Another Website??

Hello!  As you may, or my not know, I am an occasional contributor on my friends crafty, churchy (in a great way), creative, and all round lovely blog.  I write a little something every Thursday about journaling, scrapbooking, or photography.  Have a look at this weeks entry at:  http://homemakinghoneys.blogspot.com/

 

 

In Conclusion…

We finally reached his car and again we went through the whole, almost losing a limb portion of the date. By now there were crowds of people around his car because we got there so early, and they were just talking and laughing and standing in the way of my sanity! He got in. Sat down and didn’t turn on the car.

“Do you want to say it or do you want me to say it?”

Oh my gosh! This wasn’t happening! We said one prayer already! Did we really need two!?!? Where the comics sooooooooo “off color” that we needed this prayer. He wasn’t going to say it again, I knew it, it was my turn. My turn to pray in front of the crowds of people. My turn to pray for something! What? That I could get home SOON? That Ed might loose my number? That I might wake up from this nightmare?

“Ehhh, alright, okay.’

And then I prayed. It was the shortest, fastest, and sadly enough, most insincere prayer I have ever offered. Ever. He looked at me when I was done and patted my leg. He started the car and backed up nearly hitting several people in the process.

We got onto the freeway and I said to him,

“So got any big plans for the weekend?”

Big mistake!

“Well, tomorrow I am going to get arrested. I am going to go to a few schools and take some pictures of some kids for a friend. It is illegal so I’ll have to sneak about it and if I get caught I’ll get arrested.”

What kind of a freaky answer is that??? I don’t think any amount of praying before, after, or during that little escapade was going to help him. Not wanting to know more I sat quietly in the car.

“I’ll have to take my gun.”

Great. I was driving down the freeway at 55 MPH with a man who the very next day was going to go take pictures of children, hidden from anyone, with a gun. Great.

“You know I was engaged two times?”

Did I want to hear this? Was this a confession? When people were telling me about Ed someone had mentioned in passing that he had killed the two people he was engaged to. I thought they were making a joke. I’m going to die tonight.

“Yeah the first one, we just didn’t know each other well enough. The second one wrote me for a while on the internet. We decided to meet up and she kept putting me off. Finally, I knew something was wrong and did some detective work and found out she was 60.”

5 more miles. 5 more miles. Say something.....

“Oh Ed, I’m sorry.”

There. I am nice, I care now let me out. We were now in front of my apartment complex but he didn’t stop. Nope he drove right past to the rail road tracks. About 2 houses away from my apartment. He stopped. Locked the doors, turned off the car and looked at me.

“Have you ever been in love before?”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Where is my cell phone 911 911 911 911. I answer,

“No, I haven’t, I mean I don’t think so.”

His hopeful eyes suddenly looked defeated.

“Oh, okay. Well I had a good time Jamie. I’ll call you again. Lets go out this weekend.”

NO! I was on the verge of being killed by my date, on the railroad tracks. I would have to say my words carefully.

“Awww Ed. Thanks. I am busy for a while with work and stuff you understand right? Hey, though thanks for the evening.”

By now the doors were unlocked, and the creepiness was out of his eyes, mostly. I just wanted to go home but what happened to dropping a girl off at her place. I know it would be best for a Ed to walk me to my door but at this point I think I felt safer knowing he wasn’t. The least he could have done was reverse his car to my place. I could tell he wasn’t going to. I would have to walk down the hill, in the mud down the sidewalk, to my apartment door. He turned back on the car. I took that as my cue to get out. I got out.

“Thanks again.”

“Hey, Jamie?”

I thought that maybe he was going to walk me to my door. I guess that wouldn’t be so bad. I mean after what just happened, that was cake. At least there would be more witnesses by the apartment if he was going to try anything.

“Jamie, can I borrow your cell phone?”

What?!!? Here I am out of the car ready to shut the door on this night of my life and now he wants to use my minutes?? My cell phone?? My time??

“Sure!”

