Finally… a Date

Hello Lovely Friends! 

I just thought I would update on here that I finally have a date for my surgery.  They are going to do it on April 20th.

This surgery is to get rid of all the endometriosis that has spread through the womb, tubes, and bowels.  When I talked to the Dr. he said that they would try to go in as a lap (like they did before with 2 small incisions), but if the endo was too bad they would have to do “open surgery” and it would be as if I was having a C-Section.  I sure dont miss the irony in the fact that it will be like having a C-Section – I get the scar, just not the baby.

I am very nervous about it.  I will probably be in the hospital for a night at least.  I dread the hospital I am staying at.  It is dirty and dark and just pray that I will be safe (oh yeah, and that one of the very, VERY common “superbugs” that ALWAYS invade English hospitals skip this one on that day).

The other day we called Chris’ mom to see if she could take me to the hospital.  She said, she didn't know and that she would let me know later…  WHAT!??!?!  While I understand that she works, I also understand that she works right by the hospital at the same time I am supposed to be there.  What I don't understand is how she could even hesitate to take me when I am so far from home and it is such a major surgery (maybe I should remind her she might get another grandbaby out of this and if she is lucky one who is a boy so she’ll like it).  So Chris asked her the next day again and she said, yes she would take me as long as we went when SHE wanted to go.  I am trying to decide if it would be less hassle to just take the train.  I don't even dare ask her to bring me home – that might push her over the edge. 

The other day we were at her house and she was watching two of the grandkids (her choice by the way) and she walked past me and said, “KIDS who’d have them!!!” and walked away.  Things like that sting, and we only get it from family.  I had a sister in law who told me that, “J & P only spend time with you and are nice to you because they feel sorry for you.”  Who needs enemies!

And then, to top it all off, we found out Chris cant get any of the days that week off work.  They denied them all.  So I may just be having surgery by myself.  Getting the train there, having the surgery, and then the next day, getting the train back home.

Infertility is such a heartbreaking issue.  I read a sign on the wall of the doctors that said, “The only thing more painful then having a baby, is not having one.”  Chris is a huge support and so are my friends and family.  We skipped Mothers Day here in England and went away for the weekend – but just running away from it doesn't stop the pain. 

Hopefully this surgery will correct a lot of the issues that I have, and hopefully they wont have to remove any ovaries (they might if I start to bleed too much).

Any happy thoughts and prayers would go a very long way.

Hopefully I will update on here before I go in – and after reading this through, hopefully you can make sense out of the muddle!

Long Overdue (and not with a baby)

Well this entry is LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG overdue. As I sat down to try to sort out where to start and what to say, I realised I have quite a bit to say so this might be the first update of many.

I think I will do it in bullet lists to help make things a bit easier to understand:

* I recovered from my surgery quite well. No other complications (except scars that look like division signs).

* I found it surprisingly easy to come to terms with what the Doctor said about my future chances (30%).

* I was coping quite well, until we got a depressing letter a few days before Christmas that made things sound A LOT more bleak. I do believe the number 10% was used. It was awful to get right before an already difficult holiday, and put a different “spin” on how Chris and I celebrated the holidays.

* We finally got a new appointment for the end of January (this was an URGENT appointment made 2 months later – welcome to the NHS system). The Doctor was very nice and said I would need further surgery and a bit more serious. At the end of the day, my chances to conceive naturally are just as good as IVF (to me that is hopeful). They said to call in 10 days after the appointment to find out when the surgery was… now over a month later… we are still waiting (nearly 2 whole years since the whole process started – you’d think 2 months wouldn't make a huge difference – BUT IT DOES!)

I have so many things that I want to talk about, complain about, and be thankful about – but it is late, so that will have to wait.

I continue to be amazed at the support I get from dear friends and family. Thank you… your comments are not ever read without a tear in my eye and a prayer of thanks in my heart.

More later… and be prepared, BOY do I have some complaints to get off my chest!

P.S. I just added the option to "follow me" - because I post so irregularly it might help you to know what I actually write.

