Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

Thursday, 4 December 2008

'Tis the Season... and all that Jazz

It has been way too long since I have written, I have had quite a bit to say but tend not to write when I am feeling homesick or depressed because if I did that my blog would be quite boring and would end up being a "pity party" and no one wants to read that -- do they?
It has been a very long hard month (November) here in the Flattley household.  It first started with some family problems that, at the time. was soul destroying and all consuming.  Luckily, problems have been hashed out, apologies have been made, and relationships have been mended.  Right on top of those problems Chris and I were continually hurt by people we considered friends.  We are attending church in a branch that goes by its own rules and accepts dishonesty more than honesty, gossip more than truth, and ignorance rather than acceptance.  We have 5 primary children in the branch but it feels just like dealing with lots of children.  Never in my life have I been somewhere (school, work, family or otherwise) where I have felt so unimportant, bullied, or so ostracised.  This, unfortunately seems to be getting worse, not better and although there are some genuinely lovely people in the branch - as in life, the bad outweighs the good a lot of the time and Chris and I are praying for a miracle i.e. dissolving the branch.  All of this, coupled with a bit of a cancer scare (nothing dramatic, just a visit to a specialist who said nothing was wrong, the result of a concerned GP), a very lonely Thanksgiving, some missed opportunities, and a dear husband who forgot an important date - November has not been my month.
So now here is December and after all that I am supposed to be feeling the "Christmas Spirit", which usually comes quite quickly (in the middle of November) for me but seems to be seeping in slowly but surely - enough, anyway, to get our pathetic 4 ft. tree put up and a few decorations up.  This Christmas is difficult, mostly because I am comparing it to last Christmas when we were home in Utah.  This, hopefully, will be our last Christmas in England (living here anyway) so I am trying to be positive. 
Our town is lit up with lights (pictures to come) and it is absolutely FREEZING.  We've even had some snow...
This month we are planning a trip to London, it is lovely there at Christmas and helps me re-connect with Chris, since that is where we spent so much time when we were dating.  In a few weeks we are driving (with Chris' parents) into Belgium to spend a weekend there.  I am really looking forward to it. 
We do have a lot of goals for the new year, one of which is to travel a lot more.  With £1.00 flights all over Europe it should be a good goal and we are now making every Friday our driving day -- driving to places all over the country that we've not seen.  I am trying to be positive and figure since we are here we should take advantage.
So this is me trying to forget the past month but, I find it quite difficult.  I am sure a lot of your have had to deal with tough family or church situations, being away from home or being depressed - what has made you feel better or forget past wrongs??
I will be posting more and plan on doing the 12 days of Christmas through photos so look for that.
OH! By the way.... if you are wanting a good, by good I mean amazing, online radio to listen to with never-ending choices for Christmas go to http://www.accuradio.com/ -- I usually listen to the broadway station, but switch over for Christmas (although, the do have a Broadway Christmas so I get two-in-one).

Saturday, 4 March 2006

It Keeps Going and going and going and going and going....


I know it has been FOREVER since I've updated my page... so here you go, for the few of my faithful readers...


I am doing alright here in PA.  A scale of 1-10? Most of the time a 4.  I called and spoke to my dad and he said, "How are you doing"  I said "alright, I've come to realize that on my best days - I'm alright, and you dont even want to know what I am on my worst days."


Am I sounding negative?  Sorry....  but I am. 


This is NOT how I thought things would be.  I am still in the Fab Econo-Lodge.  I have come to realize that I get a good 10 minutes of heat out of the heater, have to run the bath water for at least 5 minutes so the brown water can run out and I can bathe in "clean" water, have to hold down the flusher on the toilet, and I dont think that they have vacuumed my room since I "moved in".  But it is my solitude - and when the Econo-Lodge is your sanity - that tells you something. 


The other day at work I spent 2 hours sorting out my nanny mom's scrapbook by 16 different themes and 8 different colors -- themes alphabetized, colors in order from light to dark.  Where is the nannying work there?  Yeah, I dont know either! 


I have children constantly either loving me more than anything or hating me more than anything.  Everyone assures me that "that is what kids do", and I can appreciate that, I really can... but it gets tiresome getting told on a daily basis either "I hate you!" or "My mom is nicer than you!"


I am trying to tough and stick it out - and I will.  I have a friend coming for a trip this month, another friend's trip next and also MY WEDDING! 


But at the risk of sounding pathetic - I miss my friends - I had a little mini-break down the other night when I was watching Sex and the City and in the last episode when Carrie comes back from Paris and has brunch with her friends.... made me miss mine more than I ever thought I would.  I miss my family and there is little that doesnt remind me of them... and I miss the mountains, mini-corn dogs, fry-sauce, chili's, swings at the park with Kim, sing-a-longs in the car -- driving around with someone in my car other than children for that matter.  And I miss Chris... this wedding cant come fast enough... and if we make it through these next 6 months - I'm throwing a PARTY!


I do love the kids... their hugs, smiles, laughs and spirits help me more than I like to admit.


I am ready for my winter to be over and am waiting for spring.