I handed him the phone. He had to call his sister to go over to her house. He handed me back my phone. I start to put it back in my purse and search for my keys. Just as I got to shut the door, it barely closes and he speeds off like his in a race. I watch as his taillights go down the street and then I head back towards my house.

I get inside and immediately call my friend in New York and then my friend in West Valley and then my mom. I shouldn’t have told the people at work I had a date. The next morning I would have to go back and tell them the story. But I guess that is what I get for, what did I say at first?

…I had decided with my horrible, awful luck with men that maybe - just maybe it was the “type” of man I was dating. So I had decided against all of my better judgment and all of my friends judgment to go out with him.

Part 2

…We pulled up to the club. It wasn’t really a club at all. It was a small, small building. One of many in a small strip mall. He pulled out his tattered wallet and got out, not cash, but a yellow 2-for-1 coupon. Now don’t get me wrong. I love coupons! I use them myself from time to time but Ed went on to tell me the following story:
“This one time. I went out with this one girl. And she saw that I had coupons and totally freaked out on me and stuff. So I just wanted to let you know that I would be using a coupon before I gave it to the cashier so you didn’t freak out. I mean come on, if you can save a few bucks, save a few bucks, right?”
Keep in mind this isn’t the full story. If I were to write the whole explanation of the coupons, my “short” story would rival a novel like Crime and Punishment. Let me be honest. Ed paid for my ticket, $5.00. Somehow it just didn’t seem right. I mean being frugal is one thing but cheep, this was very close to verging on cheep.
I hadn’t been there before. Once you paid you walked down a long hallway and entered through a black curtain. When you stepped in there was a room packed with tables and chairs. All black too. They had about eight long conference-like tables in the middle and we decided to sit in one of those. We scooted into the middle of a table that seated about 16 people. Let me tell you the biggest flaw of the seating arrangements. The chairs were somehow welded together. So you couldn’t scoot them at all. Basically once you were sitting there was no moving - especially if you had people on either side of you.
The waiter came by and gave us the menu. It was then I realized I hadn’t had anything to eat all day long. I was famished! He proceeded to tell me,
“Get whatever you want.”
I decided on cheese sticks and a Dr. Pepper. He wanted nacho’s and a virgin Margarita. When the waiter came by he took our order. As he was walking away Ed yelled,
“Hey make sure there isn’t any alcohol in that drink at all! None! I don’t like it. It isn’t good.”
Some of the people around us looked up, I just smiled, what else could I do? Then I realized that the other couple that was supposed to meet up with us weren’t there yet. I asked,
“Hey Ed, where are your friends? The show is going to start soon isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I don’t know, they are late. Don’t you hate it when people are late??”
My mind flashed back to me sitting on my couch waiting for a tardy date just an hour earlier. Just as I was going to make an attempt to start a conversation he stood up and was hugging some people that just walked in. They all sat down. The woman who I had pictured in my mind as a super-human monster ready to pounce, was a short, squatty, round woman. Nothing to worry about with her. Her date was a tall, skinny, lurpy man.
“Jamie this is Steve and Pam. Steve worked with me and got me the coupon, and Pam, well I told you already, we used to date.”
“Nice to meet you both. We just got here and ordered.”
As I was sitting trying to get comfortable in the chairs I heard Steve say to Ed,
“Good job, Ed”
Then Steve proceeded to pat Ed on the back. I don’t consider myself a “catch”. But, I’ll take the compliment, no matter how sexist it suddenly seemed.
In the meantime during introductions the waiter had brought the food to us. I got my Dr. Pepper but still hadn’t seen any cheese sticks. Then I looked over. In the short time it had been since we got our food Ed had eaten most of the cheese sticks. They weren’t passed to me at all. They were gone and I was going to faint from lack of nutrients and they were eating all my food!!!! Ed offered me nachos. I didn’t want his yucky nachos! If I wanted nachos I would have ordered them myself! And now, now my food was gone! GONE! Suddenly the whole excuse of the offensive comic sounded quite appealing. Not because he didn’t give me my food, but because he didn’t give me my food. You know what I mean. How rude of him!
Well it was 7:30. What hadn’t the show started yet?? I was hungry, hot and really hating these chairs. My thighs were touching his and he probably was thinking I was doing it on purpose for human contact with my new “favorite man” when I was doing all I could to stop all the human contact in general. I thought the show started at 7:30! I leaned to Ed, engrossed in a computer conversation a.k.a. foreign language to me,
“Ummm Ed, sorry to interrupt I am your date though, some attention would be nice, but I was just wondering when the show started?”
Steve chimed in,
“8:00.”
“Thanks.”
8:00?!!?!? Another half an hour! What was I going to do for a half an hour? Starve? I turned to look at the crowd and suddenly Ed had his arm around me. I guess the computer conversation is over. I turned to him. I wasn’t comfortable with this whole possession, arm around my shoulders thing so I thought, maybe if I scoot to the side he will get the hint. I went to scoot my chair over a little and kind of make it look like I was moving the chair to be able to face him better, stupid stuck together chairs! That wouldn’t work. So I just turned my body. He noticed I had a purple gemstone ring on my right hand.
