To Whom it May Concern

Dear England:
I have been a faithful resident of your beautiful country for nearly 3 years now and feel it is time to bring a few things to your attention. I have noticed in my years here that most of your citizens moan on a frequent basis about such things as weather, politics, and “those crazy teenagers”. May I suggest turning your anger and frustration to the more pressing matters that follow:
A serious lack of 21st century household items i.e. dishwashers, air conditioners, and disposals.
Being such a “developed” country my naive three years ago self, would have assumed that those items of ease would come standard. I now stand corrected.
Despite the current weather – it does occasionally reach an uncomfortable heat during the summer months. This may not have been so 50 years ago – but it is so now – do you think we could do something about that? How about, at least, starting with putting them in the hospitals go from there…. you never know you might actually have a “comfortable” summer.
Second, I know we are all concerned about being more “green” but maybe we could save some landfill space on food by simply being able to put them down the sink. It know for a lot it may seem a novel idea, but its work in America for years! Plus, just think, the idea of not having to scrape every morsel of food off every plate into a small garbage bin – might make many women happy in turn, making many men and children happy as well.
And lastly, I know that dishwashers are becoming more popular and I am proud to see that progress, but if I could get someone to come and put one in my house, or even the necessary hook ups for them, that would be much appreciated as we are painfully aware that one days worth of dishes fill up the entire draining board and there are many nights we just cant be bothered to do them. I don't think it is too much to ask.
Now just think England, those are things that you can fix (unlike the weather) to make your life, AND MINE, a little less “moan worthy”.
Sincerely,
Jamie
P.S. Don't EVEN get me started about your lack of food choices!!!
P.P.S. I still love you.