Life in the UK... Day 4

The stress and the studying might just kill me... D-day tomorrow... wish me luck...

Did you know that in the UK 7/10 people say that they have a religion but out of those, only 10% actually attend services!

Life in the UK... Day 3

My confidence was CRUSHED yesterday, while going through my flashcards and getting the SAME ONES WRONG - EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Did you know that in England you are legally allowed to drink at 16, if you are having beer or wine at a restaurant or a hotel.

Life in the UK... Day 2

I am feelings uncharacteristically confident in my test.  I've committed to spending 1 hour a day to studying... Here is your fact for today:

Did you know that in England, once you get your drivers license at 17 (that is when you can get a provisional licenses and you have to drive around with a big red L on your car), once you pass your tests and you actually have a license, it is valid until you are 70 years old.  No renewals, nothing.

Life in the UK

Hello Internet.  I have a huge day coming up... Friday - it is the day I take my test for my Visa to stay in the UK.  I am SCARED.  This is a one shot deal, if I don't pass its back to Utah I come.... (Don't get any ideas Abbie).  In preparation for my test I am studying the "Life in the UK" book like crazy!  I thought every day this week I'd write a little fact about the UK... (I cant guarantee it will be interesting, but a fact none the less)...

Did you know that the Monarchy here in England has absolutely no power when it comes to the Government.  All the Queen can do is Advise, Warn, and Encourage the Government.

Just Say NO! to Nationalized Health Care...

Take it from me, someone who knows the problems with a Nationalized Heath Care.... it may seem nice in theory... but, just take a look at our nearest hospital:

The pictures doesn't give the building justice, you think it looks run down there - you should see the rest of it!

Notice how old this is (and dirty)... I just loved the wording "press to ascend or press to descend".

Notice the high quality wood work on the hand rail in the elevator... Not to mention the dirty floors!

High tech filing system/mailing system/x-ray sorter - whatever happened to confidentiality?

How old do you think this sign might be?

Intensive Care Unit -- looks more like a scene from a horror movie, and honestly it was that dark in there. 

And... if the gloom of the hallway isn't enough, just look down to the waiting room and drink in the beauty of several DEAD plants... oh nevermind....

So there you go, there are some pictures of what we have to work with.  I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel comfortable or safe having ANYTHING done to me in this hospital... and believe it or not, most of them are the same, although I think this is the worst one I have see in my short 2 years here... but I guess it is true... you get what you pay for.

HOT!

Hello Internet.... It is HOT in England... take your breath away, dripping with sweat, sticking to the chairs H.O.T.  I don't think I will ever get used to this weather.  When I first moved here I was living in the trailer (caravan) and it was hot like this.... lets get this right when I say hot I mean, 75, but that is hot!  That is on an island with TONS of humidity!  Some of you will know what I mean when I say I'd rather have 105 with NO humidity, than this.  And to top things all off, not only does the English population on a whole not have dishwashers, dryers, and so many other things but they do not believe in air conditioners either... the only relief is in McDonalds (freezing) or the supermarkets!  Anyway, just thought I'd complain a little.  Today was Mothers Day in America and so the American missionaries came to our house to call home.  It was nice to see them happy to talk to their families.  We were bored so we called my lovely sister-in-law Rachel, and we "borrowed" her baby boy, CJ, for the day.  Here is a picture...

Poor baby, dying of heat too.... Stay tuned... maybe, I'll write more this week, that is, if I don't DIE of heat stroke.  

The Appointment... Dum Dum Dummmmmm

Well sorry it has taken me so long to write this entry. My appointment was on Wednesday and it is just now that I can kind of get my head around what we were told.

I got the morning off work and Chris and I headed to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Kings Lynn. It is about 40 minutes away but they were the one that could get me in the soonest so that is where we went. We parked up the car (and had to pay to park!) and walked to the appointment. As we were walking down the corridors there were all these pregnant women walked past me and I couldn't help but feel like it was a bit insensitive to have the infertility office at the same place where we could be bombarded by everything we were hoping for but everything that was just out of our grasp. While sitting in the waiting room I looked around at all the posters of babies all over the wall, all the women rubbing their bellies, and through my whole wait I could hear babies heartbeats coming from the back rooms where they do the ultrasounds - it was a long wait.

Chris and I did finally get called back to see the doctor. He asked us several questions, very personal questions (I figured) and then said that they first rule out if it is a "mechanical" problem. He said he needed to do an exam (I figured that too). Poor Chris, has never had to deal with anything like this in his life. There was the exam table, and a chair by my head and two down nearer my feet. Chris went to sit on the ones near my feet and I firmly suggested that he make his way up nearer my head, "but I wasn't going to look," he says - I explained to him that I would just feel a lot more comfortable with him near my head.