“Hey could I look at that ring??”
Innocent enough, I thought. So I took off the ring and handed it to him.
“This is a really nice ring Jamie where did you get it? Wow you much have some money to get nice things like this!”
“I actually got it at Target for 10.00. Thanks though.”
I went to look down at my bare hand and suddenly he grabbed my left hand and slipped the ring onto my wedding ring finger!
“Jamie will you marry me?”
I was freaking out! Was he kidding? He looked serious, didn’t he? No, he was smiling. Was he smiling because it was a joke or because of the petrified look I must have had on my face.
“Whoa, no I guess. Just kidding anyway.”
No you guess!?!?!? It was going to be a looooooooong half hour until the show started. I grabbed the ring off my left hand and put it right back on the right hand and clasped my fingers. If he was thinking this was some leeway to holding my hand he was wrong!
“So Jamie what do you like to do in your spare time?”
Now there is a typical first date question.
“Well, I like to play piano, hang out with friends, go to the theatre, you know just stuff. Oh, I also like to write.”
“Tell me something you have written?”
“Oh I don’t share it. It is just mine.”
“Come on I write poetry too. I’ll share with you.”
“Ohhh no thanks. It is just mine. Sorry.”
“Come on”
“No”
“Please”
“No”
By this point he was starting to lean in towards me and hang on me and... beg.
“I think we are close enough we could share.”
“No, thanks.”
“Come on!”
Now he is starting to get a little pushy, not to mention a little too close for my comfort.
“Ed No!”
I didn’t realize I said it loud. I guess I forgot we were in a public place but, both Steve and Pam were jolted out of their conversation to look at us - along with all the couples around us. Pam said,
“Is he bugging you Jamie? He isn’t getting what he wants... he isn’t used to that.”
Now that comment verges on things that are offering up too much information, especially from an ex.
“Well he better get used to it tonight!”
At that point Pam leaned over to Ed and tickled him and said,
“Oooooo Ed! I like her!”
Thinking to myself she better not like me this is the last she is going to see of me. Just then to my relief the lights dimmed. I sat back, slightly pinching Ed’s skin between my chair and my back, maybe he would get the point then. No such luck.
The first two comics went without incident. There were some pretty funny jokes said and I would start to laugh and look to Ed to see if he was laughing too but he had on his “I’m so offended, but wont leave because I paid good money for the tickets” face. I muffled my laughs most of the time, but there were sometimes I couldn’t help it and turned to see him changing from his first face to the “I do not believe you thought that joke was funny” face. Oh well! At this point I could care less about impressing him and just wanted to have some fun. The main comic came on.
“So Utah, hu? Mormons... I read an article in the newspaper about you Utan’s. It said 2% of the population are polygamists. So by raise of hands... where are my polygamists in the audience??”
Waking myself from the dream that the rest of the date would go off without incident, Ed jumped, that’s right, jumped up from his seat and waved his arms and pointed proudly to ME! Realizing what was going on I tried to stop him, pull him down or something. By this point the place was packed with people all at this very minute looking from him to me with amused faces.
“Must be hard handling that many women!”
“No, just expensive!”
The audience laughed, the comic thanked Ed with his eyes for going along with this whole thing and Ed sat down. Placing his arm around me again. The stares lingered from people in the audience. He smiled at me,
“That was funny hu Jamie.”
I gave a half smile with a pure look of fear and turned back to the comic. Please don’t make any more jokes about Mormons, or marriage, or men, or women, or love, or sex or anything. Please end now – for the love... LET ME GO HOME!
The set was going well. The jokes turned to Hollywood and things Ed wouldn’t know about. Then it happened again.
“There are some beautiful women in Utah!”
“Right here!”
Ed yelled pointing at me. Like I said before, I don’t think I am anything special, but even this time although the compliment was just that - a compliment - I was so humiliated that I didn’t want it.
“Beautiful women, like you - you have beautiful black hair, and you, you are a cute little thing, and you, wow!”
“Right here! She’s beautiful, Right here!!!”
Ed continued to yell. Turning to him and trying to silence him, he finally gave up. Why he gave up I’ll never know. But thank heavens! He gave up. Endearing and flattering as it was - he gave up.
The sets were over. Time to go home. Best part of the night. We shuffled out with the rest of the crowd. Many of the guys giving us looks of amusement and many of the women giving me looks of sympathy. The comics were all standing in a line ready to shake our hands and give away some of those yellow coupons. I was in front of Ed. We had said a quick good-bye to his friends inside because they were still paying. I hurried out as quickly as possible and I heard to my terror Ed yelling to me over the crowd,
“I didn’t like it Jamie. I thought that the jokes were very off-color and all those guys just look so depressed.”
I didn’t look back, I couldn’t then I would have to look at the faces of the comics. I walked toward the door. I wanted out. Get me out get me out get me out!!!!!!!!!
To Be Continued (in one more part)…

