Working Holiday or Holiday Working?

I know this post is long overdue.  There is so much to write about and so many pictures (oh SO many pictures), I fear, you might be bored by the end of the post.  Oh well, if you find your mind wandering off or your eyes closing while reading – just close the page – I wont be offended.
On the 28th of June I got a phone call from a family who had gotten my name from an agency I was signed up to do temporary work with.  The Mum said they were going on holiday and was wondering if I was free for the week.  She wasn't sure what day she was leaving or where they were going.  I told her I would call her back.  The next day I got a phone call that said they would be going to an island off the coast of Spain and could I come?  She offered me more money that I had suggested and I said, (without thinking), YES!  She told me we would be leaving the next day (Wed) and that their PA would get in touch with me with all the details.
As I calmed down from the initial excitement I realized that I didn't know how old the child was, what the parents were like, or any other details.  I was taking a big chance – and as the time got closer and closer I got more and more nervous.
Wednesday I left here about 7:30 in the morning to get to the airport in London.  3 trains and 1 tube later I arrived in once piece (but was still VERY nervous).  I got a call at the airport saying the family was there and where to meet them.
I was put at ease right away when I met them.  They were a young, fun couple with the cutest baby ever (20 months old).  They told me, as I waited, that the Villa we would be staying at was in Mallorca, Spain and that we’d have a personal chef while we were there.  I started to realize that this wouldn't be a “normal” holiday.
We were met at the airport by one of the staff that had a small cooler filled with chilled water, fruit, and fruit bars.  We followed her to the Villa.  I was struck by the beautiful mountains on the island – I don't know what I expected, but not mountains.  It was absolutely stunning – and absolutely HOT.


As we pulled up to the Villa, “D” our chef, and “T” our house manager were waiting outside the front door to greet us.  They brought my bags in and showed me up to my room – asking if it was “acceptable” – uhhhhh yeah?!?!?!
Here is the bathrobe and slippers that were in my closet. Here is my bed (MASSIVE) and very comfortable.  The room was air conditioned and very big. This was the view from my window.  The two palm trees.The first night I came up to bed to read my book and found that the cleaners had stuck bookmarks in all of my books – just an added touch.
I forgot most of the trip that I was actually working.  The baby’s bedroom was right next to mine and I had a baby monitor.  I was to get up with him in the mornings (around 7), feed him breakfast, play with him, keep him out of the sun from 11 – 4, feed him lunch, put him down for a nap, play with him some more,  feed him dinner (I didn't have to prepare the meals – the chef did that), play with him, bathe him, and put him to bed.  He was by far one of the most pleasant children I have ever watched and had such a cute personality – even on the day he woke me up at 5:30 – he was a joy.  The worst thing that I had to deal with was the weather.  His parents were so involved that they were always around to play with him, swim with him, or help with meals.
Here are some of the views:
Looking out of my bedroom to the landing.Looking down from my bedroom to the entry way – notice the basket it was full of all kinds of drinks when we first arrived. Looking down to the entry way. Looking out of the large window to the front of the Villa.
Here are some pictures from the rest of the Villa;
The Master Bedroom – it also had a HUGE walk in closet and huge bathroom. Inside dining table (always with a bowl full of fresh fruit), we didn't use it at all – we always ate outside. The Kitchen where “D” worked her magic.  I didn't spend much time in here at all (it was so nice!)The table where we had all of our meals. The sitting room – we didn't spend much time here either. The beds outside on the patio. The couches outside were we’d sit and chat and eat.
One of the best parts of the house was a “Kids Room” where there were toys, TV, arts and crafts, and books.  It was such a good thing to have (I don't know what I would have done without it).  I later found out that a nanny is included in the price of the Villa – but she didn't live-in so she wouldn't be there in the mornings with the baby.

Every morning when it was just me and the baby, we’d walk up and down the long drive (taking advantage of the lower temperatures).  Here are some pictures of the grounds:
The pool (obviously).   So much land to walk and play on.  The grass was horrible though, really coarse and hard to walk on – didn't seem to bother the baby though.The baby walking up to the gate.    Another perspective.
So, most of the time we were at the Villa, and I must admit I did get a little stir crazy.  I was really excited we we decided to go to the port for the day.  Since “D” was off on the weekends, we went out and had lunch and walked around the port.  The parents took the baby with them and I got to walk around for a bit on my own (trying not to die of heat stroke!).  It was really nice to get out and to see the sights.  Here are some pictures from the port:

One day the mum and I took the baby to the beach.  It was a drive straight up a mountain and down the other side to get to a beautiful beach.  It was so nice.  She played with the baby in the water and I sat on the beach (in the shade).  We left before it got too hot or too busy. 

On the ride home from the beach, we stopped at a look out point and this is what I saw:
Stunning…. just stunning.
One night the mum and I decided, after dinner, to go shopping in the town.  It was so nice to go out, just us girls, and shop, talk, and just experience the town.
  
