Autumn Catch Up

I think maybe I just do this blog for my mom and Grandma – and I don't even do that very faithfully.  I didn't know how much time had passed since I last updated it….. oooopppppsssss!  While September was a very slow month filled of not much at all – October (upon looking at the pictures I have taken) has been quite busy.  Chris and I are continually blessed to be able to be a big part of our nieces lives. 

Georgia’s Birthday

Georgia turned 5 this year!  It is crazy and even crazier to think that if Chris and I hadn't struggled with infertility we’d have a child nearly that old (although, I try not to think that TOO much).  She wanted to go to Pizza Hut with her family and me, Chris,  Nana.  These pictures were taken before dinner….

I love the last 2 pictures… Sisters and then…. Reality (just look at their expressions!).

Halloween Birthday Party

Georgia had a friend who was having a Halloween themed birthday party and when Naomi and I were talking about it I offered to make the girls costumes. I asked the girls what they’d like to be (from a list I made) and they picked – Georgia: Fairy Princess, Madie: Ladybird (In England they are called Ladybirds – I don't understand why, as I think Ladybug makes more sense), Lilly: Ghost.   I found some ideas (thanks Pinterest) and slowly put them together.  I really enjoyed it (of course I picked all NON-sewing costumes), but realized the stress my mom used to have when I couldn't find any fairy wings for Georgia or shoes to match for any of them (I completely forgot).  The day before the party I drove to the costume shop and luckily found some wings.  The day of the party (the day I remembered the shoes) I have never felt so happy about finding red shoes in my life!  I think they turned out alright. 

I have a million times more respect for my mom and all the other moms out there that put so much effort into even FINDING a costume.  Hey mom, remember when I was like, 22 and asked you to find and sew me an angel costume??  Did I ever say -  THANK YOU?

Thetford Forest

Last time we went to Thetford Forest it was so lovely we decided to take Madie this year and see the changing leaves.  We got there (FINALLY) after being lost 2 times and the sat nav taking us to places other than the park (Chris says user error – me – I say NO WAY – but really, yes).  We got there and the cafe had nothing on the menu for kids and didn't have the things Chris and I wanted.  We made due, but waited for AGES to get the food.  Then after that we went outside where it had turned quite cold and cloudy.  Madie play for about 10 minutes on the toys and after all three of us getting frustrated with each other Chris and I decided it wasn't worth it and headed for the hour journey back home.  But this time, the sat nav took us the back way so it took longer through tons of country roads.  That would be okay if it didn't double the time it takes to get home and if we weren't worried about the little girl in the back who we are finding gets car sick.  Needless to say we’ll think twice next year if we decide to make the trip out.

 

Ferry Meadows

After the disaster that was Thetford Forest, Chris and I tried our luck again at a more local place, when everyone was feeling better and this time we got to take Georgia as well.  It was a lovely afternoon until the storm clouds started to roll in and forced us to end our day out sooner than we wanted to. 

After the park, we went shopping, I got into a crash in the car park (both peoples fault after backing out of spaces into each other).  The guy in the other car was saying, “You should be careful!  You should look where you’re going!!”  Chris was dealing with him so I shut my door and as soon as I did Georgia said, “You should be careful!!”  He wanted our details but then Chris pointed out that we would need his as well, because our car was scratched too – and he decided just to leave it.  After dinner when we got in the car Madie said, “No more crashes!”

Halloween

This Halloween has felt so much more like Halloween than any other year that I have been here.  It has been so interesting to see England gradually pick up on the American traditions of Trick or Treat that, when I moved here, were pretty much non-existent.  They still don't go as crazy as us Americans – but they are getting there.  Our ward had a Trunk-or-Treat, thanks in part to the many Americans who live on the military base nearby.  It was so fun and we took Georgia and Madie.  Before we went we carved pumpkins.

Pancake Day!!

One holiday here in England I can really get behind and celebrate is… Pancake Day!  Here in England we always celebrate it on a Tuesday (Shrove Tuesday).  The pancakes here in England are like crepes – but I figure why celebrate Pancake Day in England with American Pancakes??  People over he put all kinds of things on their pancakes – sweet or savoury.  I went to the store and got some strawberry jam, chocolate spread, marshmallows, peanut butter, and pancake mix (I know, I cheated).  Chris got home from school and we made the pancakes together –here are some pictures:









Pancake Day originated a long time ago when people would use up all their sugar and butter to begin Lent the following day.  Although I don't do Lent, I thought this year I would try to give something up for the time of Lent, this year -chocolate (yeah…we’ll see how this goes!).

