The appointment today didn't work out.
Next appointment available to take in a sample and drop it off at the front desk?? Feb. 20th - the wait continues.
(Chanting in my mind) Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue.
I am keeping it all inside and being calm... but you can bet the next time I am suffering with my MIND NUMBING cramps... I might not be so silent.
Just a warning.
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Friday, 23 January 2009
The Adoption Option
I was watching Dr. Phil earlier today. He is considered to be a smart man, and I admit it, I can quote some of his best advice (my favourite? "Every Relationship Needs a Hero!"). He is doing a show on teen pregnancy and teens that want babies (the later is a whole other pet peeve I have and needs a whole other post). Dr. Phil had a young teenage girl on his show who was devastated that she got pregnant. She was 14, the father of the baby wanted NOTHING to do with her or the baby, and her dad wasn't talking to her because he was so disappointed. She was in tears and I kept thinking (and hoping) Dr. Phil would suggest that maybe adoption was an option for the situation, but sadly he didn't. I was screaming in my mind, "THINK ABOUT ADOPTION!!!" and It makes me wonder why this isn't a more "popular" option.
Here in England it is virtually unheard of as an option. Abortion is the general choice for most(made popular by a variety of prime time television shows), or to have the baby and raise it (the government here seems to reward that choice). But what about adoption??
I guess this option holds a special place in my heart as I've been deeply involved with a most courageous friend who experienced the situation. Going through that for me was difficult, but I cant imagine how it was for her - to this day I deeply admire her for that choice, especially now. I went through the journey with her and never imagined that at some time I might be on the other side of the story.
So why is this not something that we as the general public encourage? Is adoption more difficult to go through then abortion? I don't know, but I would think emotionally it would be pretty similar, but physically it is different, but still that isn't to say one is more difficult than the other (just one lasts longer).
I love the movie Juno, it puts such a positive light to adoption! It makes me cry every time. I am sure that a lot of it is because I am overly sensitive to anything of that nature, but I put myself in the situation and how, if the time came that adoption was my only option that there would be a self-less girl out there who would consider adoption - consider helping create a family.
This isn't an option that Chris and I are actively pursuing, right now, we are more in the general infertility waiting stage, but for years and years I have had a strong opinion on adoption -CONSIDER IT! Not just consider it, but promote it every time we have a chance! Maybe its time I give Dr. Phil some advice???!!
What are your thoughts about adoption?
Name That Tune...
When I was "working" for the government, I spent a lot of time downloading songs I LOVED! I would be sitting there day dreaming and a memory would pop into my head and inevitably it would have music associated with it.
My high school experience has a great soundtrack full of: swing music, Broadway, punk, and alternative music.
Whenever I think of my 2 greatest friends from life my memories often are accompanied by "In The Jungle", "Going to the Chapel", and many other 1950's era favourites and a constant stream of belly laughs!
My family life is fully of Eagles, Crosby Stills and Nash, Beatles on Saturday mornings and I can sing MANY Olivia Newton John songs all learned and recited while growing up.
My first love was full of pining away and LOTS of popular love songs often fit the situation - but the song, I Wish I Wasn't - by Heather Headly was the song that described it as if I wrote it myself.
I still remember the parts and words to so many songs I learned while in Young Women's and can even still do the sign language to one!
My relationship now started with songs about waiting and distance - even picking out a special song just for me and Chris (The Promise). Now I find that instead of enlarging my life's soundtrack - I find it more comforting and more joyful to listen to the past music of my life.
I have always had a love of music. I took voice lessons for around 10 years and burst into song quite often during the day, having learned enough songs to link to almost any subject! I can sit in a restaurant and very often I make note to my companion that, "my dad has this CD!" I used to play a game with my grandpa when I would visit him in St. George - he would give me a subject and I would find a song that involved that subject. There were are few friends that would participate in "in-car" concerts with me and we would sing complete musicals in the car - and drive around just to do the whole show.
Music moves me in a way that nothing else does. Music can move me to tears or bring me complete contentment within seconds. Just take a moment to think about it, I dont think we realize how much it is involved in our lives.
So, what are some songs that are in your life's soundtrack??
My high school experience has a great soundtrack full of: swing music, Broadway, punk, and alternative music.
Whenever I think of my 2 greatest friends from life my memories often are accompanied by "In The Jungle", "Going to the Chapel", and many other 1950's era favourites and a constant stream of belly laughs!
My family life is fully of Eagles, Crosby Stills and Nash, Beatles on Saturday mornings and I can sing MANY Olivia Newton John songs all learned and recited while growing up.