After the first few days, the rest of them just flew by.  After I put the baby to sleep – The parents and I would have amazing food.  The chef was so professional and even the dad said that it was the best food he’s ever had – and that is saying something because he’s traveled the world.  I tried things like: steak, caviar, quails eggs, hummus, white chocolate and asparagus soup, prosciutto, and so many others.  It was the best (poshist – is that a word?!?!?) food I am sure I will ever taste.  We had great conversations at dinner and I really got to like the parents as friends as well as really good employers. 
It was finally time to go home.  We stopped at the aquarium and I was mostly interested in the jellyfish (I have TONS of pictures of that). 

We got to the airport and just relaxed until we got the plane.  It was super hot (STILL) and when we got on the plane they had the air on so strong that this is what we were greeted with:
It looked like smoke – a sight like that is bound to make anyone a bit nervous.  It turns out the flight was fine, just 2 1/2 hours.  At immigration we parted ways (they had another flight to catch and I had to stand in line FOREVER).
I got on the train home and was promptly kicked out of the first class coach (I didn't know it was First Class) and after a week of First Class treatment – real life came crashing back down.  Chris was nice and met me at the train station in London and rode back home with me.
It was such a good experience.  It could have turned out so bad, but it turned out amazing.  I hope that I am able to help them again.
If you’d like to see all the pictures (no, this isn't all of them) click on the link below:
http://cid-4efd483657adb90d.skydrive.live.com/browse.aspx/.res/4efd483657adb90d!1939?ct=photos
or visit my old Space:  http://jamieandcompany.spaces.live.com/
*Click on the pictures in the blog to get a closer look!
*No pictures of the baby due to privacy. 

NEW PICTURES

To read the blog entry go to:

http://jamieinjest.blogspot.com/

To look at the pictures just click on the album ------------------------------------------>

What’s Been Going On – In Pictures

The seasons turned from Spring – to a nice green Summer.
 
Tyler, my nephew, turned 2 years old.  His birthday was on the 23rd, party on the Saturday following, and I remember my goal for that day (being home for just a day) was to wrap his present.  He is such a funny kid and is soooo tall.  He is as tall as the 3 year olds and it very “solid”.  He is such a good kid and is always making us laugh.  The other day we ran into him at the supermarket.  We said goodbye and as him and his mum walked to the top of the isle and I went to the next one I could hear him shouting, “JAMIE!!!!”








3 weeks after my surgery, Chris had to have dental surgery at a hospital in Cambridge.  He was quite a trooper and didn't have any complications.   He just stayed in for a few hours and when he got home he had the best nurse money couldn't buy – me.

This is our new pet, Freda (named by Chris).  She has made her nest in the rain gutter outside our window.  She has caused me a lot of worry (in England it RAINS and I was nervous for her eggs) but I called the local bird welfare agency and have been assured that she will be fine and interestingly enough, was told pigeons are protected by law and if I move her or her nest I could get charges pressed against me.  I have rolled up a towel to stop the heavy flow of water to her nest and so now I have to wait (and enjoy).  She will incubate for 2 1/2 weeks and then it will be a further month before the babies fly the nest.

* * * * * * *

Yesterday while I was babysitting the twins (who we affectionately call “the Germans” – because they are) Chris decided to come with me and we all went on a walk to the church nearby and also the old cemetery.  Even though it isn't too far from our own flat, we have never been to the cemetery.  I often take the twins to the church grounds and let them enjoy the trees (meaning branches, conkers, seeds, dirt, etc.) and the wide open space - I enjoy the scenery.  The cemetery was so old and run down – the stuff of horror movies.  There were broken headstones, vines, big trees, and old graves.  The kids, of course were drawn to the big, fallen branches. 

Gates to the cemetery.

 

Some of the many headstones and the lovely flowers at the church.  As one of the twins said yesterday, “It is lovely weather.”   Here in England – we take advantage of it. It was, a very nice day.

 

The twins with their branch (we had to “downgrade” before we left).  Views of the big trees and old graves with the church standing in the background.

Striking angel statue on the headstone of an eleven year old child.  The grave was over 100 years old.

 

One of the many public footpaths through the fields.  The twins love to “go have an adventure” and explore these pathways.

 

The grounds of the church and the HUGE trees.  You can tell its been hot, the grass is usually a lush green from all of the rain – not so far this summer.

 

The church.  So beautiful.  Sometimes I just sit back and find it hard to believe (even still) that I actually live in England.

 

The twins in front of the church.  It has been such an amazing blessing to work for this family.  I have known the kids since they were 18 months old, and have become their regular babysitter.  They have taught me so much about adapting to a different culture (their parents are from Germany) but keeping traditions from home.  I love to hear them in deep German conversations with each other.