*Warning Girly Details*
see anything with this rubbish machine," and directed me to wrap the sheet around me and follow him to another room with a newer machine. Chris opted to stay in the room and let me go this part on my own. I got to the other room and he repeated the internal scan this time with a machine that looked like it was made in the current The doctor did a regular examination taking lots of swabs to test for different things. All the while telling me to "Relax" the most useless word at a time like that. Then he decided that he would want to do an ultrasound to see if there were any cysts. I figured I had had an ultrasound before when I wasn't well, so, that would be fine, I gave my permission. Then, to my horror I see him pull out a probe of sorts, it was at that point he told me it would be an internal scan. I will spare you the gruesome details suffice to say, the first part of the exam was a walk in the park. While he was doing the scan he looked quite concerned and said he, "couldn't tell anything with such a rubbish machine," and asked me to put the sheet around me and walk down the hall to another room. While in there the whole internal scan was repeated, but this time with a machine that looks like it was made in THIS century, not a few past. All of the sudden he started printed pictures like mad and asked the nurse to go get the head doctor. She came back in and said he would be right there so we just waited... in the middle of the exam we just waited for 5 minutes, then the nurse told us he was on the phone and she'd go check again... then we waited some more. Finally the other doctor came in and looked at the screen and confirmed what the other doctor had suspected - endometriosis caused by 2 cysts. He asked me to head back to the other exam room and wait.

I went back in and got dressed and waiting for the news. Cysts, from what I've heard are easily treated. But then, that is with American health care... NOT the NHS (nationalized health care -- JUST SAY NO!). The first doctor explained it like this, "You have two cysts - one that is 5 cm on your left side and one that is 2 cm on your right side. There is some blood in the one on your left and this cyst is causing your endometriosis. We will have to do surgery and because you are heavier, it will be an in-patient surgery. The wait for this surgery, if we put you on the list now, is 12 - 16 weeks. After this surgery (and maybe during, depending on how well it goes) we will need to inject dye into your Fallopian Tubes to see if the cysts have made adhesions, causing them to close up and not release an egg. If we cant do it at the same time, you'll have to be put on a waiting list for this."

Enter head doctor... he says, "Because you are heavy we will not operate until you loose 2 stone (upwards of 26 lbs.) We will give you hormones to stop they cyst from getting bigger, set up an appointment in 4 months and then we'll see how you are doing. If you are loosing the weight we will THEN schedule you for surgery and put you on the waiting list. You see, the NHS wants value for money , they wont operate or help anyone unless it is 'worth their money'."

Tear my heart out....

The doctor sent us on our way to make an appointment for September - problem is, there are no available appointments in September, so now we are into October.

So that is how it went, now would you like to know how I feel?

I HATE that the problem could be easy to fix but, because we use the NHS they wont help us right now.
I HATE that we are looking at, a min. of about 2 years before we can even TRY.

We are not telling people about the fact that I have to loose weight (and by people I mean people near us), the last thing I need is people analyzing everything I eat.

I, somehow, am going to have to get used to the fact that for a while a baby cant be in our life plans and that makes me really sad. I don't know how I am going to do get used to it. I also have to become less sensitive and realize that people don't say things just to "rub it in my face". I don't want people to have to walk on eggshells around me.

We have had several people who we've told us miracle stories of people who had cysts who had babies... we know, we know... but it wont be us, the problem is too big right now and to be honest it isn't what we need to hear.

Adoption was always something we considered, but with the laws for immigrating a child to America that, right now, is not an option.

We were going to foster care, but I got a phone call today and the woman said that until we have a 2 bedroom place (read: more money that we don't have) we will never be approved.

And to be honest... all I want right now is to be in America, with my family and friends, but I am stuck here and it looks like unless there is a free house we could move into, and a job waiting for us - this is where we'll be for the medial treatment - and here I'll be childless, lonely and missing home.

I know that is quite negative, but it is going to talk a while to see the positive.

Injustice or blown out of proportion?

So, I was thinking the other day about how our situation could be an injustice.

Let me paint a picture. I have 4 siblings who all have children.

1 had a child out of wedlock, and smoked through pregnancy

1 had a child out of wedlock, smoked through pregnancy and is 17

They say they feel like it is such a burden to have the child. They feel that the child is a nuisance. They say that they wish the child would stop being so troublesome.