My first love was full of pining away and LOTS of popular love songs often fit the situation - but the song, I Wish I Wasn't - by Heather Headly was the song that described it as if I wrote it myself.
I still remember the parts and words to so many songs I learned while in Young Women's and can even still do the sign language to one!
My relationship now started with songs about waiting and distance - even picking out a special song just for me and Chris (The Promise). Now I find that instead of enlarging my life's soundtrack - I find it more comforting and more joyful to listen to the past music of my life.
I have always had a love of music. I took voice lessons for around 10 years and burst into song quite often during the day, having learned enough songs to link to almost any subject! I can sit in a restaurant and very often I make note to my companion that, "my dad has this CD!" I used to play a game with my grandpa when I would visit him in St. George - he would give me a subject and I would find a song that involved that subject. There were are few friends that would participate in "in-car" concerts with me and we would sing complete musicals in the car - and drive around just to do the whole show.
Music moves me in a way that nothing else does. Music can move me to tears or bring me complete contentment within seconds. Just take a moment to think about it, I dont think we realize how much it is involved in our lives.
So, what are some songs that are in your life's soundtrack??
The Adoption Option
I am sitting here watching Dr. Phil. He is considered to be a smart man, and I admit it, I can quote some of his best advice (my favourite? "Every Relationship Needs a Hero!"). He is doing a show on Teen Pregnancy and teens that want babies (the later is a whole other pet peeve I have and needs a whole other post).
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Hi, I'm Jamie and I'm Addicted.
I'm not afraid to admit it - I've been watching the Presidential Inauguration since 12:30 (my time) - it is now nearly 10:00. I did take a break to walk to town. I guess I just need to feel connected to my country - and I've felt connected. It's funny, if I were actually living in America I probably wouldn't have watched it for so long (to be honest I cant even remember where I was for President Bush). But sometimes, here in England I feel so dis-connected that I LONG to feel a part of it, a part of the patriotism that England lacks. I can say that maybe Obama isn't who I would have voted for, but, today as I sit on my couch here in freezing, dreary, March, UK; I can say, today I am proud to be an American.
Saturday, 17 January 2009
A New Start
Hello Internet! I know it has been a LONG time since I have updated this blog - but as part of my "coping" and my goal of writing more - I think this blog will get a little more attention.
Chris also occasionally adds to the blog so you can see things from his point of view.
The rule of this blog for me???
* No censoring! No matter what -- If you are reading this blog be prepared - I will complain, cry, and I wont hold things back. That is why it is a private blog - so I can be myself. Oh and by the way (MEN) I wont hold back on some of the more "girly" details - but rest assured I will ALWAYS give a warning!
On the same token, I would love to hear your comments and I would love for you to follow my rules... Dont worry about "stepping on eggshells" as to not to make me feel bad. Dont worry - I dont cry at the mention of a pregnancy (most the time).
Our journey so far?? Here is the timeline thus far:
May: Appt. in Kings Lynn, UK -- diagnosed with Uterine Cysts and put on a high dose of Progesterone (and EXTREME rollercoaster ride to follow) . Told to loose weight and come back for a follow up in October to discuss surgery.
August: Appt. with regular GP (Dr. M) she tells me she got the notes from the Kings Lynn doctor. She tells me the note says that he has diagnosed me with Ovarian Cysts on both sides. This contradicts what I was told during the appointment (on lots of levels - luckily Chris was there to back me up). This matters because they are waiting for surgery for me to loose weight and it is nearly impossible to loose weight with ovarian cysts. Also, Progesterone suppresses ovulation (thus preventing pregnancy) and shouldn't have been prescribed for me. I immediately request a different specialist. I go home and call the secretary of the Kings Lynn doctors and she proceeds to tell me I have no access to the ultrasound, medical records, and tells me NONE of her doctors would prescribe Progesterone for me! Tell everyone I know NOT to go to Kings Lynn!!!
September: Appt. at Peterborough Regional Hospital, UK with gynaecologist. He spends 5 minutes with me, no exam just talking, and says that it is cysts on my ovaries and that I need to see a fertility specialist. After A LOT of persuading and not being able to get the 2 differing diagnosis out of my mind he agrees to let me get another internal ultrasound.
September: Appt. at Edith Cavell Hospital in Peterborough, UK. Arrive with a FULL bladder ready for the horror that is the internal ultrasound just to find that even though I have an appointment there is no one available to do the ultrasound and I have to wait 2 hours OR come back, Chris had to work so I say I'll come back.
