What’s Been Going On – In Pictures

The seasons turned from Spring – to a nice green Summer.
 
Tyler, my nephew, turned 2 years old.  His birthday was on the 23rd, party on the Saturday following, and I remember my goal for that day (being home for just a day) was to wrap his present.  He is such a funny kid and is soooo tall.  He is as tall as the 3 year olds and it very “solid”.  He is such a good kid and is always making us laugh.  The other day we ran into him at the supermarket.  We said goodbye and as him and his mum walked to the top of the isle and I went to the next one I could hear him shouting, “JAMIE!!!!”








3 weeks after my surgery, Chris had to have dental surgery at a hospital in Cambridge.  He was quite a trooper and didn't have any complications.   He just stayed in for a few hours and when he got home he had the best nurse money couldn't buy – me.

This is our new pet, Freda (named by Chris).  She has made her nest in the rain gutter outside our window.  She has caused me a lot of worry (in England it RAINS and I was nervous for her eggs) but I called the local bird welfare agency and have been assured that she will be fine and interestingly enough, was told pigeons are protected by law and if I move her or her nest I could get charges pressed against me.  I have rolled up a towel to stop the heavy flow of water to her nest and so now I have to wait (and enjoy).  She will incubate for 2 1/2 weeks and then it will be a further month before the babies fly the nest.

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Yesterday while I was babysitting the twins (who we affectionately call “the Germans” – because they are) Chris decided to come with me and we all went on a walk to the church nearby and also the old cemetery.  Even though it isn't too far from our own flat, we have never been to the cemetery.  I often take the twins to the church grounds and let them enjoy the trees (meaning branches, conkers, seeds, dirt, etc.) and the wide open space - I enjoy the scenery.  The cemetery was so old and run down – the stuff of horror movies.  There were broken headstones, vines, big trees, and old graves.  The kids, of course were drawn to the big, fallen branches. 

Gates to the cemetery.

 

Some of the many headstones and the lovely flowers at the church.  As one of the twins said yesterday, “It is lovely weather.”   Here in England – we take advantage of it. It was, a very nice day.

 

The twins with their branch (we had to “downgrade” before we left).  Views of the big trees and old graves with the church standing in the background.

Striking angel statue on the headstone of an eleven year old child.  The grave was over 100 years old.

 

One of the many public footpaths through the fields.  The twins love to “go have an adventure” and explore these pathways.

 

The grounds of the church and the HUGE trees.  You can tell its been hot, the grass is usually a lush green from all of the rain – not so far this summer.

 

The church.  So beautiful.  Sometimes I just sit back and find it hard to believe (even still) that I actually live in England.

 

The twins in front of the church.  It has been such an amazing blessing to work for this family.  I have known the kids since they were 18 months old, and have become their regular babysitter.  They have taught me so much about adapting to a different culture (their parents are from Germany) but keeping traditions from home.  I love to hear them in deep German conversations with each other.

So, I guess life goes on – even when  you feel like it might not.  All I have to do is look around at all the good things I am surrounded by and life doesn't seem quite so dreary – rain or not. 

Mourning

One of the things that make infertility so difficult and hard to “get over” is that unlike usual loss – an infertile couple can never completely mourn the loss of what they will never have – sometimes that is a child, sometimes it is a biological child, sometimes it is natural conception – there are so many different reasons we may mourn.

I have been reading books, blogs, emails, articles, etc. and all of them say, “take time to mourn.”

I have, oh how I’ve mourned – but usually not by outward, public tears.  In the quite moments of the night, in my husbands arms – I have cried.  But, I pride myself in “putting on a brave face” and when I am in public or talking to people, I smile, nod my head, and hesitantly agree with the common adage, “well there must be a reason.” 

But Sunday, I cried.  Sunday I mourned.

They weren't noticeable tears, and I have learned to get rid of them quickly if necessary.

Is this easy for me to admit?  No! 

I was in a church class, discussing Hannah (from the Old Testament).  Did you know Hannah was infertile for a long time?  Did you know that it troubled her so much that at times she stopped eating?  Did you know that her husbands other (fertile) wife would hurt her feelings about not having children?

Well… (keep in mind, this may seem quite silly to you), as we were closing the teacher asked what the parents out there would do if they had to give up a child.  Someone (who I am sure meant no offence) said jokingly, “depends on the day.”

I know that this will be a common occurrence in my infertile life – I do need to “get used to it” – but, it doesn't stop the pain or stop the mourning I was writing about earlier.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want people to “monitor” what they say around me and I know how hard dealing with children day in and day out can sometimes be – but it is all complaining and no appreciating?

In the best book I have read about infertility Infertility: Hope, Help, and Healing – by Kerstin Daynes, there is an appendix filled with valuable information for people who know someone who is struggling with infertility.  Some of the best advice she gives is, “There are many emotions that come with infertility: shock, anger, disappointment, personal failure, isolation, guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, envy, jealousy, and loss of privacy are just a few.  Be sensitive to each of these emotions.  One last thing:  Be a good parent yourself.  Recognize the truly magnificent gift you have – children.  Treat your children well. Teach them. Cherish them. 

Do I think that if I ever get to have children I wont complain about them? No, I am sure I will (after all I do love my sleep) – but I can promise you this much – that those complaints will be coupled with appreciation, and after everything I’ve been through, I might just have a look around and think twice.

**This post was not written to anyone in particular – just a vent.