I couldn't help but think that this is such a grave injustice and an utter travesty. Here Jamie & I are, doing everything the 'right way', yet we can't have children.

Is this really an injustice or am I just blowing it out of all proportion?

I can't help but feel that it is both.

I know that the Lord has (edit: I put had, I meant has) a plan for Jamie and I and that this is just a trial that we have to go through.

What are your guys' thoughts?

Blessings

Sometimes in this situation it is hard to find, or recognise the blessings around - but Chris and I have some blessings, 5 little ones to be specific.

Chris and I have 5 lovely nieces and nephews and we are lucky enough that their parents trust us to let us take them for a day - not all at once though (I am not crazy!).

Yesterday we took Georgia (18 months) and CJ (7 months) out to the cafe, and petting zoo of sorts with our good friend Nettie and her darling daughter Maisie. We had a great time. It was fun to watch the kids with the animals. It was even funner to watch Chris put the car seat in the car wrong way round, get frustrated with Georgia for playing with the train track he built, and try to keep Georgia near by. It is great to see him be protective and so kind towards the kids. And they LOVE him. Whenever Chris isnt near, you can hear Georgia saying over and over, "Piss, Piss?" (translation: Chris, Chris).

After the day out we brought them back to our very un-kidfriendly apartment. After a while I took Georgia into the front room and we cuddled while we watched all sorts of crap kids programing (she liked it, thats all that matters).

But the most heart-warming thing happened while we were watching tv. Chris took CJ into the room (Chris needed a nap from all the hard work of the day), and he layed CJ on the bed next to him. For a while I could hear CJ just laughing and laughing at Chris. The next minute it was silent. I went and checked on them and they had both fallen asleep. When I went in to wake them up I saw CJ laying on my side of the bed with his hads up over his head, looking soooo comfortable, his hand wrapped around Chris finger, who was laying right next to him asleep as well.

It was one of those moments you want to store in your memory forever.

We are so lucky to have these kids in our lives. Our lives are better and happier with them in it.

My Week

Hello Internet.  I am sitting here doing nothing so I thought I should do something productive... in truth, I have a Relief Society lesson that still needs to be done, a bathroom that won't clean itself - no matter how long I leave it in those hopes, and dinner to be fixed.  But, I don't feel like doing any of that.
I am in a bad mood - one of those don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't breath near me moods.  Why?  Well I don't know really.  It has been a long week and I am sure that has contributed to it.
I consider myself a nice person.  I try to do what I am asked and I struggle when I cant keep those commitments, which I have learned, makes me a perfect candidate for high stress church callings.  I have a chronic case of "cant say no" syndrome which makes things a little hard to deal with at times, but most of the time I don't mind saying "YES!"  I have a personality trait - or secret radar that seems to attract people who tend to take advantage of me or more often lie to me.  I don't know what it is, but it seems I can find those people in any group - or should I say they find me. 
I think when I was younger I was always in charge.  It was my way or nothing - ask my long-suffering childhood friends.  But it seemed like the older I got the less like that I was, around some people.  I was always trying to please everyone, adults, church leaders, parents, teachers, older friends, etc.  And somewhere in that switch from having the confidence to tell people what I wanted it became easier for them to tell me instead.
Do I blame anyone?  Yes and No - I guess when you are trying to make certain crushes like you, and are willing to do whatever they want and even worse they encourage and accept that you become a floor mat then you can lay some blame with them. 
I remember when I took an abuse class at the YWCA, although I don't remember too much, my mentor told me - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. This was a light bulb moment for me - you mean every time I say no and feel horrible isn't a natural feeling?
I think my life is filled with guilt because of things I cant do.  This week I had a severe chest infection - and it was a feat of strength to..... breathe? Yes, but that wasn't what was hardest, the hardest thing was to call in sick to work, because I didn't want them to be mad at me.  And it goes on and on like that - today the missionaries in our area wanted to come to our house to plan for the week because the landlord was working on the house they are staying - me, cant say no - says sure and they are here at our apartment from 11:00 - 4:30.  While I sit in my room just waiting.  I could go on and on...
I understand that I can do something to change the problems I have with this - I can just say no!  That is definitely something to work on... but here is the thing, that I feel goes hand in hand but that I cant help..
People lie to me.  Straight out lie.  Why is that?  It is quite rude actually and a personal attack on my intelligence.  I wont go into details - wouldn't want call anyone out ;) but, I am wondering how I can change this....
Does anyone else have these problems or HAD these problems?  Any advice?? Or, I know, what is it about me that attracts these people?