Autumn Catch Up

I think maybe I just do this blog for my mom and Grandma – and I don't even do that very faithfully.  I didn't know how much time had passed since I last updated it….. oooopppppsssss!  While September was a very slow month filled of not much at all – October (upon looking at the pictures I have taken) has been quite busy.  Chris and I are continually blessed to be able to be a big part of our nieces lives. 

Georgia’s Birthday

Georgia turned 5 this year!  It is crazy and even crazier to think that if Chris and I hadn't struggled with infertility we’d have a child nearly that old (although, I try not to think that TOO much).  She wanted to go to Pizza Hut with her family and me, Chris,  Nana.  These pictures were taken before dinner….

I love the last 2 pictures… Sisters and then…. Reality (just look at their expressions!).

Halloween Birthday Party

Georgia had a friend who was having a Halloween themed birthday party and when Naomi and I were talking about it I offered to make the girls costumes. I asked the girls what they’d like to be (from a list I made) and they picked – Georgia: Fairy Princess, Madie: Ladybird (In England they are called Ladybirds – I don't understand why, as I think Ladybug makes more sense), Lilly: Ghost.   I found some ideas (thanks Pinterest) and slowly put them together.  I really enjoyed it (of course I picked all NON-sewing costumes), but realized the stress my mom used to have when I couldn't find any fairy wings for Georgia or shoes to match for any of them (I completely forgot).  The day before the party I drove to the costume shop and luckily found some wings.  The day of the party (the day I remembered the shoes) I have never felt so happy about finding red shoes in my life!  I think they turned out alright. 

I have a million times more respect for my mom and all the other moms out there that put so much effort into even FINDING a costume.  Hey mom, remember when I was like, 22 and asked you to find and sew me an angel costume??  Did I ever say -  THANK YOU?

Thetford Forest

Last time we went to Thetford Forest it was so lovely we decided to take Madie this year and see the changing leaves.  We got there (FINALLY) after being lost 2 times and the sat nav taking us to places other than the park (Chris says user error – me – I say NO WAY – but really, yes).  We got there and the cafe had nothing on the menu for kids and didn't have the things Chris and I wanted.  We made due, but waited for AGES to get the food.  Then after that we went outside where it had turned quite cold and cloudy.  Madie play for about 10 minutes on the toys and after all three of us getting frustrated with each other Chris and I decided it wasn't worth it and headed for the hour journey back home.  But this time, the sat nav took us the back way so it took longer through tons of country roads.  That would be okay if it didn't double the time it takes to get home and if we weren't worried about the little girl in the back who we are finding gets car sick.  Needless to say we’ll think twice next year if we decide to make the trip out.

 

Ferry Meadows

After the disaster that was Thetford Forest, Chris and I tried our luck again at a more local place, when everyone was feeling better and this time we got to take Georgia as well.  It was a lovely afternoon until the storm clouds started to roll in and forced us to end our day out sooner than we wanted to. 

After the park, we went shopping, I got into a crash in the car park (both peoples fault after backing out of spaces into each other).  The guy in the other car was saying, “You should be careful!  You should look where you’re going!!”  Chris was dealing with him so I shut my door and as soon as I did Georgia said, “You should be careful!!”  He wanted our details but then Chris pointed out that we would need his as well, because our car was scratched too – and he decided just to leave it.  After dinner when we got in the car Madie said, “No more crashes!”

Halloween

This Halloween has felt so much more like Halloween than any other year that I have been here.  It has been so interesting to see England gradually pick up on the American traditions of Trick or Treat that, when I moved here, were pretty much non-existent.  They still don't go as crazy as us Americans – but they are getting there.  Our ward had a Trunk-or-Treat, thanks in part to the many Americans who live on the military base nearby.  It was so fun and we took Georgia and Madie.  Before we went we carved pumpkins.

She’s Talking to ME!