October: Appt. again at Edith Cavell, Chris had to work so I had to go it alone. Get ultrasound done (SHOCKING there was staff there!) - the tech says I have a large cyst on my right ovary and something, a mass of some sort, on the left side in my uterus. The tech says she'll forward my info to the gyno I saw and also Dr. M. Cry in the car, alone, afraid of what this ultrasound means.
November: Seeing Dr. M for another issue and mention the fertility, she says that Dr. R from Peterborough has contacted her and needs a full blood and hormone work up from me and also a "sample" from Chris until anything can be done.
December: Tested for Celiac Disease - positive result (a whole other blog but temporarily takes my focus off of the fertility).
January: I call to make an appt. to bring in Chris' sample to the hospital -- it all has to be perfectly timed (to the hour) -- no appointment available until the 28th of January - TO DROP OFF A SAMPLE!
So that is where we are. TONS of waiting and tons of appointments and we are no further ahead then we were nearly a year ago! The holidays were horrible as far as infertility goes and it gets worse and worse daily. I cant get away from it. Sometimes I feel fine - you know, the Lords time - but, I am only human and sometimes it gets to be too much. That is where I am now. I just need to share it with someone - thanks for letting me.
Chris also occasionally adds to the blog so you can see things from his point of view.
The rule of this blog for me???
* No censoring! No matter what -- If you are reading this blog be prepared - I will complain, cry, and I wont hold things back. That is why it is a private blog - so I can be myself. Oh and by the way (MEN) I wont hold back on some of the more "girly" details - but rest assured I will ALWAYS give a warning!
On the same token, I would love to hear your comments and I would love for you to follow my rules... Dont worry about "stepping on eggshells" as to not to make me feel bad. Dont worry - I dont cry at the mention of a pregnancy (most the time).
Our journey so far?? Here is the timeline thus far:
May: Appt. in Kings Lynn, UK -- diagnosed with Uterine Cysts and put on a high dose of Progesterone (and EXTREME rollercoaster ride to follow) . Told to loose weight and come back for a follow up in October to discuss surgery.
August: Appt. with regular GP (Dr. M) she tells me she got the notes from the Kings Lynn doctor. She tells me the note says that he has diagnosed me with Ovarian Cysts on both sides. This contradicts what I was told during the appointment (on lots of levels - luckily Chris was there to back me up). This matters because they are waiting for surgery for me to loose weight and it is nearly impossible to loose weight with ovarian cysts. Also, Progesterone suppresses ovulation (thus preventing pregnancy) and shouldn't have been prescribed for me. I immediately request a different specialist. I go home and call the secretary of the Kings Lynn doctors and she proceeds to tell me I have no access to the ultrasound, medical records, and tells me NONE of her doctors would prescribe Progesterone for me! Tell everyone I know NOT to go to Kings Lynn!!!
September: Appt. at Peterborough Regional Hospital, UK with gynaecologist. He spends 5 minutes with me, no exam just talking, and says that it is cysts on my ovaries and that I need to see a fertility specialist. After A LOT of persuading and not being able to get the 2 differing diagnosis out of my mind he agrees to let me get another internal ultrasound.
September: Appt. at Edith Cavell Hospital in Peterborough, UK. Arrive with a FULL bladder ready for the horror that is the internal ultrasound just to find that even though I have an appointment there is no one available to do the ultrasound and I have to wait 2 hours OR come back, Chris had to work so I say I'll come back.
October: Appt. again at Edith Cavell, Chris had to work so I had to go it alone. Get ultrasound done (SHOCKING there was staff there!) - the tech says I have a large cyst on my right ovary and something, a mass of some sort, on the left side in my uterus. The tech says she'll forward my info to the gyno I saw and also Dr. M. Cry in the car, alone, afraid of what this ultrasound means.
November: Seeing Dr. M for another issue and mention the fertility, she says that Dr. R from Peterborough has contacted her and needs a full blood and hormone work up from me and also a "sample" from Chris until anything can be done.
December: Tested for Celiac Disease - positive result (a whole other blog but temporarily takes my focus off of the fertility).
January: I call to make an appt. to bring in Chris' sample to the hospital -- it all has to be perfectly timed (to the hour) -- no appointment available until the 28th of January - TO DROP OFF A SAMPLE!
So that is where we are. TONS of waiting and tons of appointments and we are no further ahead then we were nearly a year ago! The holidays were horrible as far as infertility goes and it gets worse and worse daily. I cant get away from it. Sometimes I feel fine - you know, the Lords time - but, I am only human and sometimes it gets to be too much. That is where I am now. I just need to share it with someone - thanks for letting me.
