Mothers Day - Part 1

No, I don't have enough things to write about to make 2 parts to my Mothers Day post, but I do have 2 Mothers Days (lucky me!). I think that if I had children, then the prospect of 2 Mothers Days would be quite good but I just dread them for now.

It is hard for people who haven't gone through infertility or know someone who has, to know how to handle it. It is a tricky situation - especially on days like this. I know I may sound ungrateful, and I don't mean to - but like I said I wont censor my thoughts, after all if I did what is the use of a place to share?

Luckily today only Sacrament meeting was themed on Motherhood. I understand that it would be silly to NOT honour mothers today, after all I have one of the very best and she deserves all that honour and more, and I realize that things shouldn't be "toned down" for that one woman in the congregation who cant have kids.

Back in Utah, on Mothers Day they often gave out gifts for the mothers. The way that they handled it was saying, "Would all women 18 and older stand and be appreciated." I felt awkward doing that when I was single, but at least there were other single women standing up and I knew I wasn't the only one.

Today was different. They didn't make any women stand up but they did have lovely flowers for the mothers. They said they'd like to give a flower to all the mothers. Where does that leave me? I know people don't know what to do. Before going through all of this, I wouldn't have even given it a second thought. But this wasn't recognising WOMEN it was just MOTHERS. The 18+ girls didn't get flowers, just the mothers... and me (I was the only one without children there - trust me, I looked).

To tell you the truth I didn't want one, and it wasn't so much rubbing salt in a gaping wound, it was more like me, being an impostor. I would have much rather been passed over, not recognized for what I lacked, but rather, not recognized at all. Does this sound horrible? Does it make sense?

After the lovely talks about mothers were finished and church was over, the last thing I wanted to do was carry around the flower - I made Chris. I know most of this is in my head, people aren't going to care if I get a flower or not - I get that. It doesn't change how I feel.

I just think for someone trying to have a baby, someone who desperately longs for a baby, someone who cant wait to make her own mother a grandma - this day, that is supposed to be full of joy and appreciation becomes slow and horrible torture.

It has been a hard day. Full of attention on my biggest failing.

To make matters worse, I got the defective flower, the one with only half a petal and I found that quite ironic.

So, you may be thinking - we cant win! I don't know what the solution is, maybe I would have felt just as bad had I not gotten a gift - but maybe, this next Mothers Day (for you Americans) look around - look for those women who are smiling but don't have any children to care for, those women who put on a brave face, those women who have tears in their eyes - and give them a smile or a hug and let them know, that you know how hard the day might be for them - and that Mother or not, they are no less of a woman and are loved.