Still Here

Hello Internet… I am still here.
Some days (like today) I am not totally emotionally here – but I am “hanging in there”.
I think though, that I should give everyone a bit of an update of how I am doing and what has happened.  Part of the reason I haven't it because I am struggling with how much info to give on such a public forum – but I do realize people want to know – and maybe someone can be helped by what I am dealing with.

*  April 20th I went in for keyhole surgery to burn out some endometriosis (stage 5 – the worst).
*  They made an incision in my belly button (I HATE that fact) and one on the side of my stomach.
*  Because they were having problems keeping me breathing and because the Dr. cut a cyst and I started bleeding quite badly (loosing 1.5 litres of blood) they decided to do an open C-Section type cut.
*  They stopped the bleeding and decided to remove the left ovary and tube.  The managed to disconnect the bowel from the uterus and clear up most of the endo and put in a drain and close me up.
*  They also found that there was significant scaring and endo on my right tube – thus making me chances of naturally conceiving at about 0%.
*  I was in the hospital for 4 days.  They were HARD and very painful days.
*  When I got home I couldn't eat anything (really nauseous) and started to get an infection.  We called the on call doctor and he came to the house, checked me out, and gave me some antibiotics.
*  I continued to progress well.  I was very well taken care of from people in the Church (my Visiting Teacher is a Nurse).  Chris took very good care of me as well.
*  Three weeks into healing I was driving, attending church, cleaning, walking, etc. 
I consider myself so very, very blessed (despite the outcome).   One night in particular I was really worried about getting a blood clot (I have been wearing anti-embolism stockings for nearly 6 weeks now 24/7).  I just prayed that I could relax and rest.  I finally drifted off to sleep and the next morning when I woke up – I was so thankful – thankful that I had actually woken up, that I was feeling progressively better, and that nothing worse had happened to me in the surgery.
Now, to say that this whole thing has been easy would be a complete lie.  It was easy to push away the implications of the surgery when I was focused on recovery, when some days my goal was just to sit up for 30 minutes.  Now, that I am nearly fully recovered physically – I have found that emotionally I have a LONG way to go.
I am sure there will be more posts about infertility in the days and weeks to come. 
I must say, thank you – thank you to everyone who has reached out to me via cards, emails, Facebook, etc.  This whole thing has been so hard to go through so far away – and the lack of support on this end, from most (but not all), has been more than disappointing.  Your prayers, thoughts, and support have helped in ways that you will never know.  Thank you…. 

What’s Been Going On?!?!

That is what you are probably wondering about me right?  What’s been going on?  Well, I thought, not a lot – until I tired to figure out what to write about and it turns out there is a bit more… so here goes… in list form.
*  I got a new calling at church… Primary President – yes, I know this childless woman is now Primary President.  Luckily there are only 9 Primary age children in the branch so I am starting off easy… although, after this first month I can said with quiet confidence that it might be easier to teach 50 rather than the 2 – 4 that usually attend.  It is taking some getting used to, but I do like it and even if I hated it, it will only be for about 8 months.  It is FORCING me to get organized, and it is worth it just for that.
*  The time is ticking down for my return to America.  We are stuck on our application from lack of money but, the reality is, I will be home in a little over 8 months.  Things have been going so well with it and we are just trying to save and earn.  I am sure it is going to go fast… and I keep saying to myself, as I go about life, “this is the last time I’ll do this in England…”
*  My weight loss is still continuing.  After a slow down for a bit, I am back on track and also right on track to reach my final goal.  I am only loosing about 1 – 2 lbs. per week, but I am assured that, that is the healthy way to do things.  I can wear clothes I haven't worn since I moved to England, barely fit in my jeans (in a good way), and finally fit back into my wedding ring.  It is hard work, but I think I am finally starting to get that exercise and eating right is just “life” not a change that I have to make, because I’ve made it now and just have to keep going.
*  It was my birthday on Saturday.  It was a good day (and my last one in England).  I was woken up by Chris with breakfast in bed, my mom (like always) had made sure I had a little something to open, we went out to lunch, and then since Chris took the day off – we just relaxed.  Chris treated me very well and it was a good day.  I hate to think of the reality that this my last year in my 20’s – and always get disappointed at how little I’ve done in the last year… but, am looking forward to the changes the next year will bring.
*  I still am kind of working babysitting twins up the road.  They are lovely children and really well behaved.  It is good money and a great job, but I am now looking for something a little more steady so that we can up our savings.  Wish me luck!!
*  I have surgery scheduled on the 26th (Happy Thanksgiving to me!) for infertility exploration.  While, I am not very public about my infertility struggle on this blog… it is a huge step towards finding out what is wrong and fills my thoughts constantly.  I will write more about everything on my other blog sometime in the near future.  (If you want an invite let me know).
*  The car is broken again…. so frustrating!  We ran out of petrol yesterday in a huge rainstorm on the way to church.  Luckily our sister in law, Becca, rescued us.  We were super late for church and Chris was soaked, but at least we made it back home, after church… barely. 
So that is all…. more than I thought.  I will update more regularly and I am also going to post some old stories I wrote that I found the other day.  Hope you all have a great week!