So It Starts

Hello Dear Friends. I think it is about time I updated this blog. Not too much has been happening in the last few months on the baby path. But, now that its November things will start going.

Tomorrow I go to the hospital for my pre-surgery check up. It is a general health check (I think!) Luckily I wont be having the surgery at Peterborough District (it is sooooo messy and dirty there) – it will be at Stamford, which is outside of Peterborough. I am starting to get more and more nervous as the time gets closer. It is my first ever surgery and although I am quite blessed that there aren't many possible complications – but, I still worry. Chris will be there with me and so will Pam, my mother-in-law. The only thing missing is my mom.

The surgery is called the lap and dye. What they do is make an incision in the right side of my abdomen, in my belly button (my BIGGEST fear – it makes me sick to think about), and then they insert the dye through my cervix. They will go in there with a camera and see if the ink goes through my fallopian tubes. They are also going to look to see if I have endometriosis – and if it isn't too bad they’ll get rid of it, if it is bad I’ll have to have more surgery.

I haven't even met the Doctor who is going to be performing the surgery (that makes me nervous as well). I have been working with the fertility nurse and haven't needed to see him so I don't know what to expect at all.

The most common side effect is shoulder pain. Strange hu?? Apparently when the pump my abdomen full of gas (so they can get a better view) sometimes it affects the diaphragm which has a nerve that is connected to the shoulder, which in turn causes horrible shoulder pain.

It is an outpatient surgery and hopefully I will be feeling good within a few days. I am not supposed to work for a week and cant lift anything heavy.

This will get me closer to the answer of the question: can I have a baby naturally or not? If the tubes are blocked then IVF is the next option. I am hoping that at least I get some answers so we know what way to go.

If my tubes are blocked then we are eligible to have a FREE IVF on the NHS (assuming that my weight wont hold me back – they are quite picky about letting overweight women have IVF – not cost effective apparently). If we do get IFV then we’ll do that while I am here in England, despite the fact that I might end up pregnant when I get to America (minus health insurance). We’ll just have to see how it goes.

Anyway, the surgery is on the 26th (Happy Thanksgiving!!). I am hoping that I don't stress out too much before then and that everything goes fine. If anything of note happens tomorrow at the Dr. I will post more.

In the meantime…. just thought you might find some facts about my Fertile Facebook Friends interesting:

29 of them (or their wives) are currently pregnant and within the last year 33 babies were born to my friends….. I guess you can tell I struggle with infertility – not many people would even notice.

Appointment Update

Hello Friends.  I just had an appointment with Fiona and thought I would update the blog. 

Luckily, I decided to call Fiona and ask her about some of the goals we had set i.e. weight loss.  She called me back and told me that we would discuss it more at the appointment on Monday.  It was a good thing I had called because she had never told me when the next appointment was and I would HATE to miss it (she was really mean when we were just late).

Chris and I got to the appointment and I was really worried that all the hard work I’ve done as far as weight loss, would not be enough to have the surgery to find out what is wrong.

She weighed me first and having lost enough to get my BMI under the “danger” level (even if it was only by 1.0), Fiona said that Mr. R would “probably” do the surgery for me.

She asked me and Chris a lot of questions about our medical past, to see if there was anything that might put up a red flag – there wasn't.

She then turned to us and said, “You could have the lap and dye.”  Now, I realize that reading that it makes perfect sense and doesn't instil fear at all – but imagine hearing it, “You could have the lap and DIE.”  It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about.  The Lap and Dye is where they put a probe into your belly button (or as they call it here, tummy button) and look around.  They look for endometriosis or any problem causing fibroids or cysts and then they inject the fallopian tubes with dye to see if they are blocked or not.  Here in England it is a day surgery and the person only stays at the hospital if they have any problems. 