A Night To Remember…

I had decided. I had decided with my horrible, awful luck with men (and I use the term men very loosely) that maybe - just maybe it was the “type” of men I was dating. I had decided against all of my better judgment and all of my friends better judgment to go out with him. Sure he wore white, old, gym shoes with his Sunday pants, sure those worn pants looked like he was waiting and prepared for that flood Utah had been predicting for years and years and years (right). But when I cut my finger, with a small pocket knife at the Christmas party he sure seemed quite normal and caring. You know making sure I wasn’t losing too much blood, finding a un-used napkin to wrap it in and being very attentive to my every need. Besides, was it really for me to judge what was “normal”? He was nice to me. Very nice.
The day he followed me out to the parking lot after church was the first time I had the slightest twinge of a second thought about him. He asked me for my phone number,
“So eh, maybe eh, we might be eh, able to eh, go out and eh, do something, maybe, sometime?”
With his big, toothy, but endearing grin and the way he nervously pushed his blonde hair back, standing there like a nervous little boy - come on! How could I say no??? So I smiled, squinting into the sunlight and said a quick but intrigued,
“Sure!”
My number one dating support was not around when I made these plans for the date. She was across the country in New York. I couldn’t use her to make sure his message on my phone didn’t sound too creepy, or that I dressed conservatively enough for him. This should have been my first warning sign - Dressing conservatively. Usually on a date you are worried about not dressing sexy enough, but with this guy I felt like wearing a long skirt and turtle neck would be a little too much... maybe I needed gloves. I was at this alone! It was okay, embarking on my new independent life meant I was capable enough to get myself ready for a date without another woman’s advice.
He showed up late. I guess I was surprised. I mean a first date and late? I lived at a fairly easy address to find. Whatever. I didn’t invite him in mainly because we didn’t have time, and I guess more honestly because I didn’t want him to be too comfortable.
He had parked across the street. Just far enough to not quite step from curb to floor of car, just close enough that it made it quite difficult to try to work my way in with the curb in the way. Thank goodness I didn’t wear the skirt. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. Looking like he ran off from wherever he worked, a place without a dress code, and came to my place. And those gym shoes!! Did he ever take them off??? I on the other hand I was wearing my nice and conservative slacks and button up shirt. As he shut my car door I was just quick enough to move my foot out of the way before it was violently crushed in the tragic accident of door injury. Although I have never heard of this happening, an appendage being take off by a date closing the door too soon, I was afraid that I would be the first. I sat in silence as he went to his side. Nice car. He cant be too bad if he drove a car like this. Definitely not a Jeep but definitely not a Station Wagon, like I had expected.
Let me back up a little. Let me tell you as much about “Ed” as I knew when I agreed to go out with him. He was older than me. He lived in our small town. He came from a polygamist family. And.... nope that is about all I knew.
Back to the story. So we now are both sitting in his car. I expect him to turn the car on, and drive away. Wouldn’t anyone?? I still didn’t know where we were going or who we were going with or if the date was actually sitting in his car for a few hours. He looked over at me and asked quite matter-of-a- fact,