My OTHER Blog
Hello Internet! I just wanted to let you know that I've updated my other blog. For those of you who dont know what it is about, it is about me and Chris' struggle with infertility. It is a private blog but I would love to share it with those of you who are interested and who care about what is going on in my life, on a more personal level. If you want to read it please email me, leave a comment, or leave a message and I will send you an invite.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Hey, Can I have a Ride?
Don't you ever wish you could just turn back time and remain ignorant of certain knowledge you've acquired?? I don't, for much, but this past Friday I WISH I could!
It started quite simply with an innocent letter from our car insurance company saying that the couldn't re-new the account, but never said why. We figured that it had something to do with my foreign license and so while Chris was out doing errands I started calling around for new quotes, getting continually denied - ending up with me calling our current provider and asking why we couldn't re-new... the woman said, "because you cant drive, you've been in the country for more than a year." This rule I thought I knew, I thought the rule was that you couldn't drive on a US license for more than 12 months from the LAST TIME YOU ENTERED THE COUNTRY. For this reason alone Chris and I spent a few days (and LOTS of money) in Paris in 2007 and experienced Brussels earlier in December (THE TRIP FROM HELL) - all in aid of me getting a new stamp in my passport, thus ensuring 12 more months of driving. The woman on the phone said this was illegal and to stop driving immediately (not that I was driving, but to never drive again -- you know what I mean). I didn't want to take this answer and so I called the DVLA to get an "official" answer. I told the woman on the phone the situation and she assured me that it has been illegal for me to be driving in the UK since July 2007 - and that it was the rule that you could drive 12 months from the time you became a RESIDENT of the UK. She then told me I shouldn't drive and that I HAD to get a UK license before I could drive again. So what do I have to do?
1. Apply for a provisional license - £50
2. Take driving lessons - ££££££
3. Take the Theory Test - ££££
4. Take the Practical Test - ££££ (and also RENT A CAR FOR THE TEST!)
WHAT?!!?!? I could, and I DO count my blessings every.single.day that I had NO problems for those months that I was an unknowing rebel, and because of that, and my HORRIBLE luck - I wont take a chance driving the car until everything is done and dusted with the shiny new license ... it will increase my heavenly £16.16 monthly insurance payment, no doubt, because to the companies I will be a new driver - even though in reality I have 12 years experience and NO CLAIMS - but I don't think they'll care.
I went into the situation strangely confident -- with my horrible Life in the UK test (see archives) I didn't know anything - but with this I had nearly 2 years practice... the downside?? That confidence has been SQUASHED with 4 practice tests all ending in FAIL. I think I have more studying then I thought ...
And what do I need to study?? The Highway Code - a foreign book of sorts that deals with 4 different kinds of pedestrian crossings (pelican, zebra, toucan, and puffin) and questions like: A person herding sheep asks you to stop you should: B - stop and switch off your engine ... and so much more -- I think I am in for some serious studying - 2 years practice or not!
So now I am stuck in STUPID March! BORING March - and at the mercy of family to get us where we need to - NEED being the operative word -- I know I'll be cursing the DVLA when I have to WALK to the doctors tomorrow, leaving the house at 8:15 to get there - I'll just pray for no rain (yeah right)!
And so Internet, if you'll excuse me I'm off to learn the rules of the British road - and to pray not only to pass the test but that, that pesky MONEY TREE will start sprouting pounds so I can pay for it all!!
It started quite simply with an innocent letter from our car insurance company saying that the couldn't re-new the account, but never said why. We figured that it had something to do with my foreign license and so while Chris was out doing errands I started calling around for new quotes, getting continually denied - ending up with me calling our current provider and asking why we couldn't re-new... the woman said, "because you cant drive, you've been in the country for more than a year." This rule I thought I knew, I thought the rule was that you couldn't drive on a US license for more than 12 months from the LAST TIME YOU ENTERED THE COUNTRY. For this reason alone Chris and I spent a few days (and LOTS of money) in Paris in 2007 and experienced Brussels earlier in December (THE TRIP FROM HELL) - all in aid of me getting a new stamp in my passport, thus ensuring 12 more months of driving. The woman on the phone said this was illegal and to stop driving immediately (not that I was driving, but to never drive again -- you know what I mean). I didn't want to take this answer and so I called the DVLA to get an "official" answer. I told the woman on the phone the situation and she assured me that it has been illegal for me to be driving in the UK since July 2007 - and that it was the rule that you could drive 12 months from the time you became a RESIDENT of the UK. She then told me I shouldn't drive and that I HAD to get a UK license before I could drive again. So what do I have to do?