Fiona told us that couples usually have a high fertility rate for the first 3 years in a relationship – after those three years the rate drops dramatically.  Since “officially” Chris and I have been TTC for 2.7 years we still have a few months left.  She told us that I was at a weight where it was “okay” to try again, but I am a bit torn about that.  I have worked so hard to loose the weight I have, and I just want to be a bit more healthy before I have a baby.  Plus the timing is all off…  if I were to get pregnant in the near future that would leave me heavily pregnant when my VISA for England runs out – I couldn't fly anywhere and if I got to the USA I wouldn't have any health insurance at all for when I was ready to deliver.  So, it is still going to be on hold for a bit longer.

Fiona then told us that if they go in and do the lap and dye and they find that the tubes are blocked then our only option at that point would be IVF.  She said they used to do a surgery to un-block the tubes but IVF has a lot higher success rates and is not a surgery, like the “tube un-blocking” would be.

At this point we have an appointment again in 2 weeks to discuss the procedure.

I am so pleased that things seem to be moving along – finally, some answers for us… and we are ready for them (as ready as possible), whatever they might be.

Wow, Its About Time for an Update!

Hello Friends!  After blowing the proverbial layer of dust off my blog, I figured it was about time to update.  To be fair, I haven't had much to update about but, I did have an appointment this last week and now have something to write about.

The appointment was on the 28th.  Chris and I got ready and got there on time only to find out the hospital appointment was at 1:00 but, Fiona (the nurse) was expecting us at 12:30.  She wasn't too happy that we were late but saw us anyway.

She started out by giving us all the test results.  We went over mine first, and they were all fine.  Lets see… Immune to Rubella, no Diabetes, no hormone imbalances, and ovaries full of perfectly healthy eggs.  That was a huge relief to start with.  She told us Chris’ sample results which were more than fine, they were excellent – so he wont have to do anymore samples, she seems content that any infertility isn't on his part.  They usually do 2 samples from the male and if they are alright then they leave it at that.

This was good news, nothing is obviously wrong – but it is bad news too.  If nothing is wrong why am I not getting pregnant???  It means more tests and no easy answers.

She said Dr. R looked through my notes and said, aside from the fertility stuff, that it looked like I was anaemic (thanks to the celiac) and also had a syndrome called Gilbert Syndrome.  Fiona then proceeded to tell me that she didn't know what it was.  My mind started racing, thinking – I cant do it, I cant have another health problem. 

Fiona then proceeded to tell me what our next steps are.  She said that they want to do some exploratory surgery.  Dr. R said there was some fluid in my uterus and that could be a sign of a blocked Fallopian tubes.  Then she said what I figured she would – Jamie, you need to loose weight before we do the surgery. 

This is a sore spot to me – I know that I need to loose weight, but, I don't think my weight should be a roadblock to surgery.  The pressure put upon me by Fiona is immense and the pressure put upon me by myself is even bigger. 

My next appointment is more than a month away.  I have a big chunk of time to loose some weight to let Fiona know that I am serious.  I do want a baby, but more than that I want less painful periods and to feel healthy.  I don't want Fiona to give up on me and I don't want my weight to be the reason I cant be a mother, Chris cant be a Father and just as importantly my parents cant be Grandparents (that is a whole other post in itself).

Fiona referred me and Chris to a specialized weight loss clinic that has supposedly produced great results, that will be helpful.

I got home from the appointment and immediately looked online for Gilberts Syndrome.  It is a non-health threatening syndrome where your liver doesn't take the yellow out of your blood, so apparently sometimes if I am stressed, dehydrated, or ill I will look a little yellow.  What a blessing that it is nothing serious.

So now we wait and I work.  I work on finding the motivation to loose some weight, to start on my gluten free diet, and to make my health a priority.  Hopefully that will lead to more answers and some solutions.  Hopefully.

A New Start

Hello Friends I didn't want to leave you hangin’ about the appointment yesterday so here is the update:

The appointment went really well yesterday. We got to the hospital on time (barely). I was weighted (AHHHHH) and measured and told so wait for the nurse to see me. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing the doctor today because my letter from the hospital told me that I would be meeting with the nurse for an hour appointment. I was really hesitant about this because I didn't think anything would be accomplished (what could a nurse tell me?). Chris and I were waiting and waiting and the nurse (called Fiona) came out of the office several times to tell me that she was reading my notes and would be with me as soon as possible. I was impressed immediately with her friendliness. After waiting for about a half an hour she ushered us into her office.

