Frustration

Boy! Chris doesn't write much on this web site, so you know when he does we are BOTH incredibly frustrated! I love when he writes something so that everyone knows that I am not dealing with this alone, and I am lucky enough to have a husband who is as passionate about it as me.

I realize on a daily basis as I read other women's blogs about all different kinds of infertility that I am not alone in my frustration. Some women take the words right out of my mouth as they post, some are so faithful and patient, and yet, we are all the same despite how we handle it - we are all frustrated.

Today I got out some pamphlets on adoption from the local council. Here in England if you go through the council you don't have to pay for adoption, in fact, you receive benefits for adopting. I was reading through the qualifications for adopting and found the following:

* You must be over 21 - check
* You need to be in reasonably good health - check
* A two year age gap between them and the other children at the home - check! No other kids to speak of!
* Live within one hour of Huntingdon or Cambridge - check (unfortunately)
* If you have been involved in infertility investigations or treatment, we would expect these to have been completed BEFORE any assessment was started - uhhhhhh what?!?!?

So in order to give a child a loving home out of the social services system you can be anyone who is in good health and over 21 EXCEPT someone who is struggling with infertility! Does this sound completely backwards to anyone else???

Then get this, it then reads:

Some criminal offences might prevent you from becoming an adoptive parent for example, if you have ever been convicted of a sexual, a violent act or any offence against a minor you man not be able to adopt. However, we are prepared to look at individual circumstances to establish if we can progress your interest further.

WHAT!?!?!? So even if you have been convicted of the above offenses YOU COULD STILL adopt - but if you are dealing with infertility - sorry!

Somehow it all seems twisted around - shouldn't those who are desperately trying for babies have first dibs?? Instead of a family fully able to have their own children, single, disabled, same sex, or unemployed??? Those are all people who can adopt - and although I have absolutely nothing against any of those groups adopting - shouldn't somewhere in the list be me?

I know adoption seems, to us, to be a far away option - but it would be nice to know it is an option - but unfortunately, here in England as far as adoption goes - people struggling with infertility are the only ones discriminated against.

The Adoption Option

I was watching Dr. Phil earlier today. He is considered to be a smart man, and I admit it, I can quote some of his best advice (my favourite? "Every Relationship Needs a Hero!"). He is doing a show on teen pregnancy and teens that want babies (the later is a whole other pet peeve I have and needs a whole other post). Dr. Phil had a young teenage girl on his show who was devastated that she got pregnant. She was 14, the father of the baby wanted NOTHING to do with her or the baby, and her dad wasn't talking to her because he was so disappointed. She was in tears and I kept thinking (and hoping) Dr. Phil would suggest that maybe adoption was an option for the situation, but sadly he didn't. I was screaming in my mind, "THINK ABOUT ADOPTION!!!" and It makes me wonder why this isn't a more "popular" option.

Here in England it is virtually unheard of as an option. Abortion is the general choice for most(made popular by a variety of prime time television shows), or to have the baby and raise it (the government here seems to reward that choice). But what about adoption??

I guess this option holds a special place in my heart as I've been deeply involved with a most courageous friend who experienced the situation. Going through that for me was difficult, but I cant imagine how it was for her - to this day I deeply admire her for that choice, especially now. I went through the journey with her and never imagined that at some time I might be on the other side of the story.

So why is this not something that we as the general public encourage? Is adoption more difficult to go through then abortion? I don't know, but I would think emotionally it would be pretty similar, but physically it is different, but still that isn't to say one is more difficult than the other (just one lasts longer).

I love the movie Juno, it puts such a positive light to adoption! It makes me cry every time. I am sure that a lot of it is because I am overly sensitive to anything of that nature, but I put myself in the situation and how, if the time came that adoption was my only option that there would be a self-less girl out there who would consider adoption - consider helping create a family.

This isn't an option that Chris and I are actively pursuing, right now, we are more in the general infertility waiting stage, but for years and years I have had a strong opinion on adoption -CONSIDER IT! Not just consider it, but promote it every time we have a chance! Maybe its time I give Dr. Phil some advice???!!

What are your thoughts about adoption?