1. Apply for a provisional license - £50
2. Take driving lessons - ££££££
3. Take the Theory Test - ££££
4. Take the Practical Test - ££££ (and also RENT A CAR FOR THE TEST!)
WHAT?!!?!? I could, and I DO count my blessings every.single.day that I had NO problems for those months that I was an unknowing rebel, and because of that, and my HORRIBLE luck - I wont take a chance driving the car until everything is done and dusted with the shiny new license ... it will increase my heavenly £16.16 monthly insurance payment, no doubt, because to the companies I will be a new driver - even though in reality I have 12 years experience and NO CLAIMS - but I don't think they'll care.
I went into the situation strangely confident -- with my horrible Life in the UK test (see archives) I didn't know anything - but with this I had nearly 2 years practice... the downside?? That confidence has been SQUASHED with 4 practice tests all ending in FAIL. I think I have more studying then I thought ...
And what do I need to study?? The Highway Code - a foreign book of sorts that deals with 4 different kinds of pedestrian crossings (pelican, zebra, toucan, and puffin) and questions like: A person herding sheep asks you to stop you should: B - stop and switch off your engine ... and so much more -- I think I am in for some serious studying - 2 years practice or not!
So now I am stuck in STUPID March! BORING March - and at the mercy of family to get us where we need to - NEED being the operative word -- I know I'll be cursing the DVLA when I have to WALK to the doctors tomorrow, leaving the house at 8:15 to get there - I'll just pray for no rain (yeah right)!
And so Internet, if you'll excuse me I'm off to learn the rules of the British road - and to pray not only to pass the test but that, that pesky MONEY TREE will start sprouting pounds so I can pay for it all!!
Thursday, 1 January 2009
A New Year *sigh*
I hate New Years Eve - I always have, I used to think that it was because I didn't have a partner to spend it with or that I didn't do fun things, but it turns out - I just don't like it. I know I haven't been a complete failure this last year, but I think this stupid holiday makes me think of how I've fallen short.
I usually do a list (in my head) of my "resolutions" but find that calling it a resolution instead of a goal or habit, doesn't make it any easier to keep, and I usually don't, I never do actually.
So, these past few days I have been consumed with thinking of things that I need to do better this next year and had a bit of an overwhelming feeling trying to figure out how to make it happen.
One day years and years ago, when I was stuck in a rut, I went to one of the best friends I've ever known and also someone who knows how to get things done - my nanny mom Gail. She had me sit down and do a monthly goal list. She proceeded to fold the paper in quarters and label each box: Spiritual, Physical, Financial and Mental. In each box we wrote goals that were not unattainable, but that were easy, examples? Read one book a month, exercise 3 times a week, $10 in savings, focus on the positive, etc.
I think this is what I'll do again -- at the bottom of the paper she wrote in big letters - DO IT DAMN IT! I think I will look forward with those word in my mind this new year and work on improving slowly instead of failing quickly.
***
Just as one more note - sorry I didn't keep up on my countdown to Christmas but I've added a new album with some pictures from the seasons... but the best thing about the holiday??
THESE 5 (soon to be 6) kids are one of the BEST things about my life England.
I usually do a list (in my head) of my "resolutions" but find that calling it a resolution instead of a goal or habit, doesn't make it any easier to keep, and I usually don't, I never do actually.
So, these past few days I have been consumed with thinking of things that I need to do better this next year and had a bit of an overwhelming feeling trying to figure out how to make it happen.
One day years and years ago, when I was stuck in a rut, I went to one of the best friends I've ever known and also someone who knows how to get things done - my nanny mom Gail. She had me sit down and do a monthly goal list. She proceeded to fold the paper in quarters and label each box: Spiritual, Physical, Financial and Mental. In each box we wrote goals that were not unattainable, but that were easy, examples? Read one book a month, exercise 3 times a week, $10 in savings, focus on the positive, etc.
I think this is what I'll do again -- at the bottom of the paper she wrote in big letters - DO IT DAMN IT! I think I will look forward with those word in my mind this new year and work on improving slowly instead of failing quickly.
***
Just as one more note - sorry I didn't keep up on my countdown to Christmas but I've added a new album with some pictures from the seasons... but the best thing about the holiday??
THESE 5 (soon to be 6) kids are one of the BEST things about my life England.
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