Once in her office we were greeted with walls full of pictures of babies, the light smell of roses, and calming classical music playing in the background. I was immediately calmed and filled with quiet confidence. It was a stark contrast to our appointment in Kings Lynn already. She told us that she had hundreds of questions to ask me and 50 to ask Chris.

She started asked me about my cycle and said that both the Dr.’s in Kings Lynn and Dr. M had put in the notes that I had irregular cycles but when she looked at my nearly 3 year record (yes I have kept meticulous track for nearly 3 years) she found that my cycle was just fine and that it was well within the parameters of a “normal” cycle.

She looked at my scan notes and said that I did have PCOS for sure because there was evidence of cysts on both sides of my ovaries. She says 1 in 6 women have cysts on their ovaries and that they only become a problem when the cysts stop ovulation, and for me they haven't, so the PCOS isn't the cause of the problems. She did see the mass in my uterus. She said she is fairly confident that is isn't a fibroid or a tumour or anything of that sort. She said that it isn't rare to have fluid in the back of the uterus after a cycle or it could show that the fallopian tubes are blocked (which would cause infertility). That will all be explored at a later date.

As far as “the sample” we were finally able to get some answers! I can honestly say that this was the source of a lot of my anxiety concerning the appointment. It was all good news. Fiona said that in the sample there were around 200 million little guys and that 70% were alive and that 5% were usable (normal is 8%). She said with the higher amount (his sample had well over the average) that the 5% was totally fine and that everything seemed alright. She told Chris he would have to do another sample because, unlike women, male fertility can change quite quickly so they like to have 2 samples to compare. His appointment to take it in is on the 8th of July. Hearing those results were a HUGE relief. Male Factor infertility is a lot harder to fix.

I continued to tell Fiona about my history. She was quite confused at the course of action that Kings Lynn took in my treatment. She said that they NEVER should have put me on the Provera, especially with my cycle. It makes me realize and, reaffirms that it was the right decision to find someone else besides Kings Lynn to help.

So the course of action now is:

Chris:

Sample on the 8th of July

Jamie:

Chlamydia screening

Blood test on days 21, 28, and 35 of my cycle (to see if I am, in fact, ovulating)

Blood tests for hormone levels (5 tests in all)

Blood test to see if I am Rubella Immune (important to know for pregnancy)

Blood test for Glucose and Lipids

I am really pleased at the course Fiona is taking things. I am glad that she is testing me for everything possible. She said because I have such painful periods that Endometriosis is definitely an option (especially since my sister has had it and it is hereditary) and possibly a check on my fallopian tubes.

She could tell how frustrated I was with the whole situation and was so supportive saying, “We’ll get to the bottom of it” and “We will figure out what’s wrong” several times during the appointment.

The appointment was nearly finished and then the subject that I KNEW was coming was brought up,

“Now we need to talk about your weight.”

She said that my weight was not an issue in my fertility because it wasn't stopping me from ovulating. She continued to tell us that the government does a confidential report each year about mother and infant deaths in childbirth. She says they have found that women who have a BMI over 40% are at increased risk for complications including stroke, high blood pressure, and death. That children born to mothers with that BMI are at increased risk for birth defects and death.

Fiona said that I had a BMI of 41% (no, I am not afraid to say it – ashamed, but not afraid) and asked if I was willing to take those risks, to go through everything and then loose the baby. Then she turned to Chris and asked if it was worth us getting pregnant right now if the end result was a paralyzed wife from stroke or worse. We agreed that it wasn't worth the risk. She gave me some options for weight loss (Weight Watchers and stuff like that). I make excuses and said we didn't have the money and she said, “Diapers cost more a week than a weekly membership – it is a matter of figuring out your priorities.” She also told us that in the meantime that we should NOT get pregnant and to use precautions. She said she was sure it sounded strange coming from a fertility clinic but that it wouldn't be safe to get pregnant right now.

