Finally… a Date

Hello Lovely Friends! 

I just thought I would update on here that I finally have a date for my surgery.  They are going to do it on April 20th.

This surgery is to get rid of all the endometriosis that has spread through the womb, tubes, and bowels.  When I talked to the Dr. he said that they would try to go in as a lap (like they did before with 2 small incisions), but if the endo was too bad they would have to do “open surgery” and it would be as if I was having a C-Section.  I sure dont miss the irony in the fact that it will be like having a C-Section – I get the scar, just not the baby.

I am very nervous about it.  I will probably be in the hospital for a night at least.  I dread the hospital I am staying at.  It is dirty and dark and just pray that I will be safe (oh yeah, and that one of the very, VERY common “superbugs” that ALWAYS invade English hospitals skip this one on that day).

The other day we called Chris’ mom to see if she could take me to the hospital.  She said, she didn't know and that she would let me know later…  WHAT!??!?!  While I understand that she works, I also understand that she works right by the hospital at the same time I am supposed to be there.  What I don't understand is how she could even hesitate to take me when I am so far from home and it is such a major surgery (maybe I should remind her she might get another grandbaby out of this and if she is lucky one who is a boy so she’ll like it).  So Chris asked her the next day again and she said, yes she would take me as long as we went when SHE wanted to go.  I am trying to decide if it would be less hassle to just take the train.  I don't even dare ask her to bring me home – that might push her over the edge. 

The other day we were at her house and she was watching two of the grandkids (her choice by the way) and she walked past me and said, “KIDS who’d have them!!!” and walked away.  Things like that sting, and we only get it from family.  I had a sister in law who told me that, “J & P only spend time with you and are nice to you because they feel sorry for you.”  Who needs enemies!

And then, to top it all off, we found out Chris cant get any of the days that week off work.  They denied them all.  So I may just be having surgery by myself.  Getting the train there, having the surgery, and then the next day, getting the train back home.

Infertility is such a heartbreaking issue.  I read a sign on the wall of the doctors that said, “The only thing more painful then having a baby, is not having one.”  Chris is a huge support and so are my friends and family.  We skipped Mothers Day here in England and went away for the weekend – but just running away from it doesn't stop the pain. 

Hopefully this surgery will correct a lot of the issues that I have, and hopefully they wont have to remove any ovaries (they might if I start to bleed too much).

Any happy thoughts and prayers would go a very long way.

Hopefully I will update on here before I go in – and after reading this through, hopefully you can make sense out of the muddle!

Appointment Update

Hello Friends.  I just had an appointment with Fiona and thought I would update the blog. 

Luckily, I decided to call Fiona and ask her about some of the goals we had set i.e. weight loss.  She called me back and told me that we would discuss it more at the appointment on Monday.  It was a good thing I had called because she had never told me when the next appointment was and I would HATE to miss it (she was really mean when we were just late).

Chris and I got to the appointment and I was really worried that all the hard work I’ve done as far as weight loss, would not be enough to have the surgery to find out what is wrong.

She weighed me first and having lost enough to get my BMI under the “danger” level (even if it was only by 1.0), Fiona said that Mr. R would “probably” do the surgery for me.

She asked me and Chris a lot of questions about our medical past, to see if there was anything that might put up a red flag – there wasn't.

She then turned to us and said, “You could have the lap and dye.”  Now, I realize that reading that it makes perfect sense and doesn't instil fear at all – but imagine hearing it, “You could have the lap and DIE.”  It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about.  The Lap and Dye is where they put a probe into your belly button (or as they call it here, tummy button) and look around.  They look for endometriosis or any problem causing fibroids or cysts and then they inject the fallopian tubes with dye to see if they are blocked or not.  Here in England it is a day surgery and the person only stays at the hospital if they have any problems. 

Fiona told us that couples usually have a high fertility rate for the first 3 years in a relationship – after those three years the rate drops dramatically.  Since “officially” Chris and I have been TTC for 2.7 years we still have a few months left.  She told us that I was at a weight where it was “okay” to try again, but I am a bit torn about that.  I have worked so hard to loose the weight I have, and I just want to be a bit more healthy before I have a baby.  Plus the timing is all off…  if I were to get pregnant in the near future that would leave me heavily pregnant when my VISA for England runs out – I couldn't fly anywhere and if I got to the USA I wouldn't have any health insurance at all for when I was ready to deliver.  So, it is still going to be on hold for a bit longer.