My Day in Simple Sentences

I woke up with a head cold – in JUNE.
I drove for 35 minutes to Peterborough District Hospital for the 3rd time in 4 days.
I paid £2.00 to PARK at the hospital for 2 hours.
I signed in for my appointment and was told to wait.
5 minutes after my appointment time I spoke to the nurse and asked how many were ahead of me – 9, yes NINE.
Tried to ignore the annoying woman sitting in front of me interrupting my reading.
Waited for another hour, having minor anxiety about the time left on my parking.
Still trying to ignore that woman!  Cant she see the book is open I AM READING!
Went up to the nurse again asking how many were ahead of me an hour later – 3.
Trying not to slap the woman in the face – STOP TALKING!!!
15 minutes until time runs out on parking I was called to see the Doctor, 1 hour and 45 minutes later than my actual appointment time.
The doctor said, “Have you started on your new gluten free diet?”
“No”
“That’s okay, just do it when you feel ready.”
“Okay….”
“I will make you an appointment for a bone density test and wont be seeing you anymore.”
“Okay… ummm thanks?”
“Bye".”
I walk out of the room not even 5 minutes after being called in.
I drive home with a horrible head cold, headache, and throat – knowing everything that happened in that office I could have been told through a letter.
I hate the NHS (most of the time).
I get home and crash on the bed.
Chris goes and buys me cold medicine and orange juice and makes me soup.
I sleep till 7.
I updated BOTH of my blogs.
I still feel sick and cant wait for Chris to be done with work (at 11) so I can sleep some more.
The End.

I’ll Start Tomorrow… Or the Next Day…

Hello Internet!  It has been hot and sunny here in England – too hot, and too sunny – but that is the least of my problems!
I went to see the Dietician last Wednesday.  The day started out being long as I walked a mile to the train station, all through the mall in Peterborough, 1/2 mile to the hospital and did the whole thing again on the way back home (minus the mall).
The Dietician was very nice, a departure from the usual NHS staff, and took quite a bit of time talking to me about my new diagnosis.  She gave me a list of the things I can and cannot eat.  I cant eat anything that contains Wheat, Rye, Barley, and Oats.  That may not seem like a lot when you see it like that, but almost everything we eat has one of the 4 ingredients and what’s more, Coeliacs cant even eat anything that MAY have been contaminated with Gluten.  This means even a crumb can be shown in my levels in my blood tests.  For me and Chris this means separate toasters, separate butter, separate spreads, and separate anything that might be contaminated.  This also means I am the annoying one at the restaurant that needs to know EVERY ingredient and how and where the food has been cooked.  It also means I am going to be the one who has to have my special bread on a special tray for the sacrament (ohhhh the embarrassment!!!). 
The good thing – it isn't life threatening and the damage can be reversed – IF I stick to a completely Gluten free diet.  The dietician told me to have a nice weekend and don't start the diet till I feel ready or else I’ll just fail.  This weekend Chris and I went to the shop and got pasta, bread, tortillas, cookies, cheesecake, crisps, biscuits, and chocolate for my “last Gluten filled weekend”!  We went out to dinner and had pizza, chips, and fried mozzarella.  The sad thing is, is that most of the things I’ve eaten this weekend have been very disappointing, really yucky. 
Most the time I feel quite positive about it but then my thoughts turn to everything I wont be able to eat again (mostly around holidays – pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pie, pie, sugar cookies, gravy, fresh rolls, pancakes… the list goes on and on….) I cant lie about it (they’ll be taking my blood each month or so to check my levels) and also seeing the Dietician.  I am just going to have to bite the bullet and do it and hopefully not cheat TOO much.
I had set the goal of starting tomorrow, but I keep making up excuses and think maybe I’ll start another day…. :)