Chris and I left the office, especially me, filled with hope and thankfulness that we finally seemed to find someone who is going to help. Fiona told us she’d get us her next appointment (end of July probably).

The appointment has left me with so many thoughts in my head about my desire to have a baby vs. my weight. I wasn't insulted or upset at how Fiona broached the subject. It was in such a concerned way and serious way that I knew it wasn't a personal attack or a way for the NHS to save money.

I know that my weight has gotten out of control and I always knew in my heart that I wouldn't want to get pregnant at this weight. So now where do I go from here? That is a good question. I think it is going to take a lot of commitment, because it isn't going to be easy – but, like my mom said last night, I need to imagine holding my little baby in my arms and it will make it all worth it.

Needless to say this blog, I am sure, will take on different form now that I know what I need to do about weight loss but also finally being able to get some answers.

As always, I am glad for the support and will ask for that support to continue as we take the next step in the journey.

The Day Before the Appointment

Hello friends.  I just thought I would put a little update on here.  Chris and I have our fertility appointment tomorrow at 2:30.  We fought for this appointment and have waited over a year now since the other horrible appointment.  I am strangely calm but, I know, that tomorrow I will be nervous.  Tomorrow we get the results of Chris’ sample, which is good news – but, I am also going to have to fight my corner in regards to the results of the internal scan.  I have been told my Dr. M (my GP) that I should be put on Metformin to help with weight loss and to regulate my blood sugars.  By getting those under control my hormones might settle a bit (a side effect of PSOS) thus, helping with ovulation.  Whatever happens at least we’ll get some answers.  We’ll see where we are in regards of the Male Factor Fertility and get started on fixing the problems with mine.

Tomorrow, whatever the outcome, will be life changing for me, Chris, and our future family – I just hope I have, or can find, the strength to accept the outcome.

Just Around the Corner

Hello Dear Friends!!  I just wanted to write a entry letting you know where I am at right now as far as the doctors, NHS and my fertility.

Chris and I are finally looking forward to starting the journey again, and getting some answers.  We have an appointment on the 3rd of June in Peterborough.  We aren't going to be meeting with a doctor or consultant (as they call them here in England) just a fertility nurse.  This title makes me quite nervous because we’ve waited so long to speak to someone who knows what they are talking about and I don't know if a nurse will.  We are hoping to hear the results of Chris’ test and also are interested to see what direction they’ll go. 

In the back of my mind I know that my notes say there are only cysts on my right ovaries and when I got the scan back in October they said there was a big mass on the left side of my uterus.  I am mentally preparing myself to fight my corner and be prepared for another internal scan.  I don't care what they have to do – internal scan, sure – exploratory surgery, fine – hormone meds, okay -  I just want to be started on the road, no matter the direction.

In my heart I feel like this appointment will give me not only a sense of progress, but on the flip side will give me more to worry about.  I haven't worried about Chris’ results too much or worried about the “mass”… until now.

Luckily at least, no matter what we find out, we’ll have some answers.  I just hope it doesn't turn out like the appointment in Kings Lynn. 

A Little Catch Up

I know it has been quite a while since I’ve written on this blog. There are lots of reasons for that – family drama, another Mothers Day, and lack of any news.

We have had so much family drama that we are only speaking to one of Chris’ brother, and his family. It has been quite difficult because not only are there insults flying around by people who are supposed to support you – but they are also twisting the knife by putting into question my ability to care for and relate to children and also questioning if my infertility is “just an excuse”. I think, as a person, I am quite trusting and have learned the hard way that people don't always live up how I think they should. Meaning: I thought family supported you in most cases, not this one (not this case, not this family). I have read on a lot of infertility sites “things you shouldn't say to someone struggling with infertility” and sadly, most of those things have been said to me and Chris by members of the family.

