It Keeps Going and going and going and going and going....

I know it has been FOREVER since I've updated my page... so here you go, for the few of my faithful readers...

I am doing alright here in PA.  A scale of 1-10? Most of the time a 4.  I called and spoke to my dad and he said, "How are you doing"  I said "alright, I've come to realize that on my best days - I'm alright, and you dont even want to know what I am on my worst days."

Am I sounding negative?  Sorry....  but I am. 

This is NOT how I thought things would be.  I am still in the Fab Econo-Lodge.  I have come to realize that I get a good 10 minutes of heat out of the heater, have to run the bath water for at least 5 minutes so the brown water can run out and I can bathe in "clean" water, have to hold down the flusher on the toilet, and I dont think that they have vacuumed my room since I "moved in".  But it is my solitude - and when the Econo-Lodge is your sanity - that tells you something. 

The other day at work I spent 2 hours sorting out my nanny mom's scrapbook by 16 different themes and 8 different colors -- themes alphabetized, colors in order from light to dark.  Where is the nannying work there?  Yeah, I dont know either! 

I have children constantly either loving me more than anything or hating me more than anything.  Everyone assures me that "that is what kids do", and I can appreciate that, I really can... but it gets tiresome getting told on a daily basis either "I hate you!" or "My mom is nicer than you!"

I am trying to tough and stick it out - and I will.  I have a friend coming for a trip this month, another friend's trip next and also MY WEDDING! 

But at the risk of sounding pathetic - I miss my friends - I had a little mini-break down the other night when I was watching Sex and the City and in the last episode when Carrie comes back from Paris and has brunch with her friends.... made me miss mine more than I ever thought I would.  I miss my family and there is little that doesnt remind me of them... and I miss the mountains, mini-corn dogs, fry-sauce, chili's, swings at the park with Kim, sing-a-longs in the car -- driving around with someone in my car other than children for that matter.  And I miss Chris... this wedding cant come fast enough... and if we make it through these next 6 months - I'm throwing a PARTY!

I do love the kids... their hugs, smiles, laughs and spirits help me more than I like to admit.

I am ready for my winter to be over and am waiting for spring.