D - Day

Well, maybe not as dramatic as D-day but this Wednesday is a big day for me, a life changing day. 
I have mentioned before that I was in the process of being tested for Celiac Disease.  I got my blood test back in December and my levels were very high so the specialist referred me to get a biopsy.  I went through that whole ordeal (the biopsy itself wasn't a big deal, just the drama surrounding actually getting there) and the doctor (here in England they aren't called “doctors” but Consultants – don't ask me why – I don't know or understand it!) said she would post me the results as soon as she got them.
This past week I got the dreaded letter saying yes, I do have Celiac.  The Consultant said she would get me an appointment with the Dietician.  I wasn't going to hold my breath because last time I had an appointment with a dietician I waited about 6 months.  While I was at my interview Thursday, Chris got a call from the Hospital saying my appointment was this coming Wednesday - SHOCKING!
So, what does this mean to me?  It means Wednesday I go see the woman who is going to tell me that “officially” I shouldn't eat ANYTHING with Gluten in it.  Have you ever paid attention what food has Gluten  in it or any kind of Gluten product?!?  EVEYRTHING – alright, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration too, but almost everything does.
The good thing about being diagnosed I will get gluten free products from the NHS – goodbye huge grocery bills (pasta, bread, crackers, cookies, etc.) and everything I’ve read and heard says I will feeling 100% better after a few weeks on the new diet.
But it is a huge change and I am not too sure I am ready for it.  As it is, I don't feel very sick – not like a lot of sufferers who get REALLY ill when they have even a crumb of gluten.
So right now I am trying not to think about it, even though that isn't working very well because everything I eat I think, “awwwww this is the last time I’ll be able to eat this….”

You Say Celiac, I Say Coeliac

After a quite ominous letter received the day after Chris and I got back from our HORRIBLE Brussels trip, saying “YOU HAVE TESTED POSITIVE FOR COELIAC!” (Alright maybe not in bold or all caps but that is what it translated to me) I FINALLY, today, had my first appointment with my Specialist (THANKS FOR THE 2 MONTH WAIT NHS!). 
I had to take the train down to the hospital, after getting there an hour early and then waiting in the dreary clinic an HOUR after my appointment time – I walked into the exam room.  The doctor was very, very kind and took time to ask all about my symptoms and SHOCKINGLY wanted to read all my past history from Utah and even wanted to take some copies for her notes (very refreshing!).  She told me that I should have been officially diagnosed back in Utah, but that she would do a full work up to make sure and then get me on the road to better health :)  She told me that I needed to get another Endoscopy (oh joy!) and also, she would need a full blood work up because often thyroid and glucose are often closely related. 
If you know me at all… you know I have horrible time giving anyone any of my blood – see exhibit A:

This was my arm when I was in hospital a few years ago and they could only find one vein down that arm that they used again and again – and I wont even get started about about the time they had to use and ultrasound machine to find a vein during another hospital stay – needless to say I give those nurses a run for their money!
All of this being said, I knew there would be problems today because I had only had a few bits of muffin and a half a bottle of water in the morning and that equals trouble.
SIX tries later, and not just one little try - the nurses get so frustrated they root around in there moving the needle all around the vein (PAIN) – they found no blood.  So now, instead of getting the results within the week, now I have to go to my regular doctors surgery and get it done there and sent away (THANKS AGAIN NHS!)
So how am I feeling?  I will be honest – I am not at all ready to face it, to change my whole lifestyle and to miss out on some of the things I love.  I have it under control for the most part, I know what makes me sick (including chocolate) and I know how to handle it – can I commit to it? NO, not now.  But then the doctor says, “this is a complete change – there is no halfway about it!  You may not want to hear it, but this had health consequences that reach far beyond an upset stomach.”
I guess I’ll just have to see how the next few weeks play out and see if I really want to do this right now – regardless of the consequences.