“Are you going to say it or do you want me to say it?”
I laugh. This isn’t how most people start conversations, but okay.
“Say what?”
I asked innocently. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“The prayer. Do you want to say it or do you want me to say it?”
He asked again. A prayer!?!? Okay now lets get something straight although, I have at times been religious, never have I said a prayer before a date. I thought it was just a myth of sorts, a rumor spread by the adults in the church to get us to realize “How very serious dating is.” Never, NEVER had it happened to me on a date before! Probably because God wouldn’t want to be included on the dates I went on. Okay, okay fine. A prayer couldn’t hurt. So I persuaded him to say it. After one abnormally long prayer - especially to start a date, we were off. I still didn’t know where we were going though.
“Ed, I was just wondering what you had planned for the night.”
Expecting a dinner and movie I was surprised to hear him answer,
“We are going to the comedy club. We are meeting another couple there. Two friends, don’t be jealous, but, I used to date the girl who is going to be there. Yeah, we were priii-tee serious. Oh and Jamie, I am quite worried.”
Okay so there is going to be an “ex” there. Was she a big, strong, jealous woman who hated red-heads??
“The things the comics might say might really offend you, if that, in reality is the case, please don’t hesitate to tell me and we will leave.”
Suddenly I was transported. Transported to sitting in a classroom as a two year old. That is how he was speaking to me. Soft and slowly so that I would understand. If Ed knew me at all he would know that very little a comic in Utah might say would offend me. Plus what did I really have to worry about? He said prayer, right??
To Be Continued…
**Written in 2005

Hi, I’m Jamie and I’m and Idea Addict…

I am sure it doesn’t come as too much of a surprise to a lot of people who know me that I always have that “really good idea”.  When I was single I used to scare my friends whenever I’d turn to them and say, “Hey! I have an idea!!!”  That feeling of mild panic has now spread to my husband who gets the “dear (get it, dear??) in the headlight” look whenever I say that same sentence. 
In my mind there is always a good idea (according to me).  Part of this having a good idea often translates into my ultimate dream of becoming a published author.  Sometimes I just have so many book ideas floating around in there I cant see straight!  But, have I ever written this good ideas into reality?  No. 
Luckily I now have a little outlet for some of these ideas.  For a while here in England I’ve been the resident journal/scrapbooking expert in my church.  I don’t know how this came about and I am FAR from an expert (I think maybe its because I am from Utah and EVERYONE there is required to be VERY crafty – I joke).  I asked a friend of mine – who I met through some wonderful and strange happenings – if I might be able to contribute to her blog – she said yes, bless her, and well now I write for her blog about – journals and scrapbooking!  It isn't a huge contribution, but it is a way for me to practice my writing.  I write on every Thursday – http://homemakinghoneys.blogspot.com/ – come have a look – not just on Thursdays mind you, she has some great ideas as well .
On a side note I am going to start putting up more of my writing on this blog – starting with a little story I wrote about my worst.date.ever!  It’s much to write home about but I think it’s a pretty funny story (well it is now – when he was looking at me with creepy/lustful eyes – it wasn’t too much).  Stay tuned!!!