Hello Internet. I am sitting here doing nothing so I thought I should do something productive... in truth, I have a Relief Society lesson that still needs to be done, a bathroom that won't clean itself - no matter how long I leave it in those hopes, and dinner to be fixed. But, I don't feel like doing any of that.
I am in a bad mood - one of those don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't breath near me moods. Why? Well I don't know really. It has been a long week and I am sure that has contributed to it.
I consider myself a nice person. I try to do what I am asked and I struggle when I cant keep those commitments, which I have learned, makes me a perfect candidate for high stress church callings. I have a chronic case of "cant say no" syndrome which makes things a little hard to deal with at times, but most of the time I don't mind saying "YES!" I have a personality trait - or secret radar that seems to attract people who tend to take advantage of me or more often lie to me. I don't know what it is, but it seems I can find those people in any group - or should I say they find me.
I think when I was younger I was always in charge. It was my way or nothing - ask my long-suffering childhood friends. But it seemed like the older I got the less like that I was, around some people. I was always trying to please everyone, adults, church leaders, parents, teachers, older friends, etc. And somewhere in that switch from having the confidence to tell people what I wanted it became easier for them to tell me instead.
Do I blame anyone? Yes and No - I guess when you are trying to make certain crushes like you, and are willing to do whatever they want and even worse they encourage and accept that you become a floor mat then you can lay some blame with them.
I remember when I took an abuse class at the YWCA, although I don't remember too much, my mentor told me - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. This was a light bulb moment for me - you mean every time I say no and feel horrible isn't a natural feeling?
I think my life is filled with guilt because of things I cant do. This week I had a severe chest infection - and it was a feat of strength to..... breathe? Yes, but that wasn't what was hardest, the hardest thing was to call in sick to work, because I didn't want them to be mad at me. And it goes on and on like that - today the missionaries in our area wanted to come to our house to plan for the week because the landlord was working on the house they are staying - me, cant say no - says sure and they are here at our apartment from 11:00 - 4:30. While I sit in my room just waiting. I could go on and on...
I understand that I can do something to change the problems I have with this - I can just say no! That is definitely something to work on... but here is the thing, that I feel goes hand in hand but that I cant help..
People lie to me. Straight out lie. Why is that? It is quite rude actually and a personal attack on my intelligence. I wont go into details - wouldn't want call anyone out ;) but, I am wondering how I can change this....
Does anyone else have these problems or HAD these problems? Any advice?? Or, I know, what is it about me that attracts these people?
I am in a bad mood - one of those don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't breath near me moods. Why? Well I don't know really. It has been a long week and I am sure that has contributed to it.
I consider myself a nice person. I try to do what I am asked and I struggle when I cant keep those commitments, which I have learned, makes me a perfect candidate for high stress church callings. I have a chronic case of "cant say no" syndrome which makes things a little hard to deal with at times, but most of the time I don't mind saying "YES!" I have a personality trait - or secret radar that seems to attract people who tend to take advantage of me or more often lie to me. I don't know what it is, but it seems I can find those people in any group - or should I say they find me.
I think when I was younger I was always in charge. It was my way or nothing - ask my long-suffering childhood friends. But it seemed like the older I got the less like that I was, around some people. I was always trying to please everyone, adults, church leaders, parents, teachers, older friends, etc. And somewhere in that switch from having the confidence to tell people what I wanted it became easier for them to tell me instead.
Do I blame anyone? Yes and No - I guess when you are trying to make certain crushes like you, and are willing to do whatever they want and even worse they encourage and accept that you become a floor mat then you can lay some blame with them.
I remember when I took an abuse class at the YWCA, although I don't remember too much, my mentor told me - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. This was a light bulb moment for me - you mean every time I say no and feel horrible isn't a natural feeling?
I think my life is filled with guilt because of things I cant do. This week I had a severe chest infection - and it was a feat of strength to..... breathe? Yes, but that wasn't what was hardest, the hardest thing was to call in sick to work, because I didn't want them to be mad at me. And it goes on and on like that - today the missionaries in our area wanted to come to our house to plan for the week because the landlord was working on the house they are staying - me, cant say no - says sure and they are here at our apartment from 11:00 - 4:30. While I sit in my room just waiting. I could go on and on...
I understand that I can do something to change the problems I have with this - I can just say no! That is definitely something to work on... but here is the thing, that I feel goes hand in hand but that I cant help..
People lie to me. Straight out lie. Why is that? It is quite rude actually and a personal attack on my intelligence. I wont go into details - wouldn't want call anyone out ;) but, I am wondering how I can change this....
Does anyone else have these problems or HAD these problems? Any advice?? Or, I know, what is it about me that attracts these people?