So, I guess life goes on – even when  you feel like it might not.  All I have to do is look around at all the good things I am surrounded by and life doesn't seem quite so dreary – rain or not. 

Mourning

One of the things that make infertility so difficult and hard to “get over” is that unlike usual loss – an infertile couple can never completely mourn the loss of what they will never have – sometimes that is a child, sometimes it is a biological child, sometimes it is natural conception – there are so many different reasons we may mourn.

I have been reading books, blogs, emails, articles, etc. and all of them say, “take time to mourn.”

I have, oh how I’ve mourned – but usually not by outward, public tears.  In the quite moments of the night, in my husbands arms – I have cried.  But, I pride myself in “putting on a brave face” and when I am in public or talking to people, I smile, nod my head, and hesitantly agree with the common adage, “well there must be a reason.” 

But Sunday, I cried.  Sunday I mourned.

They weren't noticeable tears, and I have learned to get rid of them quickly if necessary.

Is this easy for me to admit?  No! 

I was in a church class, discussing Hannah (from the Old Testament).  Did you know Hannah was infertile for a long time?  Did you know that it troubled her so much that at times she stopped eating?  Did you know that her husbands other (fertile) wife would hurt her feelings about not having children?

Well… (keep in mind, this may seem quite silly to you), as we were closing the teacher asked what the parents out there would do if they had to give up a child.  Someone (who I am sure meant no offence) said jokingly, “depends on the day.”

I know that this will be a common occurrence in my infertile life – I do need to “get used to it” – but, it doesn't stop the pain or stop the mourning I was writing about earlier.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want people to “monitor” what they say around me and I know how hard dealing with children day in and day out can sometimes be – but it is all complaining and no appreciating?

In the best book I have read about infertility Infertility: Hope, Help, and Healing – by Kerstin Daynes, there is an appendix filled with valuable information for people who know someone who is struggling with infertility.  Some of the best advice she gives is, “There are many emotions that come with infertility: shock, anger, disappointment, personal failure, isolation, guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, envy, jealousy, and loss of privacy are just a few.  Be sensitive to each of these emotions.  One last thing:  Be a good parent yourself.  Recognize the truly magnificent gift you have – children.  Treat your children well. Teach them. Cherish them. 

Do I think that if I ever get to have children I wont complain about them? No, I am sure I will (after all I do love my sleep) – but I can promise you this much – that those complaints will be coupled with appreciation, and after everything I’ve been through, I might just have a look around and think twice.

**This post was not written to anyone in particular – just a vent.

Still Here

Hello Internet… I am still here.
Some days (like today) I am not totally emotionally here – but I am “hanging in there”.
I think though, that I should give everyone a bit of an update of how I am doing and what has happened.  Part of the reason I haven't it because I am struggling with how much info to give on such a public forum – but I do realize people want to know – and maybe someone can be helped by what I am dealing with.

*  April 20th I went in for keyhole surgery to burn out some endometriosis (stage 5 – the worst).
*  They made an incision in my belly button (I HATE that fact) and one on the side of my stomach.
*  Because they were having problems keeping me breathing and because the Dr. cut a cyst and I started bleeding quite badly (loosing 1.5 litres of blood) they decided to do an open C-Section type cut.
*  They stopped the bleeding and decided to remove the left ovary and tube.  The managed to disconnect the bowel from the uterus and clear up most of the endo and put in a drain and close me up.
*  They also found that there was significant scaring and endo on my right tube – thus making me chances of naturally conceiving at about 0%.
*  I was in the hospital for 4 days.  They were HARD and very painful days.
*  When I got home I couldn't eat anything (really nauseous) and started to get an infection.  We called the on call doctor and he came to the house, checked me out, and gave me some antibiotics.
*  I continued to progress well.  I was very well taken care of from people in the Church (my Visiting Teacher is a Nurse).  Chris took very good care of me as well.
*  Three weeks into healing I was driving, attending church, cleaning, walking, etc. 
I consider myself so very, very blessed (despite the outcome).   One night in particular I was really worried about getting a blood clot (I have been wearing anti-embolism stockings for nearly 6 weeks now 24/7).  I just prayed that I could relax and rest.  I finally drifted off to sleep and the next morning when I woke up – I was so thankful – thankful that I had actually woken up, that I was feeling progressively better, and that nothing worse had happened to me in the surgery.
Now, to say that this whole thing has been easy would be a complete lie.  It was easy to push away the implications of the surgery when I was focused on recovery, when some days my goal was just to sit up for 30 minutes.  Now, that I am nearly fully recovered physically – I have found that emotionally I have a LONG way to go.
I am sure there will be more posts about infertility in the days and weeks to come. 
I must say, thank you – thank you to everyone who has reached out to me via cards, emails, Facebook, etc.  This whole thing has been so hard to go through so far away – and the lack of support on this end, from most (but not all), has been more than disappointing.  Your prayers, thoughts, and support have helped in ways that you will never know.  Thank you…. 