Fiona then told us that if they go in and do the lap and dye and they find that the tubes are blocked then our only option at that point would be IVF.  She said they used to do a surgery to un-block the tubes but IVF has a lot higher success rates and is not a surgery, like the “tube un-blocking” would be.

At this point we have an appointment again in 2 weeks to discuss the procedure.

I am so pleased that things seem to be moving along – finally, some answers for us… and we are ready for them (as ready as possible), whatever they might be.

Wow, Its About Time for an Update!

Hello Friends!  After blowing the proverbial layer of dust off my blog, I figured it was about time to update.  To be fair, I haven't had much to update about but, I did have an appointment this last week and now have something to write about.

The appointment was on the 28th.  Chris and I got ready and got there on time only to find out the hospital appointment was at 1:00 but, Fiona (the nurse) was expecting us at 12:30.  She wasn't too happy that we were late but saw us anyway.

She started out by giving us all the test results.  We went over mine first, and they were all fine.  Lets see… Immune to Rubella, no Diabetes, no hormone imbalances, and ovaries full of perfectly healthy eggs.  That was a huge relief to start with.  She told us Chris’ sample results which were more than fine, they were excellent – so he wont have to do anymore samples, she seems content that any infertility isn't on his part.  They usually do 2 samples from the male and if they are alright then they leave it at that.

This was good news, nothing is obviously wrong – but it is bad news too.  If nothing is wrong why am I not getting pregnant???  It means more tests and no easy answers.

She said Dr. R looked through my notes and said, aside from the fertility stuff, that it looked like I was anaemic (thanks to the celiac) and also had a syndrome called Gilbert Syndrome.  Fiona then proceeded to tell me that she didn't know what it was.  My mind started racing, thinking – I cant do it, I cant have another health problem. 

Fiona then proceeded to tell me what our next steps are.  She said that they want to do some exploratory surgery.  Dr. R said there was some fluid in my uterus and that could be a sign of a blocked Fallopian tubes.  Then she said what I figured she would – Jamie, you need to loose weight before we do the surgery. 

This is a sore spot to me – I know that I need to loose weight, but, I don't think my weight should be a roadblock to surgery.  The pressure put upon me by Fiona is immense and the pressure put upon me by myself is even bigger. 

My next appointment is more than a month away.  I have a big chunk of time to loose some weight to let Fiona know that I am serious.  I do want a baby, but more than that I want less painful periods and to feel healthy.  I don't want Fiona to give up on me and I don't want my weight to be the reason I cant be a mother, Chris cant be a Father and just as importantly my parents cant be Grandparents (that is a whole other post in itself).

Fiona referred me and Chris to a specialized weight loss clinic that has supposedly produced great results, that will be helpful.

I got home from the appointment and immediately looked online for Gilberts Syndrome.  It is a non-health threatening syndrome where your liver doesn't take the yellow out of your blood, so apparently sometimes if I am stressed, dehydrated, or ill I will look a little yellow.  What a blessing that it is nothing serious.

So now we wait and I work.  I work on finding the motivation to loose some weight, to start on my gluten free diet, and to make my health a priority.  Hopefully that will lead to more answers and some solutions.  Hopefully.

A New Start

Hello Friends I didn't want to leave you hangin’ about the appointment yesterday so here is the update:

The appointment went really well yesterday. We got to the hospital on time (barely). I was weighted (AHHHHH) and measured and told so wait for the nurse to see me. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing the doctor today because my letter from the hospital told me that I would be meeting with the nurse for an hour appointment. I was really hesitant about this because I didn't think anything would be accomplished (what could a nurse tell me?). Chris and I were waiting and waiting and the nurse (called Fiona) came out of the office several times to tell me that she was reading my notes and would be with me as soon as possible. I was impressed immediately with her friendliness. After waiting for about a half an hour she ushered us into her office.

Once in her office we were greeted with walls full of pictures of babies, the light smell of roses, and calming classical music playing in the background. I was immediately calmed and filled with quiet confidence. It was a stark contrast to our appointment in Kings Lynn already. She told us that she had hundreds of questions to ask me and 50 to ask Chris.

