Of course, the whole baby thing has been on my mind for quite a while. If you would have asked me about 4 years ago if I would care about having kids I would say, "NO!"
Throughout my life I've said I wanted to be a mom, but, when I hit about 22 years old I DID NOT WANT ANY. I was fine with taking care of my friends babies and giving them proptly back as soon as I was done (or the baby was done for that matter).
I never thought I would be dealing with this, but saying that, I never thought I would be dealing with a lot of things that I have been through the past 2 years.
I am trying not to have this be a "complaining" blog. No one wants to read that. And things could be so, so worse. But it is hard to find some middle ground.
It is also hard for me not to jump right into - no babies ever - state of mind.
A while ago I was not well at all and ended up in the hospital for stomach problems. While doing an MRI or CAT scan (I get them mixed up) anyway, while doing one of those I noticed on the notes that they found some ovarian cysts. From the research I have done, I have found most women have them in some form. But they can also become problematic. I am crossing my fingers that is all it is. A few procedures and BAM - baby. But we'll see.
For the time being I just need to keep telling myself a few things:
1. Not to jump the gun and to try to relax until I KNOW.
2. Not everyone is putting "babies" and all that is associated with them in front of me on purpose (read - At conference they did not talk about Mothers just to make me feel bad)
3. I am not the only one who is struggling. I have a very supportive husband who wants children too... I shouldnt forget that either.
3 comments:
Keep your head up Jamie. Don't rule out adoption. You guys won't be, as you say, "no babies ever". Heavenly Father works in mysterious (yet frustrating) ways. I will for sure keep you in our prayers.
I will pray for you.
Jamie,
My sister was also not able to get pregnant and she had all sorts of tests and treatments done. She would lay in supine position after sex and she would take her temp and do all sorts of things to make the baby happen. After a while, she happily accepted the fact that she would have to adopt. And then....she got pregnant. It was a modern day miracle. I believe it could happen to you too. Or, like Abbie said, adoption is such an exciting way to have a baby. I almost adopted a baby and I was very excited about that. It's so nice to skip pregnancy and pushing a baby out. Chin up, Jamie! One way or the other, you can have a child. Before you get one, it is definitely ok to feel sad, angry, disappointed, broken AND then complain about it. Let it out! Tell us! Don't travel your hardest path alone.
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