Just Say NO! to Nationalized Health Care...

Take it from me, someone who knows the problems with a Nationalized Heath Care.... it may seem nice in theory... but, just take a look at our nearest hospital:

The pictures doesn't give the building justice, you think it looks run down there - you should see the rest of it!

Notice how old this is (and dirty)... I just loved the wording "press to ascend or press to descend".

Notice the high quality wood work on the hand rail in the elevator... Not to mention the dirty floors!

High tech filing system/mailing system/x-ray sorter - whatever happened to confidentiality?

How old do you think this sign might be?

Intensive Care Unit -- looks more like a scene from a horror movie, and honestly it was that dark in there. 

And... if the gloom of the hallway isn't enough, just look down to the waiting room and drink in the beauty of several DEAD plants... oh nevermind....

So there you go, there are some pictures of what we have to work with.  I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel comfortable or safe having ANYTHING done to me in this hospital... and believe it or not, most of them are the same, although I think this is the worst one I have see in my short 2 years here... but I guess it is true... you get what you pay for.

Tiny Moments ... Day 25

Enough said....

Please Pass the Cold Medicine

Alright so it looks like I got a little ahead of myself with my last post... it seems like, although the New Years resolution I shared was quite noble for the time, maybe I should have made a resolution like:  Take more, LOTS more, vitamin C or when Chris gets sick - STAY AWAY - those seem a lot more appropriate now, considering our current circumstances of me, going on 4 days sick and Chris going on who knows how many!  All my other resolutions have been put on the back burner, oh except the eating well one because, being sick we aren't eating much at all.
And it couldn't have been at a worse time - can I be honest?  Just when I thought I couldn't take any more problems, was at the end of my rope - I get sick - and that makes everything worse.
Since we've been back to England (be prepared for some complaining) the following things have happened:

*  We've had to buy a new car.
*  My work hours have been cut to a very LEAN 8 hours a week.
*   They suspect we have a water leak for our apartment.
*  No one will come and show us how to work our heaters so we are freezing and being infested with mold (nice I know).
*  One single page of jobs in the paper and NONE that either Chris or I would qualify for.
*  In-laws that aren't all too happy with me and Chris.
*  Rent STILL owing - council still hasn't sorted out our pesky 4 children problem (they think we have 4).

But before you think our life is all gloom and doom - we did by a dryer (que angelic choir)!
So between fighting my flu, fighting my boss, fighting my landlord, and fighting my homesickness (the biggest fight of all) - we are hanging in there - barely.
And that is the story of why I haven't written... am I forgiven? 

A Series of Unfortunate (typical Jamie) Events

Hello Faithful Blog Readers...
I am a slacker, I know, but to my defense I have had a string of unfortunate accidents that has caused me to be a slacker - kind of...
First - Chris and I went blackberry picking and as I was getting into the car, the door shut on my neck (I know you are thinking, only me) well anyway it gave really tight muscles and damaged something so I had MAJOR migraines.  One week off....
Second - I got a throat infection, knocked me out cold.  Felt a little rough on a Wednesday night and by Thursday morning I was completely overcome.  By Sunday I was feeling a little better after A LOT of pain relief and some antibiotics.
Third - Thursday at work I stood up and got a little bit of a pain in my back.  By Thursday night I couldn't walk.  We called the NHS help line and the nurse transferred my call to a doctor who said, "It is a back spasm, keep really hot heat on it and don't lay down, sleep sitting up."  One problem, I have a hard time sleeping laying down, yet alone sitting up.  After a LONG sleepless night of watching the Discovery Health channel, I broke down and had Chris call the doctor for a home visit (yes, they do that here).  The doctor came over and said I had sprained my back and gave me FOUR prescriptions and said I had to rest and be off work for 10 days.  In the mean time I walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, when I can actually suffer the pain and walk. 
So here I sit, in PAIN, but feeling quite guilty at my lack of writing, and for you Internet, I'll suffer. 
So it seems as if my string of bad luck - is quite a long string...  But it all ends November 19th when - I COME TO UTAH!!!!!  Whoooo Hoooooo!!!!
Would some pictures make up for my neglect???
I don't know if you even care about random pictures... how about you leave a message and let me know... should I keep adding pictures or stop?!?!?  YES or NO!??!?
      