One of the problems the family has is that we hang out with our two nieces more than the nieces and nephews, and we do. They think that we are using the infertility as an excuse not to come round to their house and see the other kids, because if it is hard for us to see some of them it should be hard for us to see ALL of them. The thing that they don't understand is that it is so difficult to be around any of them, but, when we spend time with our two nieces we know they come from married parents who love each other and love their kids. We know that, while the kids are a lot of work, they appreciate that they are parents to two beautiful girls. On the other hand, when we go over to to spend time with the family the other kids’ parents are often heard saying things like, “He is driving me crazy!!”, “Why wont he just got to bed I am sick of him!”, “I want to go out drinking who can watch him?!?” and it goes on and on and on. What they don't realize is while they are hating the fact that they are parents and the inconvenience of it all – they have what Chris and I are desperate for – that is what hurts the most.

A few Sundays ago the two youngest nephews were blessed in church. While I don't feel much of a connection with one of them – I do with the youngest, Tyler. He is the happiest child you will ever see – he has chubby cheeks and lovely red hair. During the blessing I had to hold back tears because sweet Tyler is the image of what I always thought my own child would look like. In my mind I was assaulted by negative thoughts and “what ifs”. I usually am alright with giving up my trial of infertility to Heavenly Father, but in moments like that – I am only human and it is hard.

To make things worse I got to go through another Mothers Day. Lucky me, since I live in England and Mothers Day is on a different date here than America, I get to celebrate it twice. It is a difficult day, but as time goes by and as perspectives change it is easier to handle.

I have found that, for me, it is all about giving in and giving up. Giving in to the fact that this is one thing in my life that I am not in control of AND giving the grief, sorrow, and pain (and soooo many other emotions) to Heavenly Father. I remember when I was visiting teaching I was giving the message about trials, this quote has since stuck out in my mind:

Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Trying to comprehend the trials and meaning of this life without understanding Heavenly Father’s marvellously encompassing plan of salvation is like trying to understand a three-act play while seeing only the second act. Fortunately, our knowledge of the Savoir, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement helps us to endure our trials and to see purpose in suffering and to trust God for what we cannot comprehend” (“Enduring Well,” Liahona, Apr. 1999, 10; Ensign, Apr. 1997, 7).

Would I be able to feel this confident or at peace if I had been actively trying for years for a baby, if I was told it wasn't not an option to have a child of my own, or if I was struggling through the process of Adoption or Surrogacy? I cant answer that. It the spectrum of infertility I am just beginning. We have an appointment on June 3rd with our new fertility specialist and are hoping for answers of some kind. But whatever the answers, I just have to keep telling myself – its not in my hands and I am only in the second act of my life's play.

And in case you were wondering – here is a picture of my gorgeous nephew, Tyler:

The Sucky NHS

So, I have decided that the NHS really does officially suck.

I have had to phone the fertility doctor and my GP to chase up a referral that Dr M should have made.

Upon speaking with her secretary, we find out that Dr M hasn't even sent the referral across to Dr R.

I'm just wondering at what point do we tell them to try and stop playing God with our lives and our abilities to have children.

Do I really have to do the Dr's jobs for them.

The Rope Just Got A Bit Longer

So...

Once I woke up on Wednesday I made the phone call to Dr. R's secretary. I explained to her that I knew that I hadn't worked with Dr. R before, but I was told to have Chris' test results sent to him by my GP and I was interested in the results and also making an appointment as soon as possible with Dr. R. I was quickly told that 1. They don't tell test results over the phone, and 2. I would have to go to my GP to give me another referral because the one I got last MAY had expired (they didn't have any record of the one from October that shouldn't have expired).

I hung up the phone and got right back onto the phone to my GP. I told the receptionist that I needed to speak to Dr. M as soon as possible about getting another referral. She told me she'd leave a message on the computer for her but she didn't know when Dr. M would get back to me.

I had to run off and take my driving test and so I crossed my fingers that Dr. M would call and Chris could speak to her (he is more persuasive).

Later that day when I called Chris he said that she did call back, he explained the situation and what the secretary said. At this point Dr. M got very frustrated (at Dr. R) and said the referral should be valid still and that she would call the secretary herself and get an appointment.