The title of this post may be a bit misleading, but hear me out.
A few Sunday’s ago I went back to my home ward for church.  It had been several weeks with sickness (Chris), Baby (Lilly), and visiting other wards.  I was excited to see that my new friend and new RS President was giving a talk.  I had my hands full helping Naomi look after her 3 girls – but as the RS President  stood up to speak, the girls gave me a gift (or the spirit did) by making things still enough to hear a message that felt like was prepared just for me. 
She read a quote by Sister Chieko Okazaki, that has changed the way I think about my Saviour and the Atonement:

“Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what if felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism. Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound lever, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, ‘And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.’ (Matt 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your 5 year old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your 5th grader, when your daughters calls to say that the new baby has Down Syndrome. He know your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your 2 year old, when someone gives your 13 year old drugs, when someone seduces your 17 year old. He know the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your 50th wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that, He’s been there, He’s been lower than all that. He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He’s the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.”

I  feel like you could put in any trial you may have (or have had) and liken it to you. 

That quote spoke to my sprit, and the way I feel during my trials will never be the same.  I hope it does the same for you.

Thanks lilysusannah -- you're fabulous!!

Yes, I’m a Mormon.

God Bless America

22 August 2011

I may live in England, but I am sure my American influence can be felt by those around me – I am SURE it can when I encourage them do things like this.  Happy Monday!

The Show Must Go On

This summer Naomi and I were  looking for free activities to take the girls to around our boring little town.  I saw in the newspaper that at one of the surrounding towns there were going to be free kids shows put on every Friday morning. 

The first one we went to was Old McDonalds Farm, and because of a panic attack that Madie had, I missed most of that show (not that I cared too much).  But, while waiting for the show to start, was surprised at the rudeness of the  parents – especially the mother who was standing up in the midst of the sitting children – blocking everyone’s view without a care in the world.

The second show was The Circus School (the show Naomi was most excited about).  We went in and sat down and as we did so, this woman walked past with the strangest looking shirt I had ever seen.  She looked to be about 15 months pregnant (in reality only probably 8).  Upon further inspection we saw that it wasn’t a strange top after all – but she was wearing a polo shirt tucked into her maternity jeans.  And the blue that we thought was a part of the shirt turned out to be the extra stretching material for the pants.  It was hard to focus on much else during the show until we got to the plate spinning part.  And the main guy?  The teacher at the circus school?  Couldn’t spin the plates!!!  So his wife (pregnant lady) would spin them for him and then pass them to him.  It was all downhill from there – for their last trick they were going to do the Diablo.  It is hard to explain, but it is like a little rubber shape (think the shape of a sand timer) and you have to spin that on a string.  If you get it right it could be quite impressive – not that I’d know – because they couldn't do the trick at all – try after try after try.  Naomi and I got the giggles – and with tears of laughter in my eyes I had to distract myself (not only because it was rude to laugh, but because they were recording the show for their website).  After the show was done, Georgia turned to Naomi and said, “This show is boring.” we quickly left – missing the “try it yourself” part of the show. 

After that train wreck of a show, we thought nothing could top it.

Yesterday we went to the show that was Mr. Fuzzy and his mind reading teddy bear.  He was by far the best  show yet, but something unfortunate happened during his show.  Let me just explain that the shows take place in the Sunday School room of the local church.  It is annexed to the back of the church – yesterday there was a funeral in the church.   Mr. Fuzzy was in the middle of his quite funny magic finger bit and the vicar from the church came storming in – asking who was in charge.  After searching for the man in charge and have a quick conference – I over heard that the microphone was on the same frequency as the funeral – to make things worse the music was up very loud.  Looking like things were settled, the vicar walked out and Mr. Fuzzy immediately turned on the music  (Ooo Ahh, just a little bit, ooo ahhh a little bit more).  At this Naomi and I lost it – and the giggles started again.  Imagining the poor family at the funeral with that music playing in the background.   The giggles wouldn’t stop (and if they were bad at the circus this was worse, I even snorted – good thing the music was up so loud!)  Then the music died down (no pun intended) – the rest of the show went off without a hitch – until the end when he had the children stand up and sing (shout) “If You’re Happy and you Know It”.  Then I started laughing again (avoiding eye contact with Naomi) – and the closing song?? (played loudly) – Celebration!!!  Naomi and I quickly got the girls and walked out of the room – laughing.  We got to the front of the church (along with the other 75+ people who were at the show) just in time to have the hearse drive away.  All the adults hushed the kids, and we stood there in silence paying our respects (and apologizing) to this person who unintentionally had a soundtrack to his funeral.