Mothers Day - Part 1

No, I don't have enough things to write about to make 2 parts to my Mothers Day post, but I do have 2 Mothers Days (lucky me!). I think that if I had children, then the prospect of 2 Mothers Days would be quite good but I just dread them for now.

It is hard for people who haven't gone through infertility or know someone who has, to know how to handle it. It is a tricky situation - especially on days like this. I know I may sound ungrateful, and I don't mean to - but like I said I wont censor my thoughts, after all if I did what is the use of a place to share?

Luckily today only Sacrament meeting was themed on Motherhood. I understand that it would be silly to NOT honour mothers today, after all I have one of the very best and she deserves all that honour and more, and I realize that things shouldn't be "toned down" for that one woman in the congregation who cant have kids.

Back in Utah, on Mothers Day they often gave out gifts for the mothers. The way that they handled it was saying, "Would all women 18 and older stand and be appreciated." I felt awkward doing that when I was single, but at least there were other single women standing up and I knew I wasn't the only one.

Today was different. They didn't make any women stand up but they did have lovely flowers for the mothers. They said they'd like to give a flower to all the mothers. Where does that leave me? I know people don't know what to do. Before going through all of this, I wouldn't have even given it a second thought. But this wasn't recognising WOMEN it was just MOTHERS. The 18+ girls didn't get flowers, just the mothers... and me (I was the only one without children there - trust me, I looked).

To tell you the truth I didn't want one, and it wasn't so much rubbing salt in a gaping wound, it was more like me, being an impostor. I would have much rather been passed over, not recognized for what I lacked, but rather, not recognized at all. Does this sound horrible? Does it make sense?

After the lovely talks about mothers were finished and church was over, the last thing I wanted to do was carry around the flower - I made Chris. I know most of this is in my head, people aren't going to care if I get a flower or not - I get that. It doesn't change how I feel.

I just think for someone trying to have a baby, someone who desperately longs for a baby, someone who cant wait to make her own mother a grandma - this day, that is supposed to be full of joy and appreciation becomes slow and horrible torture.

It has been a hard day. Full of attention on my biggest failing.

To make matters worse, I got the defective flower, the one with only half a petal and I found that quite ironic.

So, you may be thinking - we cant win! I don't know what the solution is, maybe I would have felt just as bad had I not gotten a gift - but maybe, this next Mothers Day (for you Americans) look around - look for those women who are smiling but don't have any children to care for, those women who put on a brave face, those women who have tears in their eyes - and give them a smile or a hug and let them know, that you know how hard the day might be for them - and that Mother or not, they are no less of a woman and are loved.

One Year Older

Hello Internet.  I hope you all had a very good Halloween. 
As for me, it was my birthday.  Now, I have not had too much good luck with birthdays so needless to say I didn't hold out hope for this one.  I kept joking to Chris that I was just going to sleep until Saturday morning.  He didn't let me - I awoke to a lovely breakfast in bed (made by Chris).  He seemed more excited about me opening my presents than I did.  When I did open them I was pleasantly surprised by a CD that I had really wanted, one CD that I already had (its okay, he didn't know), and a lovely silver heart necklace.  He did very good.  I also got some clothes from my mom back at home.  I got a great phone call from my mom and dad, which topped of the great morning.   I was so glad that they called even though it is hard to be away from home for me, but it gets especially hard on birthdays and holidays.  I just relaxed before we were supposed to go out to dinner - I had a bit of a set back of fleeting depression - but after I read what Chris wrote about me on his blog, there was no way I could be depressed and we got ready and went to Chili's.  This is a special treat because it tends to be kind of expensive and it is in Cambridge - but it was a special day so we went.  It was such good food!!  Then we came home and relaxed.  It was a low-key but absolutely lovely birthday.
The weekend was made even better by my Saturday.  Some Americans that I know had arranged to go to the base and they were kind enough to invite me to go along.  One of the girls is called Jenni.  She has a husband in the military and she was the one with access to the base.  She is such a fun person, not only does she have 6 kids, but, she is on her 3rd book.  She is re-writing all of Jane Austins books for teens.   The other girl is called Natalie and she is in a similar situation as me.  She married an Englishman and moved from California to be here.  She and I have a lot in common and it is very good to have someone who knows how I feel.  We went to the base and we were in HEAVEN!!  We got to eat at Taco Bell, went to a mall type place and got some holiday candles and then we went to the grocery store on base, at this point I thought I'd died and gone to heaven... isles and isles of American food.  If I tried really hard I could almost forget I was in England.  I was surrounded by American accents and using dollars!!   Jenni shared her groceries with us. I got things that I had been craving for a year.  She also was so kind to get me a Yankee Candle with an amazing top for Christmas, as a birthday present.  We shopped and shopped and looked and looked.  Not only was the experience so fun, but I made some great friendships with Jenni and Natalie.  When I was wavering if I should go or not, my wise mother said -- you've been craving friends and Taco Bell, you never know what a blessing this might be.  And she was so right.  Now I have an invite to Bunco on the base every month were I get to meet more Americans, but more importantly friends.
This weekend has been unforgettable.  There are few times, especially as of late, that happiness has been a part of my life.  Chris makes me happy but that is the extent of it.  It just goes to show how the little things mean so much.  I am thankful for Chris for making such an effort this year for my birthday - he knows how difficult its been for me.
I have so many plans for this new year... I like to try to make Birthday Resolutions and I have lots of goals for the coming year - and hopefully most of them will take place in America.  I just have to keep telling myself -- STAY POSITIVE - after all, I may be on the upper end of it, but I am still in my 20's!! 