Good news! I am lucky that I have a GP that is on my side but, why wouldn't she be? She has been struggling with medical professionals for us since May - she must be frustrated with them wasting her time as well.

So now we are back to waiting for an appointment - I think next week I will be making a call to Dr. R to make sure that there is something in the works. I'll get in there to see him if its the last thing I do!

A New Start

Hello Internet! I know it has been a LONG time since I have updated this blog - but as part of my "coping" and my goal of writing more - I think this blog will get a little more attention.

Chris also occasionally adds to the blog so you can see things from his point of view.

The rule of this blog for me???

* No censoring! No matter what -- If you are reading this blog be prepared - I will complain, cry, and I wont hold things back. That is why it is a private blog - so I can be myself. Oh and by the way (MEN) I wont hold back on some of the more "girly" details - but rest assured I will ALWAYS give a warning!

On the same token, I would love to hear your comments and I would love for you to follow my rules... Dont worry about "stepping on eggshells" as to not to make me feel bad. Dont worry - I dont cry at the mention of a pregnancy (most the time).

Our journey so far?? Here is the timeline thus far:

May: Appt. in Kings Lynn, UK -- diagnosed with Uterine Cysts and put on a high dose of Progesterone (and EXTREME rollercoaster ride to follow) . Told to loose weight and come back for a follow up in October to discuss surgery.

August: Appt. with regular GP (Dr. M) she tells me she got the notes from the Kings Lynn doctor. She tells me the note says that he has diagnosed me with Ovarian Cysts on both sides. This contradicts what I was told during the appointment (on lots of levels - luckily Chris was there to back me up). This matters because they are waiting for surgery for me to loose weight and it is nearly impossible to loose weight with ovarian cysts. Also, Progesterone suppresses ovulation (thus preventing pregnancy) and shouldn't have been prescribed for me. I immediately request a different specialist. I go home and call the secretary of the Kings Lynn doctors and she proceeds to tell me I have no access to the ultrasound, medical records, and tells me NONE of her doctors would prescribe Progesterone for me! Tell everyone I know NOT to go to Kings Lynn!!!

September: Appt. at Peterborough Regional Hospital, UK with gynaecologist. He spends 5 minutes with me, no exam just talking, and says that it is cysts on my ovaries and that I need to see a fertility specialist. After A LOT of persuading and not being able to get the 2 differing diagnosis out of my mind he agrees to let me get another internal ultrasound.

September: Appt. at Edith Cavell Hospital in Peterborough, UK. Arrive with a FULL bladder ready for the horror that is the internal ultrasound just to find that even though I have an appointment there is no one available to do the ultrasound and I have to wait 2 hours OR come back, Chris had to work so I say I'll come back.

October: Appt. again at Edith Cavell, Chris had to work so I had to go it alone. Get ultrasound done (SHOCKING there was staff there!) - the tech says I have a large cyst on my right ovary and something, a mass of some sort, on the left side in my uterus. The tech says she'll forward my info to the gyno I saw and also Dr. M. Cry in the car, alone, afraid of what this ultrasound means.

November: Seeing Dr. M for another issue and mention the fertility, she says that Dr. R from Peterborough has contacted her and needs a full blood and hormone work up from me and also a "sample" from Chris until anything can be done.

December: Tested for Celiac Disease - positive result (a whole other blog but temporarily takes my focus off of the fertility).

January: I call to make an appt. to bring in Chris' sample to the hospital -- it all has to be perfectly timed (to the hour) -- no appointment available until the 28th of January - TO DROP OFF A SAMPLE!

So that is where we are. TONS of waiting and tons of appointments and we are no further ahead then we were nearly a year ago! The holidays were horrible as far as infertility goes and it gets worse and worse daily. I cant get away from it. Sometimes I feel fine - you know, the Lords time - but, I am only human and sometimes it gets to be too much. That is where I am now. I just need to share it with someone - thanks for letting me.