Next week is:  The Frog Prince – Lets see if they can top this last one (I hope they can!).

Summer Post

Well we’ve been quite busy this summer – surprisingly.  After Naomi had Lilly we just started having the girls over every day.  It was helpful to Naomi and we love having them all around.  It makes our days less boring (VERY less)  and gives us a change to spend time with some of our favourite people.  Not only has it helped us develop a closer bond as a family, but Naomi and I have become more than just sister-in-laws – we are good friends and that is such a great bonus! 

The twins I look after have been on holiday for 3 weeks so I’ve not watched them – but have been able to concentrate on the girls.  If you came to our flat you’d be forgiven for thinking we have children, because minus the beds, we’ve tried to make our flat as fun and “homey” for the girls as possible – and it has never felt more like a home.

I plan on writing more once the summer is over , but for now here are some pictures loads of pictures from our summer so far:

Good Behaviour Chart – 5 animals they get a surprise!

Lilly’s Blessing Day Pictures:

More summer pictures:

Experiencing a Miracle

**Just a warning… this post might be long and sentimental – so if that isn't for you, just don’t read it and come back another day for my wallpapering post. **

If you would have asked me 9 months ago, drowning in the struggle of infertility, if I would be watching my niece be born – I would have just laughed.  But, about 7 months ago, in passing, I mentioned to my sister-in-law (Naomi) that I had always wondered what it would be like to see a baby be born and was trying to come to grips that I might not ever experience it for myself – she said that I could be in there when she had her baby.  I thought that would be the end of it, but just a few days ago I found myself sitting in the dimly lit delivery room waiting for Lilly to be born.

For the whole month of June I was on tenterhooks whenever the phone rang.  I made sure I had my mobile phone with me and charged up at all times and would go to sleep at night thinking…. “Is this the night??”  I have to admit as the time of Naomi’s due date drew closer and closer I started to doubt my decision to be in the room.  I didn’t know if experiencing this in my situation would make things better or worse.  But we planned throughout her pregnancy I would be there as a helper (if needed) but mostly a spectator – and comic relief if needed.  Weeks before the birth the reality of what I would be witnessing hit me at full force and I knew I couldn’t miss it – no matter what my situation.  I would get the rare experience of seeing the birth but instead of being the one in pain, or the spouse, I could watch, feel, and soak up the experience in a way that most people cant.

Friday night (July 1st) I got a call in the morning saying that Naomi was getting contractions 30 minutes apart and I should plan on it it happening today.  Naomi was nearly 5 days overdue and was ready to have the baby.  But, the day came and went and I didn’t get any other phone calls, so I figured that like a few other times during the week, that the contractions had died down and I would just need to wait. 

At 10:00 that night I got another call – her contractions were getting closer and although I didn’t need to worry right at that moment  - she thought it would be soon.  I tried to go to sleep, knowing that I would soon be getting the call to pick her and Mark up – but couldn’t sleep (could you!?!?).  Around 12:30 AM I got a phone call saying it was time to go to the hospital.  The contractions still weren't regular but they were coming more often and Naomi would just feel better knowing how far she was.

I was instructed (by Naomi) that Naomi didn’t want any fussing about so I tried to remain as calm as possible and drive safely to the hospital (about 40 minutes away).  We would be having a joke and a laugh and then she’d have a contraction and conversation would stop, she’d casually say “There was another one.” Calm as anything.  This wasn’t like the movies – she wasn’t screaming or writing in pain.  She was calm and collected.  We even stopped at the shop to top up her mobile phone.