She started asked me about my cycle and said that both the Dr.’s in Kings Lynn and Dr. M had put in the notes that I had irregular cycles but when she looked at my nearly 3 year record (yes I have kept meticulous track for nearly 3 years) she found that my cycle was just fine and that it was well within the parameters of a “normal” cycle.

She looked at my scan notes and said that I did have PCOS for sure because there was evidence of cysts on both sides of my ovaries. She says 1 in 6 women have cysts on their ovaries and that they only become a problem when the cysts stop ovulation, and for me they haven't, so the PCOS isn't the cause of the problems. She did see the mass in my uterus. She said she is fairly confident that is isn't a fibroid or a tumour or anything of that sort. She said that it isn't rare to have fluid in the back of the uterus after a cycle or it could show that the fallopian tubes are blocked (which would cause infertility). That will all be explored at a later date.

As far as “the sample” we were finally able to get some answers! I can honestly say that this was the source of a lot of my anxiety concerning the appointment. It was all good news. Fiona said that in the sample there were around 200 million little guys and that 70% were alive and that 5% were usable (normal is 8%). She said with the higher amount (his sample had well over the average) that the 5% was totally fine and that everything seemed alright. She told Chris he would have to do another sample because, unlike women, male fertility can change quite quickly so they like to have 2 samples to compare. His appointment to take it in is on the 8th of July. Hearing those results were a HUGE relief. Male Factor infertility is a lot harder to fix.

I continued to tell Fiona about my history. She was quite confused at the course of action that Kings Lynn took in my treatment. She said that they NEVER should have put me on the Provera, especially with my cycle. It makes me realize and, reaffirms that it was the right decision to find someone else besides Kings Lynn to help.

So the course of action now is:

Chris:

Sample on the 8th of July

Jamie:

Chlamydia screening

Blood test on days 21, 28, and 35 of my cycle (to see if I am, in fact, ovulating)

Blood tests for hormone levels (5 tests in all)

Blood test to see if I am Rubella Immune (important to know for pregnancy)

Blood test for Glucose and Lipids

I am really pleased at the course Fiona is taking things. I am glad that she is testing me for everything possible. She said because I have such painful periods that Endometriosis is definitely an option (especially since my sister has had it and it is hereditary) and possibly a check on my fallopian tubes.

She could tell how frustrated I was with the whole situation and was so supportive saying, “We’ll get to the bottom of it” and “We will figure out what’s wrong” several times during the appointment.

The appointment was nearly finished and then the subject that I KNEW was coming was brought up,

“Now we need to talk about your weight.”

She said that my weight was not an issue in my fertility because it wasn't stopping me from ovulating. She continued to tell us that the government does a confidential report each year about mother and infant deaths in childbirth. She says they have found that women who have a BMI over 40% are at increased risk for complications including stroke, high blood pressure, and death. That children born to mothers with that BMI are at increased risk for birth defects and death.

Fiona said that I had a BMI of 41% (no, I am not afraid to say it – ashamed, but not afraid) and asked if I was willing to take those risks, to go through everything and then loose the baby. Then she turned to Chris and asked if it was worth us getting pregnant right now if the end result was a paralyzed wife from stroke or worse. We agreed that it wasn't worth the risk. She gave me some options for weight loss (Weight Watchers and stuff like that). I make excuses and said we didn't have the money and she said, “Diapers cost more a week than a weekly membership – it is a matter of figuring out your priorities.” She also told us that in the meantime that we should NOT get pregnant and to use precautions. She said she was sure it sounded strange coming from a fertility clinic but that it wouldn't be safe to get pregnant right now.

Chris and I left the office, especially me, filled with hope and thankfulness that we finally seemed to find someone who is going to help. Fiona told us she’d get us her next appointment (end of July probably).

The appointment has left me with so many thoughts in my head about my desire to have a baby vs. my weight. I wasn't insulted or upset at how Fiona broached the subject. It was in such a concerned way and serious way that I knew it wasn't a personal attack or a way for the NHS to save money.

I know that my weight has gotten out of control and I always knew in my heart that I wouldn't want to get pregnant at this weight. So now where do I go from here? That is a good question. I think it is going to take a lot of commitment, because it isn't going to be easy – but, like my mom said last night, I need to imagine holding my little baby in my arms and it will make it all worth it.

Needless to say this blog, I am sure, will take on different form now that I know what I need to do about weight loss but also finally being able to get some answers.

As always, I am glad for the support and will ask for that support to continue as we take the next step in the journey.