccorner.blogspot.com/
http://www.sugardoodle.net/mambo/
It is Chris’ big 30th birthday party tomorrow. It has been quite stressful getting things together and having some disappointments but hopefully it will be a very good night. I am sure pictures will follow. I am in the midst right now of putting together Chris’ train cake!
Chris’ parents and his brother, sister in law and 2 nieces are headed over to America Sunday for a few weeks – I am so jealous!!! I cant wait to get back home.
* My Celiac test came back with bad results – My score 119, normal below 8. I am now off to get a endoscopy and biopsy. I still haven't gotten back to the hospital to get my other 5 tests done. Hopefully when I do they will all come back normal. With the prospect of a diagnosis of Celiac I have decided, for right now, to cut out most of the gluten in my diet but not all. I know a lot of people disagree, but I know my body and I know right now, this is the answer and way to go for me.
* We spent a busy weekend with our lovely nephew Tyler. He was VERY hard work, but an absolutely perfect baby. I loved the time with him, loved watching Chris with him, and loved having someone to take care of – but realized once again how much work it is!
* I put up new pictures.
* It is still freezing here in England!
* I have found some websites that I think are great, you should check them out!!!!
http://tipjunkie.blogspot.com/
http://cutegirlshairstyles.blogspot.com/
http://annemariesmusiccorner.blogspot.com/
http://www.sugardoodle.net/mambo/
It is Chris’ big 30th birthday party tomorrow. It has been quite stressful getting things together and having some disappointments but hopefully it will be a very good night. I am sure pictures will follow. I am in the midst right now of putting together Chris’ train cake!
Chris’ parents and his brother, sister in law and 2 nieces are headed over to America Sunday for a few weeks – I am so jealous!!! I cant wait to get back home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)