We got to the hospital and everyone was surprisingly calm (I am sure me and Mark were the most nervous of everyone).  We went into the HOT delivery room and waited and waited.  After every contraction Naomi would say, “Wow that was strong,” and then continue on the conversation.  Finally the midwife came in and monitored Naomi for a few minutes and said, “You have three choices:  I can check you to see where you are, You can labour for a few hours here and then I’ll check you, or because your contractions aren't regular, you can go home for a few hours.”  Naomi said she would rather be checked and Mark and I went to the hallway while she was checked - hoping that we wouldn’t have to make the drive home and risk not making it back.  By now it was about 3:00.  I could tell the contractions were getting worse but still Naomi didn’t complain – just got on with it.  We walked back into the room and Naomi said she was a 7 (?!?!?) and we weren't going anywhere – thank goodness she had the midwife check! 

From there it was a bit of a whirlwind.  Naomi hadn't had any pain relief at all (NONE) and was getting understandably uncomfortable.  She didn’t want an epidural but decided she wanted something, so the midwife sauntered in and out of the room preparing an injection for pain relief.  At this point it was about 3:25.  The midwife gave Naomi the injection and Naomi said (through gritted teeth), “When will it start working?!?!?!?”  The midwife casually replied, “10-15 minutes”.    Then things got intense.  Naomi was in a lot of pain (but, I might add – not screaming or anything – she even apologized in-between contractions to Mark for being so whiney!).  She was bent over in pain by the side of the bed and kept saying, “I am finding it really hard not to push.”  So the midwife reluctantly walked over and checked, “I can see the head!” she exclaimed – putting a bit more pep in her step she barely had time to get everything in position before Naomi let out two screams and Lilly was here – caught by the midwife and passed up to her mummy.  Naomi pushed for 3 minutes and suddenly there were 5 people in the room.  Simply amazing.

Because I was on the sidelines I could appreciate that moment.  The moment when the veil parted and a spirit entered this world – that room.  I could have all the words in the world and never be able to describe that feeling.  This tiny baby’s spirit was face to face those that inhabit heaven and now she was here.  The feeling of the room instantly changed, the veil was very, very thin and that was a feeling that I never expected to have – but it overwhelmed me and still does whenever I think about it.

Once Naomi and Lilly were safely laying on the bed, the midwife asked Mark to cut the cord and he said no so I got to do it – without hesitation.  Then we all just sat there – looking at this perfect, beautiful baby.  Naomi was a superstar going through all of that without pain meds.  I have never admired anyone as much as I did Naomi in that moment.  It gave me an understanding that I would have never had about mothers and the sacrifice they make.

Then Naomi passed her miracle to me.  I got to hold Lilly and just couldn’t stop looking at her – in awe of her perfection.

I then passed her back to her mummy and Mark and I made phone calls to family.  I had been up for HOURS and HOURS but wasn’t tired at all.

The sun started to rise as we just sat and chatted (Naomi was a bit out of it at this point because those pain meds she asked for had started working).   Talking about all the things we now found funny that we couldn’t laugh at during the labour like, Naomi apologizing, my trying to undo her bra (we both couldn’t figure out how to unclasp the nursing bit), and a lot of other things that Naomi probably wouldn’t thank me for writing.  Naomi got up to have a shower and I just held that baby. 

Not only was I a witness to an amazing miracle – in those quite moments of holding this baby some of the parts of my heart that infertility had broken – they were healed.  Everyone told me that I would find healing, somehow somewhere, through this trial of infertility – and I have found it, although not complete healing (I don’t think I will ever mend all the pieces of my broken heart) but some healing. Every time I hold her and soak in her spirit – in a way that I never have before – I feel that healing again.  And suddenly the miracle in my infertility isn't my own baby – but the tender mercies and selflessness of a brother and sister-in-law – who let me take part in the most amazing experience in my life.  Words could never explain what they have given me by letting me be a part of their experience..

The past week and half have been filled with joy for me and Chris (and I’ll admit, a twinge of sadness at my loss – I am human).  We’ve gotten to spend so much time with not only Lilly, (who Chris keeps offering to buy off Naomi and Mark) but with Madie and Georgia.  I think I speak for me and Chris when I say that our relationship with our nieces make our infertility not hurt so much.  What a blessing.

Here are some pictures from the day and this past week or so (Did I mention that Naomi was home within 12 hours of giving birth?!? ):