Happy Birthday to Chris, Happy Birthday to Chris....

Hello Internet!  Today is a very special day because... (as if you cant tell) ITS CHRIS BIRTHDAY!
Chris is turning 29.  He was born in Gateshead, England (that is where he got his lovely "geordie" accent).  Chris is the oldest in his family, but displays none of the typical "oldest" traits (bossiness, loudness, always having to be right"ness") like his wife.

Chris and I met face to face in October of 2004.  I picked him up for our blind date and was immediately drawn to how comfortable I felt around him.  He was awkward and shy was very genuine and I found out quite quickly he was a man who knew what he wanted.
I love Chris for so many reasons....  one of the reasons is that he loves me in a way that I didnt think I was worthy to be loved.  After a really rough go at dating and relationships in general I always thought that I deserved so much less that what Chris gives me.  He is kind, loving, and understanding.  He lets me be horrible to him one minute and hugs me and tells me he loves me the next.  He is quick to forgive and very VERY slow to anger.

Chris loves the church.  He wasnt always active but, he has always been a good example to me of what it means to be a member.  He spends a lot of his time teaching with the missionaries, going home teaching, and all the other things associated with his calling.  The people in the branch love Chris, they love his ability to talk to people, his ability to make people laugh, and his testimony. 

The kids love him too... all kids...  He was a lifesaver at times when I was a nanny - cutting out 30 butterflies while I slept off a migraine, played endless games with them and even had heart to heart talks with them when they were sad.  Now back in England his nieces and nephews LOVE him.  Alfie loves seeing the trains with him and last week wouldn't even go to his mom because he was sitting by Uncle Chris.  Georgia loves him too... they have always had a bond because from the time she was very young Chris and I took care of her.... and Chris jumped right in the deep end with that - doing everything but changing nappies (diapers).  He would feed her, dress her, put her to sleep, and play with her.  She loves her Uncle Chris - so much in fact it is her new word. 
Chris is great with children and will make a wonderful father someday.  That is another thing I was looking for and I definitely got it with him.

I lucked out with Chris for sure.  After all the horrible things I had to go though with other "men" and I just happened to stumble across Chris, I am thankful for that stumble.  We have gone through so much already in our short marriage... and the trials just keep coming.  I am glad Chris never wants to give up on us and I am glad he has so much patience!
Today is special because, today was the day, 29 years ago, that the best man I have ever met was born.  I hope that he knows and can sort out through everything that I love him and that I am so glad he was born and I am so glad he didnt give up on me and I am so glad that I have the chance to spend many, MANY more birthdays with him.

I love you Chris!!!!

Tiny Moments ... Day 9

Happy Valentines Day! 

The 4th of July is a Holiday???