Mothers Day: Part 2

Sunday is the second Mothers Day that I get/have to celebrate.  England and America celebrate them on different days – if I were a mother I’d be quite pleased and make sure I celebrated BOTH, but since I am not a mother every Mothers Day is very hard for me.
I wrote about this on my babystepstobaby blog, and, after my surgery happened upon it quite by accident.  What a blessing it was to find it and read it!  I thought I would re-post it (since right now I don't think I could have such a positive attitude). 
                                * * * * *
When I was about 20 and attending Young Adults in my home ward, we were asked to put together the yearly Mothers Day program for Sacrament Meeting. I was asked to do a talk about mothers. Simple enough right? But it wasn't simple. During the weeks before my talk I couldn't shake a conference talk from mind by Sheri Dew called: Are We Not All Mothers? I felt drawn to give that talk because I felt a certain empathy for those women in the ward who were not mothers. Not understanding completely why I was compelled to base my talk on that, I followed my feelings and did base my talk on every woman being a mother and being called to help the children that surround her, whether her own or others. Little did I know at that point in my life, that nearly 10 years later I would be one of those women I had such an affinity for.

And now, how I struggle to remember the message I wanted to give to those women!
Luckily, I am surrounded (not figuratively but emotionally) by supportive women who remind me that I can strive to possess those qualities that mothers have.
As I look back at my adult life I can see how special opportunities have been put in my way to work on those qualities and, I have had the unique opportunity to be as close to being a mother as possible, without giving birth. There was wisdom in Gods plan of having me support a friend through adoption. There was wisdom in having friends who had babies first and me being able to support them and be someone they called on when they needed help. There was absolute wisdom in the answer of many prayers (not just mine) of my greatest opportunity to be a nanny for 5 beautiful children whom I loved as much as I could, and subsequently found an amazing friend through that experience, along with a lot of other inspiring people during that time.

I felt that when I left my nanny job, my next step would be having children of my own. Of course, that was what I thought - newly married with an ideal life ahead of me. Little did I know that my "ideal life" was not to be had.
Years went by and no baby came - somehow in my grieving for that dream I had forgotten that I had the ability to love like a mother. Up until just a few days ago, I forgot about that talk that I had felt so prompted to share. I was as good of an auntie as I could be to my gorgeous nieces and nephews but there was a huge amount of detaching myself from them, because they represented my failings as a woman and mother.

But then God provided me with some tender mercies that have struck my heart.

Spending time with my newest niece, Madie (*2 months old), and having her mom allow me to comfort her - and being able to sooth her, unlike some of the other mothers in the room, conference - and being told that if I was living a righteous life I had no reason to complain about trials,
and an amazing email from a special friend that comforted me in ways nothing else could - and helped me remember how I used to feel about children.

And finally today, my sister in law asked me to go with her to get her baby her vaccinations. She doesn't like to be in there when she gets the shots (usually her husband goes) and she asked me, someone who has no children, and trusted me enough with the baby to be the one to take her.
As I sat there with the small child on my lap, and as she got her shots and cried, but quieted down as soon as I cuddled her and held her in my arms - all those feeling came shooting back to me - I may never have children of my own - but I have the unique opportunity of being a mother to several different children - of that I am grateful and I can never be thankful enough for a moment of inspiration nearly 10 years ago - of the opportunity of giving myself something I really needed now – hope.
*Written 08 April 2009
As this Mothers Day comes and goes I am so proud and grateful for the examples of good mothers in my life.  But, maybe you could spend a minute on Sunday, and look around, maybe there is someone who is aching for a child – a kind word or hug – could help more than you’d ever know.

Here I Am…

Hello Readers.  I am still alive (thank goodness).  As you may or may not know, I am recovering (slowly) from surgery.  As much as I am healing physically, I am also trying to heal emotionally, as the surgery didn't go how we thought it would.  I will update more when I feel better (or when I can sit on a chair for long enough to type a post).  Please watch the video below – it puts into words how I feel and what I am dealing with.

Be back soon!

P.S. I couldn't be more blessed from the outpouring of support from my friends and family (mostly thousands of miles away).  And, just so you know, I have never been offended by anything any of these sweet people have said to me.

Here I Am…

Hello Readers.  I am still alive (thank goodness).  As you may or may not know, I am recovering (slowly) from surgery.  As much as I am healing physically, I am also trying to heal emotionally, as the surgery didn't go how we thought it would.  I will update more when I feel better (or when I can sit on a chair for long enough to type a post).  Please watch the video below – it puts into words how I feel and what I am dealing with.
Be back soon!

P.S. I couldn't be more blessed from the outpouring of support from my friends and family (mostly thousands of miles away).  And, just so you know, I have never been offended by anything any of these sweet people have said to me.