Chris "gambling" at the sea side - yes we only live 45 minutes away from a beach, crazy for this Utah girl.
       
Dead Crab at the Sea Side               The Beach                                    The Sea Side

     
The Fish and Chips Restaurant                       The BEST fish and chips I've EVER had!

     
England had HUGE Spiders          Halloween Decorations                   More Decorations - not much...
Awwww Internet, I love that you read my blog... don't give up on me... I'll try to do better!!!

The Plant that Wouldn't Stop Growing...

Once upon a time Chris and I bought a can with a "magic seed" in it, that when grown would have, imprinted on the shell, "I love you".  We watered it and took really, REALLY good care of it and low and behold this happened....
  It grew, not only grew but flourished, now most people would throw it away seeing that the seed really said I love you, but not me.  I watered it and continued to take really, REALLY good care of it and then this happened....
This is the plant just 6 months later.  It took over our window and had a mind of its own...  and it also grew these...

Yes those are pods and yes that is a regular size pencil. 
Then just the other day I couldn't handle it anymore - I cut it all down and threw it into the garbage bin.

Shall I show you one more thing??
A Long, Long time ago on a Halloween night in the church parking lot, a friend of mine smashed my thumb in the suburban and the thumbnail fell off and grew back.  The nail was a little oddly shaped but that was its only problem, until last December and its gotten worse and worse until now it is this:

Don't worry all the doctors say it is fine and I just have to "deal with it".

Would you like to see some pictures of where I live??
Take a look at the new picture albums to see pictures of my room and some other things.

Appendix, Migraine, and Colds - OH MY!

Hello Internet....
I don't have a lot of time tonight but here is my update -
Chris was in the hospital all day yesterday with a "grumbling appendix" - it sure has been grumbling, but no bursting so now we are just waiting....
While we are sitting in the "hospital" I snapped some pictures....

A "Hospital" Corner                    An Air Vent - No Air Conditioning    Hospital (Prison) Sink

Behind the "Dirty" Curtain    Cardboard Barf Buckets     Chris on a 1970's "Bed"
Other updates:
* I have had a week of constant headaches, wait scratch that, Migraines - I need a massage.
* Chris and I have both christened the toilet by barfing in it (thought you might want to know).
* We both have colds too...
Good News????
IT IS SUNNY!!!!!!  It only rained a little bit yesterday (we were stuck in the hospital anyway so it didn't matter) but today I couldn't have a nap this afternoon because of the sun shining through my window and I didn't mind the lack of sleep at all -- especially since it was because of the sun!!!
And in other news....
I had an appointment at the Doctors Surgery today - the nurse's name that saw me ---
Janet Jackson!

So THAT's why I dont have "wisdom"....

I always wondered why some people I knew had such an easy time after high school with their decisions... "I'm getting married."  "I'm going to college."  "I'm going on a mission."....  Me?  I was always.... ummm maybe I'll do this, or I'll try this for a while.... but never could make a decision - a for sure decision.  That involved knowledge and wisdom of sorts. 

I had some serious pain in my mouth this week.  I finally decided to go to the dentist.  The prognosis... Wisdom Teeth are coming in - or in some cases are already in.  NEVER will I get frustrated with a baby who is teething again.... IT HURTS!  The dentist said "Jamie, you're lucky, you only have 3 wisdom teeth!"  To that I say - no "lucky" would be no wisdom teeth at all -- only 3 is abnormal.  So I got to work today (and I use the word work very loosely) and look on http://www.webmd.com/ and find this about wisdom teeth:

They are called wisdom teeth because usually they come in when a person is between 17 and 21 years, during what has been called the "age of wisdom."

So it all makes sense now... I am nearing 25 - shhhhh dont tell anyone... and just now my wisdom teeth are in, that is why I have lacked the wisdom to make any kind of decision in my life -- because it makes sense that something that feels like a dull object is pushing it's way through your skin would bring that.  Plus - really, 17 -21 the age of wisdom... hardly! 

So ironically this is the same time where I HAVE to make a huge decision in my life.  Man - I hope I can get some wisdom from those teeth before they rip them out! 

P.S.  Not really a good idea to google wisdom teeth imagines... unless you like looking at pictures of huge extracted teeth and miserable people....