It is hard to forget in America that the 4th of July is a day of BBQ's, friends, family, hot weather and fireworks.  It is kind of easy to forget, or try to forget, here in England (especially since the weather was in the 60's and RAINY).
I didn't forget, don't get me wrong, how could I when I miss the country so much and probably start a good percentage of my sentences with, "Well in America..." or "Back home in Utah...."
But then comes the problem, there is no celebration here...  well not close by, there was a big firework display in Kent, England but that is 3 hours away, £25.00 per person, and £40.00 in gas money... so that was a "no go" not to mention I HAD TO WORK - ON THE 4TH of JULY...
So needless to say I was missing home quite a lot and decided not to do anything that has to do with the 4th and just treat it like "another day" that is until I came home from work to, what has to be the most thoughtful thing I've seen in a LONG time...
                    

A View From the Top                                          A Slice...

                 
A Side View... a TALL cake                   In Red Frosting "Happy 4th of July!!!"
Want to be even more impressed?  Made by my ENGLISH husband, from scratch, in 3 hours while I was at work.
That cheered me up quite a bit....
And after a while I finally let myself think about what I miss about America, you see I had to give myself permission because if it just creeps up on me I am overcome by emotion, not just because I miss my family and friends and lets see.... Taco Bell, Low Gas Prices (Low Prices Full Stop), Automatic Cars, Mountains, I-15, Big Meal Portions, 4 Distinct Seasons, etc, etc, etc....  but I miss my country, the pride that comes with the title of being "American", the buzz you get when you put your hand on your heart and sing (or listen) to the Nation Anthem, the flags proudly displayed everywhere, and the feeling of belonging that I have yet to feel here in England.
I love England, but my loyalty and heart belong firmly in America.   
So then I thought what can we do to celebrate the JOYOUS holiday???
And then, we went to KFC!!!
Happy  Birthday America!!!  
P.S. My favorite 4th tribute?  http://mightygirl.com/2007/07/04/god-bless-america-please/

Still in England.... Still Alive....

First I am going to do the usual apologizing for not keeping up on my BLOG like I promised. 

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

If I had any idea how full my days would be when I left, I wouldnt have made such promises. 

So here is your update....

Things here in England are WONDERFUL.

We got back from Christmas and I had a day on my own (hence the TESCO story) and then Chris called in sick to work on Thursday and Friday - so we got out and did some sight-seeing and saw some movies etc.  It was great to have him here with me during the days! 

New Years Eve we went into Central London to see the firework show by the London Eye.  It was surreal when we got there.  Big Ben was behind me and in front of me was the River Thames and then across from that was The Eye.  The firework show was really really good and London was an ideal place to ring in the New Year - until we had to get back to the tube station, which was right around the corner, but took us about 1 1/2 hours to get there.  There was a huge crowd of thousands of people and everyone wanted to get in.  It was actually quite scary and although, the fireworks were great.... they werent worth risking my life to get back on the tube, and next year I'll just watch it on TV with Chris instead of going down there.

Sunday we went to  church and had to take 2 busses and walk.  We left at about 9:15 AM and didnt get to church until around 10:15.  This is not normal for this "Utah Mormon".  It was a good service, even if I did end up playing the piano - again.

Monday I finally FINALLY got to meet my good friend John.  John and I met about 6 years ago on the internet and have talked ever since.  He is the one who set me up with Chris.  Monday we hung out with him and his lovely wife and then went to London for dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe - Chris and I paying as a thank you for introducing us. 

Tuesday I took a train to Doncaster to visit my good friends Michelle and Daniel and their baby Josh.  It was so good to see them again and spend some time with them.  They are a great family and amazing friends.   Time went by too fast when I was there.  Yesterday we went to the second hand market in the city centre.  I got a cute English teapot and then we went shopping in some stores and I got 3 pairs of shoes for only.........

£14.00.  I think its a bargain..... I even got a pair for £1.00.  I reluctantly said goodbye to Michelle and Daniel and came back home.  Home as in London. 

It is so good to be  back.  I missed Chris more than I thought I would - I mean after all I was only gone for a night. 

For those of you wondering.... things with Chris are good - very, very good. So good in fact that I am probably going to extend my ticket for another week.  When I left America if you would have asked me how things were going to turn out with Chris - this way was the one way I DID NOT expect.  It is a very happy surprise.

And almost as much as I love Chris, I love England.  I havent been homesick - AT ALL.  Do I miss my friends and family - of course!  But, I feel more at home here than I have anywhere else - ever.  And now, as Chris and I move forward with plans for our future - I realize that England is going to be a big part of it - and that makes me very happy.

P.S. If you want Chris' version of the week check out his blog.... the link is on my list of links...